Mon, Feb 17th - 2025 Week 6 / Emotions

• Three Marriage Models (Contributions/Labor)

  • 80/20 Model

    • Breadwinner/homemaker

  • 50/50 Model

    • Strict division/even/fair

      • Can lead to score keeping

  • 80/80 Model

    • Radical generosity

      • This is the best model

      • Two people should be giving whole heartedly

• Why do we form relationships?

  • Attraction: Whether it be physically, socially, or emotionally

    • We are naturally drawn to some people

  • Symmetry or Dissymmetry

• Similarity vs Complementarity Thesis **

  • Similarity Thesis - we form relationships based on similarities

    • The more similarities, the more likely you are to form a

      • PRO - A lot in common, makes small talk easier

      • CON - It can be boring if someone has all the same interests as you

  • Complementarity = opposites attract model

    • Some key similarities, but different still

      • PRO - Admire the things you lack

      • CON -

• Time and Proximity

  • Proximity - you happen to be around them because your around each other

  • Time - Giving your time help to accelerate a relationship

• Uncertainty Reduction Theory

  • We are uncertain in the beginning of a relationship

  • So we must seek information from the other, to provide an improved PREDICTION of future interactions and to LOWER OUR UNCERTAINTY

    • This is trying to gather as much information as possible

  • The Opposite of Uncertainty is PREDICTABILITY

    • The more we can accurately predict, then less anxious we feel

  • Meeting the In-Laws: HIGH UNCERTAINTY

    • High Uncertainty = High Anxiety

Communication Trends With Uncertainty

• Axiom #1: Verbal Communication

  • Two people talking to each-other

    • Less Verbal Communication = More Uncertainty

    • More Verbal Communication = Less Uncertainty

• Axiom #2: Nonverbal Warmth

  • Expressiveness (smiling, head nods, eye contact

  • The “it” factor, if its there, its there

    • Less Expressiveness = More Uncertainty

    • More Expressiveness = Less Uncertainty

• Axiom #3: Self- Disclosure

  • Less Self-Disclosure = More Uncertainty

  • More Self-Disclosure = Less Uncertainty

• Axiom #4: Similarity

  • Less Similarity = More Uncertainty

  • More Similarity = Less Uncertainty

• Online Profiles Prior to First Dates

  • View profiles typically meant people were more eager to communicate going into the date AND more willing to engage in Self-Disclosure and Warm Nonverbal Cues

• Hedging - For Planning Ahead if the interaction does not go well

  • The use of Ambiguity and Humor to provide a way for both people to gracefully retreat if interaction goes wrong

• Law of reciprocity

  • Reciprocity is critical to successful self-disclosure. A two-way street of disclosure

    • EX: RomCom - bodycount

• Three Characteristics of Self-Disclosure Between 2 People

  1. Surface level info is exchanged quickly at first

  2. Self-Disclosure is reciprocal

  3. Self-Disclosure lessens over time

     • It lessens because you run out of things to self-disclose

       • Boredom can be a relationship killer

         • Always have curiosity for your partner

• Privacy is sacrificed with Self- Disclosure

  • Once self-disclosure is frequent, it will have cut passages through which it can return again with LITTLE RESISTANCE

• Relationship Matintenance

  • Def: Communication that keeps relationships running smoothly and satisfactory ****

• Knapp’s Relationship model

  • You look at your relationship and you see where you are

COMING TOGETHER

• Initiating - the art of impression making

  • NONVERBALS

  • First Impressions

  • Greeting rituals

• Experimenting - The art of small talk

  • Searching for common ground

• Intensifying - Disclosure rapidly picks up between you and the other person

  • More deep, more enriching

  • In a romantic relationship, might be more of langauge of we instead of I

• Integrating - The act of labeling

  • Recognition of a romantic relationship, outlining of boundaries

  • Social networks converage

    • Introductions to friends and family

• Bonding - Public declaration of relationship

  • Cohabitation, marriage, etc

COMING APART

• Differentiating - Have subtle changes in communication

  • More distance between you and the other person

    • EX: more I terms of language instead of we

• Circumscribing- Opposite of intensifying

  • EX: ask someone about their day, then only getting “I’m fine”

  • Conflict avoidance

• Stagnating - Relationship purgatory

  • Don’t know where you stand in the relationship

  • You don’t know where you are going in the relationship

  • Relationship is in a holding pattern

  • Can’t be there for too long

  • Its the fork in the road

• Avoiding - Intentional decision to avoid that person

  • You are still together, but barely

    • EX: someone sleeping on the couch, someone sleeping in the bed

  • More slippery slope to terminating

  • This is the beginning of the end

• Terminating - Saying we aren’t together anymore

  • No more bf/gf labels anymore

Five Strats couples use to keep their interactions more satisfying

1. Positivity

   1. Keeping upbeat

2. Openness

   1. Having a lot of self-disclosure

3. Assurances

   1. More underrated

   2. Anytime you tell your partner that they matter to you

4. Social Networks

   1. Merging of friends and family

5. Sharing Tasks

   1. Most related to the marriage models

   2. Tasks you need to do in a relationship

The Marketplace of Information

• Social Exchange Theory: Costs and rewards of interactions, regulated by evaluation

  • Ppl are always performing a cost-reward analysis to determine whether someone is “worth it”

  • Would you end a relationship because of an imbalance? Will you continue dating

    • Sometimes people do end relationships by putting in all these costs and not feeling it reciprocated

  • An economic approach to interpersonal communication

  • Evaluating Relationships

    • TWO STANDARDS of comparison level

      1. Relative Satisfaction (CL): Evaluating outcomes that seem attractive WITHIN the current relationship

      2. Alternative Satisfaction (CLalt): Evaluating outcomes that seem attractive OUTSIDE the current relationship

Relational Dialectics

• Two opposing or incompatible forces existing simultaneously

• 6 Relational Dialectics, 3 categories

• Two major categories of tension appear as either INTERNAL (within the relationship) or EXTERNAL (outside of the relationship)

Integration - Separation

Internal

Integration - Separation

1. Connection - Autonomy (Internal)

   1. Connection - build closeness with your partner

   2. Autonomy - Sense of independence

      1. Think love-bombing with this one

External

Integration - Separation

1. Inclusion - Seclusion (External)

   1. Inclusion - to still be involved with your friends and family

   2. Seclusion - quality time with your partner

      1. Spend time with each-other or friends

• “Enmeshed” Relationships

  • Enmeshment is a type of codependency stemming from over involvement in a relationship

    • Boundaries are blurred, where a person loses their sense of self, privacy, and boundaries

Stability/Change

Internal

1. Predictability - Novelty (Internal)

   1. Predictability - stability, routine, dependability, and boundaries

   2. Novelty - Excitement for new experiences

External

1. Conventionality - Uniqueness (External)

   1. Conventionality - Conform to societal expectations

      1. Outside perception as perfect family type of thing

   2. Uniqueness - desire to feel special and different

      1. Outside perception as different

Expression/Privacy

Internal

1. Openness- Closedness (Internal)

   1. Openness - desire to be open and sharing personal things

   2. Closedness - Maintain Privacy, what to not disclose

      1. What things would be too much to share with your partner

External

1. Revelation - Concealment (External)

   1. Revelation - publicly revealing info about your relationship

      1. When people post visually about their partner

      2. EX: Coworker relationships

   2. Concealment - Privately concealing info about your relationship