Interpersonal Comm

Chapter 8- Listening Pg. 247

Elements of listening process

1) Hearing: How much you hear the message

2) Attending: focus on the message

3) Understanding: When you make sense of the message

4) Responding: Giving response to the message. Verbal or nonverbal and that varies on understanding

5) Remembering: How was recall information

Types of ineffective listening

1) Pseudo-listening: To pretend to be listening

2) Stage-hogging: People only listen well enough to steer the conversation back to themselves

3) Selective Listening: Picking and choosing to what we want to listen to

4) Insulated Listening: We are guarding ourselves and avoiding topics

5) Defensive Listening: When the listen takes everything as a personal attack.

6) Ambushing: Listening to the other party for information to use against them

7) Insensitive Listening: Take all remarks at face value. Only focusing on the words, but if nonverbals are ignored you miss part of the message.

Why we don’t listen better

1) Message overload- When there is to much going on we try to attend to all and its half way

2) Preoccupation- when we are distracted with problems and let our minds race

3) Rapid Thought- we can understand way faster than people talk, so our mind can wonder

4) Effort- it work and it continual making it hard

5) External Noise- environment

6) Faulty Assumptions- We think were listening when were not

7) Lack of apparent advantages- That we are better and they are not. We don’t need to endorse the idea to hear it

8) Lack of training- it’s not natural to listen well, listening is a skill

9) Hearing problems- can’t hear

Listening to help others

1) Prompting- remain silent or offer encouragement

2) Questioning- Asking them to examen, difference in sincere and counterfeit

3) Paraphrasing- Listening well enough to put it into your own words

4) Supporting- Offer reassurance

5) Analyzing- I think what your really saying is… Bigger picture

6) Advising- Offer a solution

7) Judging- Offer some kind of evaluation

Chapter 9

Why do people choice relationships- friendships and relationships

Similarity- We may be different in our own way but our values, goals, and etc. Marriage, political, faith, money, and etc.

Complementarity- people complement or complete us where we are weak

Reciprocal Attraction-

Competence-

Disclosure-

Proximity-

Rewards-

How relationships form and fall apart

Phase one: Coming Together

Initiating- everyone, small talk Classmate

Experimenting-even more small talk, uncertainty reduction- screening them, seeing how far it goes.

Intensifying- Making things a little more committed Abby

Phase two: Relational Maintenance

Integrating- Shared identity

Bonding- commitment stage and can be a lot of different forms, marriage, dating, engagement, best friend

Differentiating- maintain privacy from one another Lindsey and Sahara

Circumscribing- Idea of when parties have less interest with one another can be pretty harmful, can lead to phase three

Phase three: Coming Apart

Stagnating- no relationship growth, growth can feel superficial, growth is knowing and accepting another, self-lessness

Avoiding- mental or physical distance

Terminating- end of relationship, statement or divorce, friendships tend to just fade.

Every relationship has tension points

Dialectical tensions

Connection Vs. Autonomy- known as a unit but also as independence

Openness Vs. Privacy- what do we share but keep private, you can disclose something to quickly

Predictability Vs. Novelty- We tend to desire relationships that are steady but also spontaneity

Chapter 11- Communication climate- a emotional tone of a relationship

Climate- a pattern that forms over time

Confirming communication- that conveys valuing to others

Disconfirming communication- shows a lack of regard for others

Impervious responses- doesn’t acknowledge the other persons message

Tangential- shifts conversation to a different topic, tangent

Incongruous- two messages that seem to deny or contradict the other (Can often be non-verbal)

Develop overtime based on how parties in a relationship responds in conflict

Escalatory conflict spiral- when one small attack leads to a bigger attack until it spirals

de-escalatory conflict spiral- lessen dependence on one other, slowly become less invested in a relationship, slowly fades,

defensiveness- comes up to guard ourselves attack

Conflict Styles- you can have more than one

Accommodating - This style is High Low, prioritizing others' needs over your own, often to maintain harmony.

Competing - This style is High High, where individuals assert their needs and desires, often at the expense of others, leading to a win-lose situation.

Collaborating - This style is High High as well, focusing on finding a solution that satisfies the needs of both parties, fostering a win-win outcome.

Compromising - This style is Moderate Moderate, where both parties make concessions to reach a mutually acceptable solution, balancing the needs of each side.

Avoiding - This style is Low High, where individuals sidestep conflict altogether, often leading to unresolved issues and frustration.

Complementary VS. Symmetrical styles

Complementary use different but mutually enforcing conflict behaviors

Symmetrical responding to conflict in the same way

People go back and forth on that

Destructive Conflict Patterns

1. Criticism is a attack on a person character

2. Defensiveness is denying responsibility

3. Contempt is a comment that belittlers or demeans, name-calling or put down

4. Stonewalling is when a person withdraws and shuts down dialogue

   
   

Conflict rituals- patterns of interlocking behavior

Influence on conflict style:

Gender- Boys as teenagers may engage in physical fights, girls use backbiting, gossip, and social exclusion, men may be more concerned with content than relational issues and women may be more concerned with what the conflict is doing with the relationship, more along the lines of romantic

Culture- high context and low context, high values self restraint and low values directness can change how conflict is perceived