JR

Lecture 5 – Sexual Arousal, Response, Behaviors & Alternative Sexuality

Celibacy

  • Definitions
    • Complete celibacy: No masturbation and no interpersonal sexual contact.
    • Partial celibacy: No interpersonal sexual contact but individual may masturbate.
  • Motivations / Benefits
    • Religious or moral commitments.
    • “Waiting for the right person” or recovering from disappointing past relationships.
    • Health-related concerns (e.g., recovery from illness, STI avoidance).
    • Psychological growth: rewarding intervals to explore self-pleasure, autonomy, privacy.
    • Ability to prioritize non-sexual relationship commitments.

Erotic Dreams & Fantasies

  • Erotic Dreams
    • Occur during sleep without conscious direction.
    • May culminate in nocturnal orgasm (a.k.a. “wet dream”).
  • Erotic Fantasies
    • Occur during daydreams, masturbation, partnered sex.
    • Serve multiple functions: producing pleasure/arousal, rehearsing behavior, expressing otherwise “forbidden” content, stress relief.
    • Empirical research generally indicates fantasies facilitate rather than hinder sexual adjustment.

Masturbation: Practice & Technique

  • Current Practices
    • Universal across ages and genders; learned primarily via self-exploration.
    • Techniques: manual stimulation of penis/clitoris/vulva, rubbing against objects (bed, pillow, etc.), sex-toy use.
  • Benefits
    • Relieves sexual tension, fosters self-knowledge, aids physical relaxation.
  • Historical Attitudes
    • Judeo-Christian procreative norm condemned non-procreative acts.
    • 18^{th}–19^{th} C. medical “science”: semen loss believed debilitating; masturbation termed “self-abuse.”
    • Graham & Kellogg promoted bland foods (graham crackers, corn-flakes) to curb libido.
    • Control measures: circumcision, foreskin suturing, clitoridectomy (FGM), chemical cauterization, genital bandaging, hand-tying, mechanical restraints.

Foreplay & Outercourse

  • Terminology Clarification
    • “Foreplay” implies penetration as end-goal but many couples value it independently.
    • Includes touching, cuddling, kissing, manual/oral stimulation before or instead of intercourse.
  • Outercourse
    • Sexual engagement without penetration.
    • Examples: mutual masturbation, erotic massage, frottage (“dry humping” – genital rubbing with/without clothes).
    • Longer durations correlate with higher clitoral orgasm likelihood.

Oral-Genital Stimulation

  • Cunnilingus: Oral stimulation of vulva.
  • Fellatio: Oral stimulation of penis (“blow job,” “going down”).
  • Considerations
    • Preferences vary; hygiene concerns (odor, appearance) common—washing mitigates.
    • Not universally enjoyed; communication essential.

Anal Stimulation

  • Physiology
    • Anus densely innervated, pleasurable across genders/orientations.
  • Activities
    • Analingus (“rimming”), digital penetration, pegging (strap-on penetration), traditional anal intercourse, fisting.
  • Health & Technique
    • Use plenty of non-irritating lubricant; go slowly—sphincter tightens under sudden stimulus.
    • Toys require flared base to prevent rectal retention.
    • Avoid immediate vaginal intercourse after anal play to reduce infection risk.
  • Prevalence Data
    • 42\% of U.S. men and 36\% of women aged 18\text{–}44 report lifetime anal sex.

Penile-Vaginal Intercourse (Coitus)

  • Lubrication & Comfort
    • Adequate arousal or artificial lube reduces friction.
  • Pacing Preferences: Range from slow/intimate to hard/fast.
  • Positions
    • Face-to-face (missionary, woman-on-top), side-lying, rear-entry, seated.
    • Some positions (e.g., seated) allow simultaneous clitoral stimulation.
  • Orgasm Considerations
    • Many cis-women do not climax from vaginal penetration alone—the clitoris houses majority of vulvar nerve endings.

Sex Toys & Pleasure Enhancers

  • Devices
    • Dildos (various shapes, double-ended), vibrators, Ben Wa balls, butt plugs, fleshlights, nipple clamps.
    • Masturbation sleeves, anal beads, electrostim units, cock rings.
  • Cock Rings
    • Fit around penis/scrotum; increase engorgement.
    • Safety: avoid excessive tightness, max 20 min, remove with cold water/ice if stuck.
  • Penile “Fracture”
    • Actual tear of corpus cavernosum capsule; medical emergency.
  • Hygiene
    • Wash toys, use condoms on penetrative toys to prevent STI or tissue injury.

Pleasure, Sexual Satisfaction & Communication

  • “Pleasure is the measure” (Emily Nagoski)
    • Quality of experience outweighs frequency, partner number, or orgasm tally.
    • Inquiry: “Do you like the sex you’re having?”
  • Subjectivity
    • One may have physiological dysfunction yet feel satisfied, and vice versa.
    • Influencers: mutual pleasure, romance, emotional openness, creativity, frequency.
  • Communication Strategies
    • “Yes means yes” enthusiastic consent model.
    • Choose calm, private time; speak honestly and respectfully.
    • Tools: yes/no/maybe lists, sex therapy.
    • Avoid procrastination, anger, comparisons, humor deflection.

Alternative Sexualities (Kink)

  • Vanilla vs. Kinky
    • Vanilla: culturally normative sexual practices.
    • Kinky: umbrella for diverse thoughts, fantasies, behaviors; what is “foreplay” to one can be main act to another.
  • Paraphilia
    • “Abnormal” desires involving extreme/dangerous acts.
    • Distinction:
    – Non-coercive paraphilia: fully consensual.
    – Coercive paraphilia: force or lack of consent.
  • Fetish
    • Arousal fixated on non-genital body part, inanimate object, fluid, or unusual situation.
  • BDSM
    • Acronym: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism.
    • Core element = power exchange.
  • S&M Specifics
    • Sadism: derives pleasure from inflicting pain/humiliation.
    • Masochism: derives pleasure from receiving pain/humiliation.

Consent & Safety in BDSM/Kink

  • Evolving Standards: From “No means no” to affirmative enthusiastic “Yes.”
  • Safewords: Pre-agreed words (e.g., “red,” “yellow”) to halt or slow play.
  • Participant Roles
    • Top/Dominant/Sadist (giver); Bottom/Submissive/Masochist (receiver); Switch handles both depending on context.
  • Types of Play
    • Impact (spanking, flogging), temperature (ice, wax), knife, breath, bondage, electrostimulation, sensory deprivation, humiliation, role play, pet play (pup, pony), water sports, CBT (cock-and-ball torture), fetish-specific scenes.
  • Philosophies
    • SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual.
    • RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink—participants educate themselves on risks.
  • Practical Safety
    • Pre-scene negotiation (experience, limits, safety parameters).
    • Keep EMT trauma shears to cut restraints.
    • Avoid drugs/alcohol in dungeon settings.
    • Practice safe-calls when meeting strangers; meet in public first.
    • Aftercare: emotional/physical check-in tailored to partners and scene intensity.

Self-Discovery & Sexual Values

  • Exploration Questions
    • “What would my identity/sex life look like without societal expectations?”
    • Use playful teasing, limited-time “permission giving,” the “May I… / Will you…” game.
  • Sexual Values Trifold
    • Needs: conditions essential to align with values.
    • Wants: preferences or desires (may conflict with values, e.g., consensual non-consent fantasies).
    • Non-Negotiables: boundaries—soft limits vs. hard limits.
  • Core Skills
    • Awareness and direct communication; routine check-ins; patience with personal and others’ journeys.

Community & Resources

  • Combat Misconceptions
    • Mainstream portrayals (crime shows, “50 Shades,” fashion) often inaccurate.
  • Finding Community
    • Pride events (general, leather).
    • LGBTQ+ centers, leather bars, public dungeons.
    • “Munches” (casual meet-ups) via FetLife.com or Meetup.com.
    • Look for cultural cues (hanky code: colored handkerchiefs indicating interests, e.g., black = S&M top, yellow right = “gets pissed on”).
  • Ongoing Learning
    • Local leather pride events (San Diego, Palm Springs, LA, Long Beach).
    • Podcasts: Savage Lovecast; series: “Slutever,” “Dying for Sex.”
    • Online: FetLife, campus libraries.
    • Start a club or munch; attend workshops or Kink.com tours.

Key Take-Away

  • Think outside the box, stay curious, prioritize safety and enthusiastic consent, and remember: “The antidote to judgment is curiosity.”