Chapter 14

Young children are extremely sensitive to the quality of the interactions between adults around them

Children with parental conflicts have higher rates of: 

 -depression

-behavioral problems in school 

-problems in their own peer relationships 

NOT just conflicts, if parents show signs of withdrawal from each other, it also predicts distress 

Children are sensitive to how conflicts end:

-conflicts ending in resolution reduced the distress of being exposed to the conflict 

-angry withdrawal without resolution increased negative effect on children 

Impact of adult conflict on children 

STUDIES:

The more angry the parents were in the conversation, the more the teenagers of those parents described their own relationships as being hostile and aggressive 

2 year olds exposed to arguing adults were more likely to show signs of distress 

• They were also more aggressive toward other children after the adults left room

• These aggressive behaviors declined once the adults had a friendly final interaction 

What happens if children see adults arguing more than once?

The children that saw the adults argue once became more aggressive compared to control group

The children who watched the adults argue a second time exhibit sensitization by becoming even more aggressive compared to seeing adults argue once 

REPEATED EXPOSURES TO ADULT CONFLICT HAVE LONG-TERM EFFECTS ON THE EMOTIONAL SECURITY OF CHILDREN

Sibling relationships 

Research suggests that interacting with siblings usually enhances the capacity for intimate relationships in future relationships 

Theory of mind: knowing that other people have different beliefs, knowledge, and goals than you

-cornerstone of successful social interactions 

How to test theory of mind on children

False belief test: 

Children are able to solve the false belief test around 5 

-by 5 years old most children can understand that other people have different information than they do 

Talking to siblings further a child’s theory of mind

-Siblings talk about emotions and mental states with older siblings compared to parents 

CHILDREN WITH SIBLINGS TYPICALLY DEVELOP A THEORY OF MIND FASTER COMPARED TO CHILDREN WITHOUT A SIBLING

To an extent disagreement with siblings develop strategies for managing differences of opinion 

Serious physical aggression between siblings predicts aggressive behavior with peers in later life 

Hostile relationships with older sibling predict delinquent behavior in younger sibling

Generally positive sibling relationships help develop social competence

In U.S. each additional sibling is associated with a 3% decline in probability of divorce

Childhood friendships

3 defining features of friendships 

1. Voluntary

• An enduring friendships reflects an active decision to keep it going since it is not bound by biology or social structure, it is voluntary 

2. Reciprocity 

• One person can not choose to be a friend alone, friendship only exists when two individuals recognize their relationship to each other

3. Equal status 

• Friends tend to work and play jointly with equal power, learning about negotiating and compromising along the way 

Developing empathy

A strong bond with a friend can make up for a weak sibling relationship, but the best sibling relationships cannot make up for the lack of a good friend 

Interacting with friends develops a capacity for empathy 

Shared imaginative play:

Because there is less incentive for children to solve differences with siblings it leads to more physical aggression, and heated compared to friends 

The size of childrens networks of friends predicts the quality of their later relationships 

-children who have larger groups of friends during childhood have longer and more involved intimate relationships

Drawback to popularity:

Those who are popular tend to start romantic relationships earlier 

Being isolated or rejected always has negative effects on child

-they demonstrate lower self-worth, higher levels of depression and anxiety, and worse academic performance 

Friendships affect a child's idea of intimacy and want for intimate relationships

-11 year olds who have mixed gender friends get into relationships earlier

Having friends who are sexually active is a strong predictor of early sexual experience 

Having friends who experiment with intimate relationships make those behaviors seem appropriate, which influence the kid

Quality of child's friendships: 

Those who can maintain support, close peer relationships in childhood are more likely to grow up to have supportive close intimate relationships in adulthood, vice versa 

A strong relationship with a supportive person is very good for children…

But having a strong relationship with a difficult person can have opposite effects

-they became more difficult and problematic themselves but only if they reported having a high-quality relationship with them 

Adolescence and initial steps into intimacy 

Between ages 10-19 is a hard time because you are transitioning from relying on your family as a source of comfort and attachment relationship to a romantic partner, which is scary 

How teenagers think about intimate relationships 

Children understand the core features of intimacy 

Children are somewhat self-centered when talking about qualities of potential partners

-hope to achieve social approval and support 

Older teens are less self-centered

-they think about companionship and self-disclosure 

Culture also plays a role

• boys from european backgrounds express more interest and intimacy in girls than youth from asian backgrounds 

The first time

Dating has become less popular over time among teens compared to 25 years earlier 

Flirting and expressment of romantic interest has shifted from in person interactions to social media 

Childhood mainly consists of same-sex friendships but young adolescents begin to cross this boundary by creating mixed-sex friendships

The first experience of romantic love for adolescents can be as intense as adult romance, and can have lasting consequences

Romantic relationships of adolescents are emotionally similar to those of adults but there's a difference

-they are not highly dependent on each other (not living together, no kids, shared property)

These make adolescent relationships more fragile because there are less barriers 

Students disagreed about whether they had ever been in relationship with each other 

Preview of coming attractions 

Kids whose interactions with their mothers were more positive during infancy grew up to have more satisfying and supportive peer and romantic relationships during adolescence

Kids who were neglected or ignored as infants had a harder time establishing friendships and intimate relationships as teenagers

When adolescent interactions with their parents were more involved and supportive, their interactions with romantic partners were more supportive and less hostile 

Behaviors and beliefs of early relationships influence later ones 

-we develop habits and expectations in childhood that affect how we approach new relationships later in life

Adolescence offers unique flexibility and a time where we can reshape our existing relationship models and attachments by new experiences  

Good teenage relationships can be a boost to someone with problematic history and wrong partner can derail someone who could have flourished 

Satisfying relationships are powerful predictor of higher well-being during adolescence and early adulthood, vice versa 

Major transitions in intimate relationships during adulthood 

The transition from having your primary source of emotional security from someone within your family to an intimate partner is big but there are also more transitions

Cohabitation: 

 The sharing of a residence by unmarried intimate partners

• Numbers have increased from 1 million (1977) to 18 million (2016)

Four types of cohabiters:

1. Precursor to marriage 

-the largest group, usually engaged or about to be engaged couples

2. Coresidential daters

-they are romantically involved but have no plans to marry and aren't sure if their relationship is permanent, they move in for various reasons (financial convenience)

3. Trial marriage

-not engaged and no specific plans to get engaged but they are open to the idea and hope living together will help them evaluate if marriage would be worth pursuing

4. Substitute marriage 

-smallest group, consists of those who reject marriage but believe their relationship is permanent 

Cohabiting couples are less satisfied and more likely to break up than married couples

Those in precursor to marriage group tend to report as high relationship satisfaction as married couples do and are more likely to get married than the other groups 

Most cohabiting couples do not go on to marry but most married couples today do live together before marriage

1970-1990s research showed couples who lived cohabited before marriage reported lower marital satisfaction and higher risk of divorce 

THESE DIFFERENCES HAVE DISAPPEARED

Marriage and parenthood

People are starting to get married later in life nowadays 

-this is because of economic uncertainty lead to people pursuing education and career over long-term commitments

People’s age of cohabiting for the first time is the same as decades prior but the age of marriage has been delayed

Happiest marriage couples become parents the earliest 

Less satisfied couples delay becoming parents or avoid parenthood

Couples relationship satisfaction usually declines after birth of first child

Couples who became parents experience slightly steeper declines in satisfaction compared to couples without children 

-these declines are more notable for couples who had not expected to have kids 

These declines typically are temporary 

Women become slightly happier with their marriages after children leave home because they could spend more time with their partners

Unhappy couples with children did not divorce after children left the house

-they have many investments together 

Breakups, divorce, remarriage

Marital dissolution:

Permanent separation or divorce

-50% of all first marriages end in marital dissolution

This risk is highest during first few years

Men and women typically marry again after divorce

Remarriages are much more likely to dissolve than first marriages

Reasons for this:

1. Divorced people bring the same issues that got them divorced to their new marriage

-people who remarry many times score high on impulsivity and negative affectivity

2. People who have been divorced may be more willing to end relationship when problems arise  

-they become more accepting of divorce

3. Second marriages are harder to maintain that first marriages, especially with step-children

-children from prior relationships make decisions spending time and resources difficult 

-remarriages with stepchildren have higher divorce rates 

Intimate relationships later in life 

Nowadays, couples spend time together longer because the advances in medicine allow us to live longer 

Older adults get married much more than general population

Older adults are about as likely to get divorced as the general population

Older women are much less likely to get married and more likely to be widowed 

Men are more likely to remarry after losing a spouse through divorce or death 

Older women are twice as likely to be living alone

The more disruptions people experience, the less financially secure they are likely to be in later life 

People who have spent more of their lifetime married tend to be healthier 

-older men who have divorced and remarried have same risk of heart disease as men who have been continuously married, remarriage allows divorced men to recover from health risks associated with ending a marriage 

-Women are at increased risk for heart disease even if they remarry 

Quality of intimacy in later life 

Older couples described fewer sources of disagreement with each other but they expressed less love and passion 

Socioemotional selectivity theory

People become increasingly aware of their mortality as they get older, they pay attention to the emotional aspects of their lives, seeking situations that promote positive emotions and actively avoiding negative emotions

• younger people are more open to new experiences, even if they turn out negative

PROOF: 

1. As adults get older they are less likely to stay in unsatisfying situations

2. Older couples manage conflict better than younger couples do 

-expressed more affection and less hostility 

3. Older couples spend more time with each other and close family members and less time with friends 

Among those sexually active, there is barely a drop off in sexual frequency by age and gender, the differences disappear

Widowhood 

Couples who lose spouse decline in life satisfaction and high risk of depression

-men experience more loneliness facing widowhood compared to women

-women who lose male partner experience drop in income

Partners who expected their partners death adjust more successfully compared to sudden death

Couples who lost their spouse who reported more positive feelings toward spouse were less likely to be depressed 4 years after, whereas those with negative views were more likely to be depressed 

Couples who have spent most of their lives together, the death of one partner predicts the death of the other shortly after 

-after 6 months this risk was reduced 

People who had lost their partners within 10 years, 28% formed new relationships