Mon Feb 24th - 2025

• People aren't making as many close friendships than they used to

  • Number of people of who say they have no close friendships, its 12% now, in 1990 it was only 3%

    • Time and Proximity

• Studies have shown that it takes 90 hours of time together to consider someone a friend and more than 200 hours to consider them a close friend that you have an emotional connection with

  • 200 hours is like closer to 2 terms

The Art of Making Friends

1. Friendships are not made, they are found

   1. Proximity does matter due to environment

2. Friendships are created through communication

3. Friendships are voluntary (beware of fair-weathered friends)

   1. We sort of chose who we want to be around

   2. Fair-weathered friends who are just there during the happy times

      1. However, also need the friends that shoulder burdens

      2. Good to have “corner” people - people who are in ur corner

• Become a “regular” at something

  • continually go to it and do it

• Communication tips:

  1. Lets assume you’re not lucky

  2. Don’t wait. always make the first move

  3. Work on your small talk

  4. Positive nonverbals, think how you come across

  5. Follow the golden rule

  6. Don’t stay in ur dorm, push outside comfort zone

• Types of Friendships

  1. Short vs long term

  2. Task vs maintenance

     1. Task orientated friendship - is a friend u make in a class, but when the class ends, no longer have that friendship

     2. Maintenance - u want to hangout because you like each other

  3. Low vs high disclosure

  4. Low vs high obligation

     1. Important

        1. Fair weathered friends would have a LOW OBLIGATION

        2. Have to have a couple HIGH obligation friends

  5. Infrequent vs Frequent contact

  MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

  • what are things u do to maintain your relationships

    • will call while walking + talking

  • The most important thing you can give your friends is TIME

    • Building time into your routine

Which best describes your idea of love?

• 6 love styles

  1. Lee’s Colors/Styles of Love

     1. Primary Love Styles

        1. Eros - Romantic, passionate love

           1. Heat driven love style, passion driven

           2. Think love at first sight

              1. EX: The Notebook

        2. Ludus - Love as a Game

           1. Game Playing, the art of seduction

           2. LUDUS IS THE MOST NONCOMMITTAL

              1. EX: Ian and Mickey from Shameless

        3. Storge - Love as Friendship

           1. Friendship love, calm, builds over time

           2. It shows u can emerge out of the friendzone

              1. EX: Ron and Hermione from Harry Potter

     2. Secondary Love Styles

        1. Mania - Obsessive Love - when u mix EROS AND LUDUS

           1. Like you are crazy in love

           2. Its all consuming style of love

           3. Fail classes when in mania love style

              1. EX: Movie: Fatal Attraction

        2. Pragma - practical love, makes sense

           1. What am I getting out of the relationship vs what I am getting

           2. Think Social Exchange Theory

        3. Agape - Self-less, dutiful love

           1. Think Titanic

           2. being self less for significant other

  Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love - Sternberg devised there were 7 types of love forms found in between elements of intimacy, passion, and commitment

  
  

  The “Hybrids”:

  1. Romantic Love

     1. Passion + Intimacy ( No Commitment)

  2. Companionship Love - Think Friendship

     1. Intimacy + Commitment (No Passion)

  3. Fatuous Love - Intimacy takes the longest to develop

     1. Passion + Commitment (No Intimacy)

  4. Consummate Love

     1. All Three

  • INTIMACY

    • intimacy of touch , subtle moments

  • PASSION

  • COMMITMENT

    • Labels

  The “Stand Alones”

  • When you REMOVE Intimacy and Passion its: Empty Love

    • A “shell” of what it used to be

  • When you REMOVE Passion and Commitment its: Liking

    • It is just intimacy only

  • When you REMOVE intimacy and commitment its: Infatuation

How to Foster Relational Intimacy:

• Thanks and compliments

• Asking big questions

  • EX: Where do you see us

• Asking for what you need

• Date nights and touch