Chp 12: Interpersonal Conflict

Chp 12: Interpersonal Conflict

BOOK: pgs. 177-190

PDF: pgs. 187-200

What you need to Know

• Define conflict
• Hidden agenda
• 4 problematic behaviors that create negative conflict between individuals (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling)
• Assertiveness and cooperativeness
• Conflict mgmt. Styles: Competing, accommodating, avoidance, compromising, collaboration
• 6 ways to use Dialogic Conflict Resolution
• 5 steps to solve a problem (1. ID problem, etc.) what we wrote down in class

Conflict

• Conflict - an interaction b/w people rooted in an actual or perceived disagreement
• Is a natural part of relationships
• Can foster growth if managed well
• Communication is both the:
  • Source of conflict
  • Remedy for conflict
• Makes management a challenge
• Need skill development to deal with conflict well

Defining Conflict

• Conflict - expressed struggle b/w two interdependent parties with perceived
  • Incompatible goals,
  • Hidden agenda - goals we keep secret from people while working with them
  • Scarce resources,
  • Create opportunities for disagreements
  • Interference from each other
  • The parties might believe the other is or will be, interfering with achieving the goal or acquiring the resources necessary to achieve the goal
    • Physical obstruction
    • Political maneuvering
    • Unwillingness to express or provide support for the effort
  • When you fail to provide support or encouragement, the other person might understand it as interference
  • Perceived interference creates a defensive climate between two parties, and a defensive climate suggests there’s some assault to defend against.

How we talk about conflict

• Metaphors for Conflict
  • “Conflict is a game.”
  • “Conflict is a bargaining exercise.”
  • “Conflict is a dance.”
  • People enjoy conflict as a mental exercise to achieve their own ends while outmaneuvering the other
  • Conflict is something to win and not work through, but winning the conflict involves subtler and less aggressive approaches.
  • The way conflict is described influences on how we approach disputes when they arise.
• Positive
  • Game, dance, exercise
  • Games, bargains, and dance require some type of strategy or movement to counter the other side.
• Negative
  • War, fight, explosion

Reasons for Conflict

• Parties have different information
• Parties have different interpretations
• Parties’ conclusions reflect self-interest
  • Confirmation bias - people seek out information that supports something they already believe in; viewing the world selectively

Factors Affecting Conflict

• Communication Climate - the social and emotional tone of a relationship. It’s how people interact with each other within their relationships.

Conflict Management

• Problematic Behaviors
  • Four horsemen of the apocalypse
  • Criticism - expression of disapproval of someone or something
  • Contempt - expression of insults and disdain for people
  • Defensiveness - a response to criticism; people don’t see their own roles and responsibilities in a situation
  • Stonewalling - withdrawing from the conflict
• All relationships have conflict

Conflict Mgmt. Styles

• Two dimensions
• Assertiveness (the degree to which your own concerns are satisfied) and Cooperativeness (the degree to which you attempt to satisfy the other person's concerns)
• Five Styles
  • Competing - trying to win the argument or to get the resolution you want
  • Accommodating - sacrificing your position and desires to those of the other person
  • Avoiding - you choose not to express a brewing conflict and make it known
  • Compromising - a lose-lose strategy where neither parties get what they want completely
  • Collaboration - finding a solution that allows both parties to win

Cooperative Strategy

• Focus on issues instead of verbal aggressiveness
• Debate and argue using probing questions or playing devil’s advocate
• Consider options and alternatives
• Consider the importance of the outcome
• Reassure your partner

Dialogue and Conflict Resolution

• Use description vs. evaluation
• Focus on solving problem, not controlling outcomes
• Be spontaneous, not strategic
• Express empathy, not neutrality
• Acknowledge equality, don’t be superior
• Be provisional, not certain

Key Terms

1. Conflict - an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving those goals
2. Hidden agenda - goals people keep secret from other parties while working with them
3. Confirmation bias - the tendency to look for and remember information that is consistent with what we believe or what we want to happen
4. Criticism - the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults in a person or behavior
5. Contempt - the expression of insults and disdain for a person, their behaviors, and ideas
6. Defensiveness - prevents a person from seeing their own roles and responsibilities in the situation and prevents parties from finding common ground when working through conflicts
7. Stonewalling - a complete withdrawal from the conflict, both physically and verbally
8. Competing - conflict management strategy that treats an argument like something to win, even if the other person is not happy with the outcome
9. Accommodating - a management style defined by a person giving in to the desires and position of the other person, thereby sacrificing their own position and desires
   10. Avoidance - conflict management strategy that involves avoiding the other person, choosing not to express or make a conflict known
   11. Compromising - conflict management strategy by which both sides sacrifice part of what they want while getting something they desire
   12. Collaboration - the most beneficial of the conflict management strategies; its goal is to find a solution that allows both parties to win
   13. Provisionalism - the expression of an ability to be flexible and open to different ideas

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