Chp 8: Relationship Development

BOOK: pgs. 115-127

PDF: pgs. 125-137

What you need to Know

• Define interpersonal relationships: close associations or acquaintances between two or more people; relationships might be based on love, community, or business interactions; friendship, family, or some other social commitment

• 4 Characteristics of interpersonal relationships:

  • Social relationships: informal, voluntary relationships such as acquaintances, coworkers, and casual friendships

• Attraction theory (appearance, proximity, similarity, complementary difference)

• Uncertainty reduction theory and the 3 strategies used to reduce uncertainty

• Social penetration theory, self-disclosure, breadth, and depth

• Stage Model of Relational Development (be able to briefly explain each) and relate to the Danny and Annie video

Functions of Relationships

• Create and maintain identity - how we understand our own beliefs, qualities, values, etc.

• Fulfill the need to belong

• Allow for the creation of communities - refers to a specific place where people share certain characteristics or a feeling of fellowship with others who share attitudes, interests, and beliefs (example of people dressing up for Comi-Con)

• Provide rewards and costs - we require a well-balanced life

• The Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation - Behavior, or FIRO-B Test:

  • ID our basic needs in relationships include: inclusion, control, and affection

1st theory of how relationships are formed: Attraction Theory

• Attraction Theory - the process of choosing and selecting our friends and romantic partners is rooted in perception

• Types of interpersonal attraction (a force that draws us to someone else)

  • Social - we see someone with whom we would like to be friends or get to know

  • Physical - we are drawn to someone’s physical appearance because we like the way the person looks

  • Task - we like to work with someone and can count on them to get a job done

• Factors influencing attraction

  • Appearance - the first thing we notice about most people; when someone looks physically appealing to us

  • Proximity - the bonds made with those who surround us

  • Similarity - it’s easier for us to feel at ease with someone with who we can relate to

  • Complementary difference - individuals are attracted to partners with different but complementary traits to their own; “opposites attract”

2nd theory of how relationships are formed: Uncertainty Reduction Theory

• Uncertainty Reduction Theory - states that we are uncomfortable with uncertainty in interpersonal relationships, so we use passive, active, and interactive strategies to reduce uncertainty.

• Types of uncertainty

  • Cognitive - we don’t know the other person’s beliefs and attitudes

  • Behavioral - we don’t know how the person will behave in a particular situation

• Stages of uncertainty

  • Entry - strangers exchange demographic information (age, gender, occupation, place of origin, etc.). Basically, it’s the use of behavioral norms.

  • Personal - when strangers begin to explore more personal data, such as the attitudes, values, and beliefs of one another.

  • Exit - the strangers decide if they want to continue to develop a relationship. In some cases, the interaction will end at this stage.

• Reducing uncertainty by using:

  • Passive strategy - observing someone from a distance and determining info based upon those observations (unobtrusive observation)

  • Active strategy - seeking info, but no direct contact (means other than direct contact)

  • Interactive strategy - direct contact or convo, where an exchange of basic info occurs, and uncertainty is reduced through this initial exchange. (engaging in conversation)

3rd theory of how relationships are formed: Social Penetration Theory

• Social Penetration Theory proposes that we create and maintain deeper intimacy with another person through mutual self-disclosure.

• In other words, developing and maintaining relationships involves also “getting to know” each other.

• Five stages of Social Penetration Theory are:

  • Orientation: individuals engage in small talk and follow social norms for appropriateness and social desirability. This is the casual, polite conversation that you might have when you meet someone on the first day.

  • Exploratory Affective Exchange: individuals began to reveal themselves by sharing personal attitudes and opinions about some moderately personal topics (government, education, and current events). You are casual friends or acquaintances with the other person and are still feeling out the relationship.

  • Affective Exchange: individuals begin talking about private and personal matters, and they might begin using personal idioms that are unique to that relationship or even begin engaging in criticisms and arguments from time to time. Now, you are becoming close friends, and in romantic relationships, this might involve more intimate touching or kissing.

  • Stable Exchange: individuals have a deep level of trust and are sharing their deepest personal thoughts, beliefs, and values with one another. Both persons can predict the emotional reactions of the other person, and they are closely connected to the other person in an intimate (though not necessarily romantic) relationship.

  • Depenetration: individuals begin to withdraw from the relationship and stop disclosing information to each other. Often, individuals feel that the costs of the relationships exceed the benefits, and the relationship is terminated.

• Breadth (the range of topics discussed) and depth (how personal or sensitive the information is) determine the stages

4th theory of how relationships are formed: Stage Model of Relational Development

• Mark Knapp: a Communication scholar that created the Stage Model of Relational Development, which identifies five stages through which individuals come together and five stages through which individuals come apart.

• Coming together

  • Initiating - very short stage; all about making an impression. Physical appearance plays a great role in impression.

  • Experimenting - exploring to know each other well. Aka the “probing” stage because each person will analyze the other for information or a common interest so they can decide whether to maintain a relationship among them.

    • Most of those relationships wind up here due to different interest levels.

  • Intensifying - the relationship intensifies and becomes less formal. People start to reveal their personal info and will analyze the impression on the other person.

    • They experience each other’s love languages such as gift-giving, spending quality time together, going on dates, expecting a commitment, etc.

  • Integrating - people will start to make their relationships as much closer than before. The level of intimacy can progress to a further relationship.

  • Bonding - a person will announce to the world about their relationship. They make their relationship recognized and will honor their commitment legally.

Stage Model of Relational Development

• Coming apart

  • Differentiating - when people start developing hobbies or other endeavors. The relationship will start to fade and the bond will be broken.

  • Circumscribing - partners will limit their conversations and will set up boundaries in their communication. People often never communicate the topic fearing an argument. They will have their own personal space and activities.

  • Stagnation - The relationship declines even more; communication will be limited. The relationship will not continue or improve.

  • Avoiding - the partners intentionally avoid any contact and they will be physically detached. They restrict themselves from any form of communication to avoid a conversation or an argument.

  • Terminating - the relationship completely terminates. Partners will take different paths and will go on with their lives.

Dialogic Communication in Developing Relationships

• Balance how you express your feelings

• Give the benefit of the doubt

• Exercise empathy

• Invest time in your relationships

• Any other advice?

• 8 tips for developing + relationships

Key Terms

1. Interpersonal relationships - close associations or acquaintances between two or more people; relationships might be based on love, community, or business interactions; friendship, family, or some other social commitment

2. Social relationships - informal, voluntary relationships such as acquaintances, coworkers, and casual friendships

3. Identity - how we understand our own qualities, beliefs, values, and characteristics as unique or different from others

4. Community - refers to both a specific place where people share certain characteristics or a feeling of fellowship with others who share attitudes, interests, and beliefs

5. Excommunication - an exile from a community one belonged to whereby one is shunned into reconciliation or completely exiled; it requires no communication between the individual and the community

6. Interpersonal attraction - a force that draws us to someone else

7. Physical attraction - we are drawn to someone’s physical appearance because we like the way the person looks

8. Social attraction - we see the other person as someone with whom we would like to engage in social interaction and be friends

9. Task attraction - we like to work with them and can count on them to get a job done

10. Uncertainty Reduction Theory - the idea that increased knowledge of another person improves our ability to predict future behaviors and thus reduces our own uncertainty

11. Cognitive uncertainty - occurs when we do not know what the beliefs and attitudes of the other person are

12. Behavioral uncertainty - occurs when we do not know how the other person will behave in a particular situation

13. Entry stage - the first stage of Uncertainty Reduction Theory during which we follow culturally accepted rules for interactions and politeness, including greeting one another, making small talk, and laughing at jokes

14. Personal stage - the second stage of Uncertainty Reduction Theory during which we begin to explore the other person’s attitudes and beliefs, while also disclosing some of that same information about ourselves

15. Exit stage - the final stage of Uncertainty Reduction Theory during which both individuals decide whether to continue the relationship or not to pursue the relationship

16. Passive strategy - unobtrusively observing the other person

17. Active strategy - engaging in activities to learn more about the other person while avoiding direct contact with him or her

18. Interactive strategy - engaging in direct contact or face-to-face conversation with the other person

19. Social Penetration Theory - the process of creating and maintaining deeper intimacy with another person takes place through gradual and mutual self-disclosure

20. Self-disclosure - when one person voluntarily shares personal history and information regarding attitudes, feelings, values, and experiences with another individual

21. Initiating stage - when you take the first step to interact with someone you are interested in

22. Experimenting stage - where you engage in conversation about surface-level interests and topics with the other person to see if your interest is expanded or not

23. Intensifying stage - you invest more time in each other and learn more about a person’s history, interests, and goals

24. Integrating stage - partners begin to develop a sense of identity for their relationship with each other

25. Bonding stage - partners make their deep commitment formal and public through an engagement, marriage, or civil union

26. Differentiating stage - occurs when the partners begin to separate themselves from each other

27. Circumscribing stage - happens when the partners are primarily living different lives and their conversations are increasingly limited in scope and depth

28. Stagnation stage - when couples move into the stagnation stage, they are still a couple, but primarily in name; they are neither moving forward nor backward in the relationship but have hit a point when they are not relating on an intimate level

29. Avoidance stage - the couple actively avoids interacting with each other so they will not have to face each other

30. Terminating stage - the final phase of relationship deterioration; couples end their current relationships and move into a post-relationship phase where they may or may not continue to have contact as separated individuals