Relationships and Attraction Overview

The concept of sociality has been explored by many psychologists, notably by William James in his 1890 publication, "Principles of Psychology." He stated:
- "As a gregarious animal, man is excited both by the absence and by the presence of his kind. To be alone is one of the greatest evils…Solitary confinement is by many regarded as a mode of torture too cruel and unnatural for civilized countries to adopt."
This highlights the essential social nature of humans and the adverse effects of isolation.

According to Baumeister and Leary (1995), belongingness is a fundamental human motivation.
Key points about the need to belong include:
- Universal: This need exists across different cultures and societies.
- Persistent: It is a continuous requirement in human life.
- Emotionally Significant: Relationships have a robust emotional impact on individuals.
- Behaviorally Influential: The presence or absence of relationships can shape individual behaviors.

Research by Eisenberger and Lieberman (2005) indicates that social pain, particularly from ostracism, utilizes the same neural mechanisms as physical pain.
This suggests the deep-seated connection between social acceptance and overall wellbeing.

The works of Harry Harlow during the 1950s and 1960s provide critical insights into the importance of satisfying the need to belong.
- Harlow's studies with rhesus monkeys illustrated that these animals preferred comfort from a soft surrogate mother over basic needs, highlighting the value of emotional support and attachment as integral for survival.

The ways in which the need to belong can be satisfied can be categorized into various types and styles:

Communal Relationships:
- Characterized by mutual responsiveness to needs; individuals are concerned with each other's well-being and support.
Exchange Relationships:
- Based on equity and reciprocity; individuals in these relationships expect an exchange of benefits.

Attachment Styles:
- Refers to working models of relationships that influence expectations and behaviors in interpersonal relationships:
- Secure Attachment: Individuals feel comfortable with intimacy and are generally warm and loving.
- Avoidant Attachment: Individuals may avoid closeness and have difficulty trusting others.
- Anxious-ambivalent (Insecure) Attachment: Individuals often feel uncertain about their relationships and seek constant reassurance.