Love and Friendship Notes

Overview & Learning Objectives

  • Knowledge & understanding of:

    • Factors related to attraction & liking:

      • Physical attractiveness and its cultural variations

      • Personality traits that enhance attraction

    • Self-disclosure:

      • Gradual process and levels of self-disclosure

      • Risks and benefits of self-disclosure

    • What is love and are there different types of love?

      • Distinguishing love from liking

      • Cultural influences on perceptions of love

    • Relationship satisfaction:

      • Social Exchange Theory

        • Costs, rewards, and comparison levels

      • Equity Theory

        • Perception of fairness and its impact on relationship satisfaction

Attraction & Liking

  • Need to affiliate: Basic human motivation to seek connections and belonging.

  • Attraction – necessary for friendships to form; can be a precursor to an intimate relationship: Initial positive evaluation of another person.

  • Evolution & attraction: Evolutionary psychology perspective on mate selection.

  • Ideals (Fletcher et al., 2004): Personal standards and preferences in a partner.

  • Similarity: Common interests, values, and backgrounds.

  • Proximity: Physical closeness and opportunities for interaction.

  • Familiarity: Repeated exposure and increased comfort.

Evolution & Attraction

  • Reproductive fitness - cues (e.g., physical health, youthful appearance, body and facial symmetry): Indicators of genetic health and fertility.

  • The search for ideals (Fletcher et al., 2004):

    • Warmth-trustworthiness: Caring, supportive, and dependable qualities.

    • Vitality-attractiveness: Health, energy, and physical appeal.

    • Status-resources: Social standing, financial security, and access to resources.

Proximity

  • Living close by à important role in early stages of forming friendships: Increased likelihood of interaction and relationship formation.

  • Festinger, Schachter & Back (1950) – more likely to choose as friends those living in the same building, same floor: Study demonstrating the impact of proximity on friendship choices.

Familiarity

  • Mere exposure effect: The more exposure we have to a stimulus, the more apt we are to like it.

Similarity of Attitudes

  • Byrne's law of attraction: attraction toward similar others based on attitude similarity.

Self-Disclosure

  • Social penetration theory (Altman & Taylor, 1973): Gradual process of revealing personal information.

  • Self-disclosure à “sharing of intimate information and feelings with another person” (Hogg & Vaughan, 2014, p. 547): Sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with another person.

  • Disclosing personal info & sensitive and responsive to partner’s disclosures – central processes in developing & maintaining relationships: Key factor in building trust and intimacy.

What is Love?

  • Loving ≠ liking (Rubin, 1973):

    • Love includes attachment, caring, and intimacy. Liking is a more superficial positive attitude.

  • Two categories:

    • Passionate / romantic love:

      • Involves intense emotions, longing, and sexual attraction.

    • Companionate love:

      • Based on affection, trust, and commitment.

Passionate Love

  • Intense emotional state: … think about you all the time, want to spend all my time with you …

  • Feel more positive, increase in self-esteem: Associated with heightened well-being and self-confidence.

Companionate Love

  • Less intense than passionate love:

    • More stable and enduring.

  • Feelings of friendly affection & deep attachment: Characterized by warmth, trust, and commitment.

Love as a Label

  • Hatfield & Walster (1981) 3-factor theory of love

    • Cultural concept of love: The idea of romantic love is socially constructed.

    • Appropriate person to love: Societal norms dictate who is considered a suitable partner.

    • Emotional arousal, self-labelled ‘love’, felt when interacting / thinking about appropriate person: Physiological arousal combined with cognitive interpretation.

Dutton & Aron (1974)

  • Male participants crossed either:

    • A wobbly suspension bridge high over a canyon (fear-arousing suspension bridge), or

    • A lower solid bridge above a small rivulet (non-fear-arousing bridge)

  • Attractive female researcher approached, administered questionnaire & gave name and phone number.

  • Ppts on fear-arousing suspension bridge – greater tendency to contact researcher.

    • Misattribution of arousal: attributing arousal caused by the bridge to attraction toward the researcher.

Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986)

  • Intimacy – feelings of warmth, closeness, connection, and sharing.

  • Passion – drive that leads to romance, physical attraction.

  • Commitment – to maintain relationship

    • ‘Amount’ of love experienced depends on the absolute strength of the components

    • ‘Type’ of love experienced depends on their strengths relative to each other

Sternberg’s (1986) Triangular Theory of Love

  • No love: No Passion, Intimacy, or Commitment.

  • Liking: Intimacy only.

  • Romantic love: Passion and Intimacy.

  • Companionate love: Intimacy and Commitment.

  • Consummate love: Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment.

Social Exchange Theory

Satisfaction:

  • Minimax strategy: People want to minimize costs and maximize rewards in a relationship.

  • Rewards exceed costs?

  • Comparison levels: People evaluate their relationship satisfaction based on what they expect from relationships.

    • High comparison levels: expecting a lot from relationships.

    • Low comparison levels: expecting less from relationships.

Equity Theory

  • Ratio of inputs to outcomes

  • Exchange should be fair -> we strive for equity

  • $${X’s \ outcomes \over X’s \ inputs} = {Y’s \ outcomes \over