Refining and Combining Sentences: Strategies and Conventions
Sentences: A Scientific and Artistic Approach
The Nature of Writing vs. Speech:
A distinction exists between everyday speech and writing compared to specific genres that require a deliberate approach and different decision-making processes.
Transcribing speech (e.g., research interviews or podcasts) reveals significant differences between spoken word and redrafted, edited, polished writing.
The act of writing slows down cognition, allowing for the formulation of individual sentences and their strategic combination with others.
Writing is fundamentally a series of decisions, made both subconsciously (intuitively) and purposefully (strategically).
Sentence-level decisions must be based on what a single sentence says and does, but also how it interacts with surrounding sentences.
Revision of Sentence Fundamentals:
Sentences are built using words from the nine English word classes.
A grammatical English sentence requires each clause to have a subject and a predicate.
Sentences can be expanded using:
Modifiers.
Prepositional phrases.
Non-finite verbal phrases.
Dependent clauses: Including relative clauses, subordinate clauses, and content clauses.
Sentence structures can be varied by adjusting mood, weight, and branching.
Clauses combine to produce compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences.
Word Choice and Structure Checklist
Key Questions for Editing Structure and Style:
Have I used a muscular verb?
Have I chosen the most meaningful nouns? (Are they specific and concrete?)
Have I used only necessary modifiers and placed them correctly?
Have I pruned excessive prepositions?
Are pronoun references seamless and clear?
Have I avoided unnecessary expletive pronouns as sentence starters?
Is sentence weight used effectively for clarity and emphasis?
Is there a pleasing variety of structures?
Common Sentence-Level Problems
Sentence Fragments:
Definition: A group of words that cannot form an independent clause (a complete sentence) on its own.
Missing elements: A subject, a finite verb, or a main clause for a dependent clause to attach to.
Creative usage: Authors use fragments for effect, such as mimicking a character's sensory input or creating a lyrical, descriptive tone.
Example from Kirsty Iltner’s Depth of Field: "Stale air. Kitty litter. And stuff. So much stuff. The house is bursting with it."
Professional usage: In genres focused on information, instructions, or logical arguments, fragments impede flow and clarity.
Common fragment examples:
"Whatever you think."
"A striking moustache."
"Made completely out of papier-mâché."
"Colleague, companion, confidante."
"Going, going, gone."
Solution: Supply the missing grammatical elements to form a complete sentence.
Fused or Run-on Sentences:
These occur when sentence boundaries are not marked, and two or more sentences fuse without proper punctuation.
Examples:
"The lecture ran late we had to rush to our tutorials."
"Sam finished her essay at they submitted it immediately."
Solutions:
Add a semicolon: "The lecture ran late; we had to rush to our tutorials."
Add a full stop: "The lecture ran late. We had to rush to our tutorials."
Add a coordinating conjunction: "The lecture ran late, so we had to rush to our tutorials."
Comma Splices:
These occur when two sentences are separated using only a comma. A comma is grammatically insufficient for this separation.
Examples:
"The deadline is tomorrow, I haven't started my assignment yet."
"She loves cold brew, he prefers flat whites."
Solutions: Use a semicolon, a full stop, or a coordinating conjunction (e.g., "She loves cold brew, but he prefers flat whites.").
Lack of Parallel Structure:
Parallelism creates balance by applying a consistent pattern to elements in a list, series, or comparison.
Positive example 1: "The Vermilion Flycatcher is strikingly beautiful, notoriously skittish, and astonishingly rare." (Uses an -ly adverb + adjective pattern).
Positive example 2: A NYT critic on Joan Didion’s Notes to John: "…the book is less a finely cut sapphire than a cloud of diamond dust…" (Uses contrasting noun phrases).
Non-parallel examples:
"The candidate was praised for her intelligence, commitment, how creative she was, and being willing to manage effectively by delegating tasks."
"It’s often more time-consuming to generate tailored content using ChatGPT than writing it yourself from scratch."
Correction strategies:
Standardize list items: "intelligence, commitment, creativity, and willingness…" (All nouns).
Match verb forms: "…to generate… than to write…" (Both infinitives).
Shifted Constructions:
A sentence starts with one grammatical pattern and shifts mid-stream, often due to distraction.
Example: "When I listen to music, and it relaxes me."
Of-ness, And-ness, and List-like Sentences:
These sentences lurch or buckle because too many elements are strung together, often using excess prepositions ("of-ness") or excess coordination/conjunctions ("and-ness").
Example: "In a manner of speaking, the traditional analysis of literary works by trained critics in the field has led to a prevailing sense of intellectual elitism…"
Impact: Harder to process, poor noun-to-verb ratio, and a "plodding du-duh" rhythm.
Linda Flower's perspective: These are "list-like" because they itemize thoughts rather than organizing them.
The Principles of Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence (Conceptual Level):
Refers to the logical flow and organization of ideas.
A coherent text makes sense as a whole because ideas connect and follow a clear progression.
Cohesion (Linguistic Level):
Refers to grammatical and lexical connections between individual sentences and paragraphs.
Cohesive devices provide the surface-level links that tie the text together.
Paragraph Functions and Conventions
Historical Context:
The word "paragraphing" originally meant placing an annotation in the margin to mark transitions in topic or focus.
The pilcrow glyph (¶) was used for this purpose; it is still used in modern software like Microsoft Word to show formatting marks.
Structural Formulae:
Acronyms like PETER, OREO, TEEL, or PEEL provide blueprints for beginning writers to create meaningful paragraphs.
Standard components: Topic sentence/assertion, explanation, evidence, and opinion/summary/link.
Benefits: Useful as "training wheels," for unfamiliar genres, for standardized assessments like the GAMSAT, or as diagnostic tools for clunky writing.
Natural Variation in Paragraphing:
Meta-analyses show that effective paragraphs differ significantly across languages, text types, and writers.
Unlike sentences, there is no structural formula for a paragraph.
Methods of paragraph development:
Comparing similarities and contrasts.
Elaborating on observations.
Providing examples to substantiate points.
Moving from general to specific (and vice-versa).
Identifying exceptions to rules.
Connecting cause and effect.
Analysis of Genre-Specific Paragraphs
Sample 1 (News): Tiffanie Turnbull (BBC News) on Australia's healthcare. Focuses on inadequate funding, shortage of critical workers like Dr. Bradley, ballooning wait times, and skyrocketing costs.
Sample 2 (Informational/Pop-Science): Alex Warren in frankie. Discusses moss ( varieties) having no roots, flowers, or seeds. Highlights that Physcomitrella patens (spreading earth moss) has protein-encoding genes ( more than the human genome).
Sample 3 (Sociology/Philosophy): Matthew B. Crawford in The Hedgehog Review. Discusses "deaths of despair," birth rates, and Richard Sennett’s concept of "the specter of uselessness."
Sample 4 (Academic/Feminist Studies): Kate Eichhorn. Analyzes girls as a force in the public sphere since the early and especially since . Mentions Snapchat (dominated by women ages ) and movements like #MeToo and gun violence lobbies.
Sample 5 (Fiction/Narrative): Asako Yuzki’s Butter. A descriptive passage about Rika eating noodles with butter, sesame, and spring onions. Uses sensory language (chicken base, flavor of bonito, lye water).
Devices for Sustaining Coherence and Cohesion
1. Signposting:
Sequencing: First, initially, second, next, subsequently, finally, in conclusion.
Transition (Relationships): However, nevertheless (contrast); Similarly, likewise (comparison); Therefore, consequently (cause/effect); For example, specifically (elaboration).
Meta-discourse (Text Reference): "In this section, I will…", "As I argued earlier…", "Having established , I will now turn to …"
2. Repetition of Key Terms:
Repeated terms create "crumb trails" or threads of meaning.
Technical writing requires consistency; avoid "elegant variation" that replaces technical terms with synonyms and confuses the reader.
3. Clear Pronoun References:
Pronouns avoid redundancy by referring to noun antecedents.
The "Lonely This" Problem: Avoid starting sentences with a solitary "this" if the antecedent is ambiguous.
Unclear: "The study used qualitative and quantitative methods. This proved challenging."
Improved: "Using a hybrid approach proved challenging…"
4. Synonyms and Shell Nouns:
Synonyms add variety and verve.
Shell Nouns: Conceptual containers that package complex ideas (e.g., "These problems…" referring to a list of symptoms like motivation and concentration loss).
5. Cohesive Ties and Transitional Expressions:
Conjunctive adverbs (however, therefore, furthermore) bridge ideas.
Flexibility of Position:
Beginning: "However, parents can support…"
Middle: "Parents and teachers can support skill development, however, by…"
Paragraph Problem-Solving and Formatting
Common Paragraph Weaknesses:
Lack of orientation/focus (meandering).
Failure to develop the central point (needs more evidence/explanation).
Haphazard internal structure.
Tedious length.
Isolation from surrounding paragraphs.
Over-arching Principles for Effective Paragraphs:
Unity: One main idea or function per paragraph.
Development: Idea is adequately substantiated.
Coherence: Logical flow between sentences.
Relevance: Meaningful contribution to the text's purpose.
Continuity: Paragraphs fit the larger arrangement.
Format and Visual Factors:
Digital/Screen: Readers prefer shorter paragraphs, sans serif fonts, and line breaks.
Print: Readers prefer longer paragraphs, serif fonts, and indentation.
Rule of Consistency: Use either indentation or line breaks, never both simultaneously.