chapter seven

Chapter 7: Communication Strategies for Effective Discipline

Phrases Used in Childhood

• Common phrases used by parents and teachers:

  • "Get to work, young man."

  • "Stop acting like a baby."

  • "You’re such a good little girl."

  • "Everything will be fine. Just wait and see."

• These phrases represent roadblocks to effective communication with children.

NAEYC Standards Addressed in This Chapter

• Standard 1c: Using developmental knowledge to create healthy, respectful, supportive, and challenging learning environments for young children.

• Standard 4a: Understanding positive relationships and supportive interactions as the foundation of work with young children.

• Standard 4b: Using a broad repertoire of developmentally appropriate teaching/learning approaches.

Learning Outcomes

• Understand roadblocks to communication that explain why children don’t listen.

• Learn how to engage children in respectful conversation to encourage them to listen.

• Describe characteristics of a good listener.

• Demonstrate conflict resolution skills to guide children effectively.

Barriers to Communication

• Statements often create barriers to effective communication, leading to deteriorating behavior in children.

• Thomas Gordon identifies these as "roadblocks to communication" in Parent Effectiveness Training (2000).

• Such communication methods can unintentionally alienate children, impacting relationships.

• Effective communication practices used in adult relationships can also enhance discipline strategies with children.

Why Children Don’t Listen

• Many adults overlook their role in communication failure, often pointing fingers at children. For example:

  • Warning a child about danger goes ignored.

  • Repeating instructions doesn’t yield better listening.

• Language that criticizes or orders often disengages the listener, regardless of age.

• Criticizing and lecturing can lead to non-compliance.

Criticizing and Lecturing

• Children are generally averse to hearing unpleasant observations or reprimands, leading them to tune out.

• Examples of ineffective communication styles:

  • Constantly pointing out bad behavior can build resentment.

  • Comparing children’s actions unfavorably leads to lowered self-esteem.

Giving Orders

• Adults telling children what to do conveys disrespect for children's capabilities:

  • Solution Messages: Communicating how children should behave paralyzes their ability to learn independence.

• Autonomy is crucial; resolving issues for them prevents self-sufficiency.

Inauthentic Communication

• Inauthenticity marks conversations that lack sincerity or pertinent emotional disclosure.

• Expressing only anger instead of true feelings creates barriers in relationships.

• True expression fosters healthy communication models for children.

Talking to Children Respectfully

• The importance of expressing personal needs without labeling the child negatively.

• “I Messages”: Communicates feelings without assigning blame to the child.

  • Components of an