Study Notes on Participant One: Leah's Experience with Anxiety and Depression

Appendix A: Participant One: “Leah”

Background on Anxiety and Depression

  • Leah's recognition of anxiety:

    • Diagnosed with anxiety at age 6.

    • Experienced daily panic attacks.

  • Diagnosis of depression occurred during sophomore year of college.

  • Family history of mental health issues:

    • Both sides of the family had history of anxiety and depression.

    • Mention of sister who also experienced depression in college.

Experience During Study Abroad

  • Description of study abroad experience:

    • Counts as a mix of stressful, exciting, terrifying, and wonderful feelings.

  • Diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) at the same time:

    • Significant weight gain of 25 lbs in 2 months.

  • Family vacation at the beach following return:

    • Ideal conditions: perfect weather, fewer crowds, family together for the first time in a year.

    • Leah's desire to sleep instead of engaging in family activities.

    • Feeling ashamed of weight gain and lack of desire to wear a swimsuit.

Recognition of Excessive Fatigue

  • Realization that fatigue was not just from study abroad:

    • Able to sleep 12+ hours and yet still feel the need to nap.

    • Describes body feeling like lead and every activity being tiring.

    • Worked during summer but was late and indifferent about job responsibilities.

Emotional Isolation

  • Return to university and new job:

    • Required involvement on campus but spent most time alone in her room.

    • Despite boyfriend's daily visits, Leah felt isolated.

    • Conflicting relationships: friends checked in, but Leah felt unable to share her feelings.

  • Definition of depression:

    • Absence of feeling was not Leah's experience; rather, it was a persistent pain.

    • Description of physical manifestations of pain (chest tightening, tears of hopelessness).

Struggle with Sharing Feelings

  • Leah’s reluctance to discuss her struggles:

    • Pride and fear of seeming weak.

    • Belief that others wouldn’t understand her unique experience with depression.

  • Exploration of self-harm as a coping mechanism:

    • Cutting as a method to replace mental pain with physical pain that was visible and “real.”

  • Reflection on visibility and acknowledgment of pain:

    • Blood as justification for emotional turmoil.

    • Feeling ashamed yet desperately wanting help.

Reaction to Self-Harm Discovery

  • Boyfriend's discovery of self-harm scars:

    • Leah's instinct to hide her struggles intensified.

    • Humorously viewed her boyfriend's inquiry about her emotions, highlighting the disconnect between societal views of depression (sadness) and her experience.

Medical Intervention

  • Thanksgiving visit to doctor for PCOS check-up:

    • Noticed additional weight gain, totaling 50 lbs in 6 months.

    • Discussion of depression with doctor:

    • Inability to state everything was 'fine'; finally admitted to feeling 'bad.'

    • Answering yes to multiple depression and anxiety symptoms confirmed her struggles.

    • Pivotal question from the doctor about suicidal thoughts urged Leah to confront her fears about life.

Coping Mechanisms

  • Initiation of prescribed depression medication:

    • Immediate expectations for quick results contrasted with reality of adjustment period.

  • Gradual re-engagement with social life:

    • Increased willingness to hang out with friends, visit places instead of isolation.

    • Sleep patterns varied; less dependence on sleeping.

  • Development of additional techniques to combat depression:

    • Resisting the urge to nap during the day.

    • Counteracting self-harming thoughts with reminders of reasons to stay alive.

    • Family involvement and support as a crucial component.

Long-Term Perspective on Depression

  • Current management of depression:

    • Acknowledgment that depression is a lifelong condition that requires ongoing adjustments.

    • Self-awareness to recognize when to take time for mental health.

    • Utilizing different strategies when recognizing the return of depressive symptoms.

Conclusion

  • Leah’s outlook after two years:

    • Cultivated a belief that she can handle her depression with or without help.

    • Assurance of family support.

    • A sense of purpose, even if it is not immediately clear.

    • Finding daily happiness as an ongoing journey, taken one step at a time.