conflict & conversational skills

Interpersonal Conflict

  • Definition: Existence of disagreement among two or more individuals.

  • Personal approaches to conflict are influenced by family dynamics and past experiences.

Five Styles of Handling Interpersonal Conflict

  • Overview: Five typical styles based on concern for self and others.

1. Competing/Forcing

  • Characteristics: High concern for self, low concern for others.

  • Behavior: Views conflicts as win/lose; can be deceitful and aggressive.

  • Consequences: Fails to generate solutions; leads to postconflict tension and hostility.

2. Accommodating

  • Characteristics: Low concern for self, high concern for others.

  • Behavior: Quickly resolves conflict by giving in; often seeks acceptance.

  • Drawbacks: Does not foster creativity; may create resentment from feeling like a martyr.

3. Avoiding/Withdrawing

  • Characteristics: Low concern for self and others.

  • Behavior: Changes subjects, makes excuses, or pretends to be busy to evade conflict.

  • When Effective: Works for minor issues; detrimental for major conflicts as it delays resolutions.

4. Compromising

  • Characteristics: Moderate concern for self and others.

  • Behavior: Each party gives up something; seeks a middle ground.

  • Outcome: Provides partial satisfaction; constructive for moderately important issues.

5. Collaborating

  • Characteristics: High concern for self and others.

  • Behavior: Aims for win-win solutions through openness and honesty; focuses on mutual problem solving.

  • Benefits: Builds trust and results in productive relationships post-conflict.

Guidelines for Effective Conflict Resolution (Verderber et al., 2007)

  • Communication: Ensure honesty and openness; avoid deceit and manipulation.

  • Specificity: Describe behaviors specifically to avoid personal judgments (e.g., "Please throw your clothes in the hamper").

  • Neutral Language: Avoid emotionally charged words that could escalate the conflict.

  • Recent Issues: Focus on recent behavior, avoiding dredging up past grievances.

  • Own Feelings: Take responsibility for your emotions (e.g., saying "I feel angry" instead of "You make me mad").

  • Assertive Communication: Use a style that is assertive, not aggressive or submissive, to improve conflict outcomes.

Conversational Skills

  • Principles: The art of conversation can be learned.

  • Golden Rule: Treat others how you wish to be treated; give them attention and respect.

  • Focus on Others: Concentrate on what they are saying rather than your own thoughts or responses.

  • Nonverbal Cues: Use friendly body language and cues to convey interest.

Steps for Successful Small Talk (Bernardo Carducci)

  1. Open Conversation: Start with observations about the environment (e.g., "This line is slow.").

  2. Self-Introduction: Break the ice by introducing yourself and providing context (e.g., share your field of study).

  3. Select a Relatable Topic: Identify shared interests or experiences (e.g., events, hobbies).

  4. Keep Discussion Alive: Elaborate on topics or switch to related subjects to maintain engagement.

  5. Exit Smoothly: End conversations politely while leaving a positive impression; acknowledge future encounters with a smile.