Betrayal : Abuse in the Catholic Church in Nova Scotia (2010) - the fifth estate

Introduction

  • Linden MacIntyre presents a departure from traditional storytelling in the Fifth Estate, focusing on an international crisis within the Roman Catholic Church.

  • The crisis involves widespread sexual abuse by priests and feelings of betrayal from bishops and the Pope among faithful Catholics.

Background

  • MacIntyre's personal connection to Cape Breton, where he grew up and worked as a reporter.

  • His intention to write about local sexual abuse stories from a fictional viewpoint to grasp its extent without speculation.

  • A shocking revelation about a known priest's abuse compels personal reflection on trust and betrayal in the community.

Personal Testimonies

  • Father Hugh McDonald faces 23 sex-related charges; the pervasive movement of offending priests across parishes likens it to a plague.

  • Survivors discuss feelings of confusion and betrayal during their abuse, highlighting the trusted status of priests, which complicates reporting abuse.

  • A survivor describes the lasting impact of abuse and the deep shame and helplessness felt at the time.

  • Reflection on family dynamics, trust in authority and the silence surrounding abuse, especially in Catholic families.

Impact on Victims and Families

  • Suicide of a victim's brother, driven by the inability to cope with the secret of abuse, illustrates the tragic consequences of silence and fear.

  • Legal actions arise against the Diocese of Antigonish, spearheaded by survivors and family members bringing attention to accountability.

  • In total, nearly 140 claims filed under class-action processes against the diocese.

Diocese Response and Settlement

  • Bishop Raymond Lahey's willingness to settle claims without significant resistance is a stark contrast to historical church transparency.

  • A substantial settlement of thirteen million dollars for past abuses is reached, coupled with apologies and acknowledgments of wrongdoing.

Shocking Revelations and Further Legal Action

  • The arrest of Bishop Lahey on child pornography charges leads to renewed scrutiny and distrust among survivors and their advocates.

  • Survivors reject negotiated settlements, opting for individual lawsuits to hold abusers accountable and make their personal stories public.

Cultural Shift and Ongoing Pain

  • Survivors express ongoing struggles with mental health due to their experiences and the church's systemic failure.

  • Fear and stigma still prevent many victims from coming forward, exacerbating silent suffering within the community.

  • The economic hardships of Cape Breton residents complicate feelings regarding responsibility for legal settlements.

Bishop Accountability and the Vatican

  • Discussions around the financial expectations placed on local parishes versus the Vatican's role in accountability.

  • Emphasis on how church protectionism contributed to a culture of silence regarding abuse and misdeeds of clergy.

Future Directions

  • Calls for institutional change within the Catholic Church demand greater accountability and shifts towards local governance.

  • Emergence of a desire from laity for more significant involvement and input in church decision-making processes.

  • Changing perceptions of faith, where many separate their beliefs from the institution of the church.

Conclusion

  • The collective trauma faced by victims of abuse in the Catholic Church continues to influence their relationship with faith and community.

  • While individual faith remains strong, trust in church leadership and willingness to support it are deeply affected by ongoing revelations of misconduct and betrayal. good evening I'm Linden MacIntyre tonight we depart from the traditional format of the Fifth Estate for a story

    from where I grew up where I worked for years as a reporter wrote three books about the people in the place and yet

    could never have imagined what I'm about to tell it's how an international crisis

    in the Roman Catholic Church touched down like a tornado leaving faithful Catholics convinced that the criminal

    behavior of a handful of their priests has been compounded by betrayal by their bishops and their Pope

    Oh

    I first heard it in church you Felix standing up and saying get lost [ __ ] off

    or whatever you know the parishioners are being told we'll give you a first

    option to buy but what we took from you

    when they turn around and say why can we not dream the wrong it's very difficult to stand in front of people as a priest

    and say hey because we're all won't do it and I do appreciate that

    it's a legitimate question all roads as we uncover these crimes lead to Rome

    lead to Vatican

    well I grew up in Cape Breton I went to school in Cape Breton was a practicing

    Catholic in the traditional sense worked here as a newspaper reporter they have a

    house here that I use in the summer months and when I get here people

    invariably say when did you come home

    I was aware that sexual abuse had been a factor around here sexual abuse has led

    to the destruction of people's lives people have killed themselves

    I wondered how far I could go as a reporter to tell that story before I was

    into realms where people would be unwilling to talk and I would be into a speculation I decided that I would

    explore it myself and try to do it from a fictional point of view

    then I found out in the course of doing the book that a priest I knew right handy here was it was a horrific sexual

    abuser of both boys and girls I didn't know that and it came as a horrific shock to me sexual abuse is probably the

    most profoundly damaging betrayal that anybody can experience because it always

    happens with someone who is known and trusted and there can be no greater

    betrayal than the betrayal of someone who is about as trusted as you can

    humanly be and around here that's a Catholic priest Father Hugh McDonald

    made his first court appearance to face 23 sex related charges mom Burkett pleaded guilty to sexual

    assault and was sentenced to two years in prison today another lawsuit was filed we had cases where four in

    particular priests were charged and convicted of sexual abuse these weren't priests who were found in one parish

    caught their and prosecuted these were priests who were routinely moved around among a number of parishes so it was

    kind of like a plague that traveled through the diocese

    he'd call and say to my mom he needs something done at the church it was Susie me that he asked for

    in the beginning it felt very natural for him to want to give you a hug when

    the hugs became different than an unease set in it was like is this something

    that's really happening am i right matching this when things progressed further than that it was like I can't

    believe this just happened where am I at

    you've run outside the door will anybody help me can I scream will I be heard all these thoughts are

    going through a mind as he was abusing me everything good in me was taken out and it was just like put into a blender

    how do you exist after that

    I hate myself well my picture say just great the faces often

    I didn't want no reminder of the kid so

    I got really well

    one of those prosecuted and probably one of the worst abusers in the diocese was

    a man who came to our home when I was a kid growing up he was my uncle's parish

    priest in the northern part of Cape Breton at the time and my uncle would bring him to the house and he was a gregarious friendly guy who loved music

    and loved to drink and everyone thought what a down-to-earth fine priest he was

    turned out that he was a serial abuser who created havoc all over this place

    we were a large family we were 14 kids my mom was a stay-at-home mom my dad was

    a coal miner and we were what we considered your average coal mining family

    I think UV offended my mother right away he got in good terms with her she

    trusted him she felt that this was a good place for her kids to be involved

    with

    you've used a place here in the church next door throughout - and in his

    vehicle what prevented you from going to

    your father or mother I hear other people say you know I went home and I told right away

    and they got a slap across the face never to say that again you know don't you dare say it about this godly priest and and I think that's what I felt like

    I was betraying somebody with this not he was betraying somebody but I was betraying someone with this and I felt

    that if I told that one either I wouldn't be believed or - I would I

    would probably get a good whipping in and sent back anyway I was so fearful of

    people finding that out that I said I'll never tell me about this and this fear persisted until you were grown up man

    yeah married with children yeah and in my in my late teens I many times thought

    about how I could take my own life without make it look like an accident and no one would ever know I'd have my

    father's car and coming over over the new bridge in the water part and thinking if I just go off the road I'll

    die accident normal ever no that's how serious I was about nobody knowing that

    secret my brother on April 4th 2002 went

    missing we had a call from his wife saying that David didn't come home today and that was so unlike him

    my sister and I decided to fly out to the west coast is now there's an RCMP sir it's going on because they thought maybe he went off the road on the 16th

    day they had found David you have taken his own life and left a

    suicide note he had taken his own life

    because he couldn't live with that secret anymore about the abuse from father you have a McDonald's I was so

    broken by what I just heard because I thought had I exposed that secret many

    many years ago then my brother would still be alive that's how I felt at that point in time and I've struggled with

    that for for many many years I promised my brother that I would make sure that

    the people responsible for his abuse and I thought his death would pay for that and that would be the Catholic Charities

    of the Diocese father Hugh McDonald made his first court appearance

    the 80-year returned voluntarily to Cape Breton from Ontario to face 23 sex

    related charges he eventually died before being held

    accountable for what he had done Papa McDonald any comment on the charity sir some people could have said well

    I've tried we laid criminal charges and we did what we could but Ron took that obligation to

    his brother so seriously that he felt he had to do something a man whose brother

    killed himself six years ago is spearheading a suit against the Diocese of Antigonish the three things that I

    want this to do was to to get that accountability to get some type of peace

    for those victims who had come forward and to free the people who have never come forward

    are we talking dozens are we talking hundreds more than a hundred people have

    filed claims under the class-action process almost 140 claims were filed the

    big surprise was that the bishop of the de Raymond LA he was was more than

    anxious to reach an amicable settlement I guess in religious terms the victims

    and the lawyers were looking for a confession that bad things had happened thanks to the misbehavior of some

    priests and they wanted an act of contrition that would take the form of

    some kind of material compensation and they found that bishop Lackey was ready to reach some

    an agreement without a whole lot of pain he was championing this process and he

    was able to speak about it with that kind of passion and that kind of belief they typically fight these claims

    vigorously so to have someone in authority say we want to find a better

    way that was that was incredibly

    refreshing over the course of five years I really felt that this guy was decent

    and I felt really at peace with signing that settlement with him on that day the

    Roman Catholic Diocese of anagen ich has agreed to pay up to thirteen million dollars to people who were sexually

    abused by any of its priests I want them to know how terribly sorry we are how

    wrong this abuse was and how we are now trying to write these past wrongs

    shortly after the big settlement I happened to be on a reporting assignment in California when somebody contacted me

    by blackberry asking me if I could suggest someone in Antigonish diocese

    who could give a reasonable and official comment on the fact that bishop Raymond LA he had just been arrested I thought

    it was a joke sad to say it was no joke today police say that Bishop law he is facing child

    pornography charges

    what was your response when you found out what he was facing well disbelief you know the man that

    you're working with the man that you're talking to several times a week the man that you're seeing regularly at meetings

    and events is not the man that I'm hearing about it was the watershed event

    in the past two years of this diocese and it's going to be I think for some

    years to come he changed almost everything well the big change was that

    a number of sexual abuse survivors decided that they wanted no part of the settlement that bishop wah he had

    negotiated it was tainted as far as they were concerned and they launched their own lawsuits against the diocese and

    they were insisting that this time they would name and shame the priests that

    molested them one of them was a father Alan McDonald who was running amuck

    among the children in a parish just a few miles from where I grew up today another lawsuit was filed Phillip

    Latimer says as a boy he was abused by a priest in his hometown of Harvard bushy he considered accepting compensation

    under a settlement recently negotiated by law he in a separate class action

    suit but decided to launch his own suit when he learned about law he's arrested when the man that orchestrated the deal

    was no different than the man that committed the crime that did it that did

    it for me I could have took their money and nobody be none the wiser my neighbor wouldn't know a thing and you know what

    that would have suited my character at the time right by taking the money and nobody knowing anything because I didn't

    want anybody to know anything in the past but now I'm not afraid about people knowing everything and that but that's

    what the dice is afraid of people knowing everything I want the floodgates to open

    you'd be at the church as an altar boy and afterwards he had asked you down to the house

    he would give us alcohol and pizza and possibly passes down to watch a hot game

    eventually you'd find yourself there alone

    the only thing I can remember is looking at the ceiling and just begging for this not to happen

    there's many victims that can't come forward because they can't even today speak about it

    they live in silent horror there is men in the past some Harbor bushi in other areas that has committed suicide that is

    that has died in the drunken car accident but the question is why after I come out when my Vera went for write on

    TV they just totally made me start thinking about all so it didn't

    necessarily have a good effect when when Phillip started knowing he'd had it just through you right back into it and what

    happened well I started drinking a lot more and start doing some of the tropes

    and that and I was thinking back like I couldn't better father so how long did

    it get you tried to kill yourself

    what Antigonish diocese has added to the discussion is this whole question of

    accountability who will pay for the remediation of crime right now it looks

    like the people who are obliged to pay are the people who are perhaps less able

    to pay than any other diocese that I can think of in the country they have come

    from parish to parish to collect monies why picked on the lowest members of the

    totem pole it will be much easier if we went up the pole and went to the Vatican and take sell one of those statues serve

    on those pictures Cole during the 50s and 60s symbolized

    the vulnerability and the dependence of the Cape Breton economy today it's

    acquired an entirely new symbolic value it's the rock upon which a sound economic future can be built

    when I worked here as a reporter in the early 70s with 10,000 people working in

    the steel plant here associated construction the coal industry the manufacture of coke which was the fuel

    for the steel industry 10,000 jobs none of which remain today as far as world

    scale steel production is concerned we are now spectators at a game that's been postponed indefinitely

    in a single generation the geography that is enclosed by the diocese of

    Antigonish has lost its three principal economic mainstays coal mining steel

    making and the ground fishery this of course translates into an economic

    problem that exacerbates the burden that has been placed on the Catholic population of this area to come up with

    eighteen and a half million dollars at last count to compensate people who were

    victims of sexual abuse over the last half-century

    this is an open letter to his Excellency bishop raymond je l'ai your excellency

    the Diocese of Antigonish had agreed to a multi-million dollar settlement in a

    class-action lawsuit involving victims of abuse by its own Roman Catholic

    priests

    on a small island such as our madam where the jobs are few and far between

    it's a total mess to find out that the sum of one hundred and fifty nine

    thousand two hundred and sixty three dollars and nine cents has been taken

    away to pay for the settlement of the sex abuse victims what prompted me to

    write the letters was the fact that the onus was on us to pee I wasn't pleased

    so then I decided I was going to go public and write letters and I've written many what happens if a parish

    says go away further ball well they have said you know some places and not parish just but individuals have certainly said

    go away this is not our problem it's not my problem you shouldn't be doing this to my parish don't get me wrong I

    totally agreed that this should be compensated that is a must but to use

    the smaller churches where our ancestors have given everything they had and my

    parents money is that they didn't have to keep their church going and to make

    their community a better place to live I think no that's wrong

    welcome to another daily here at the mabu community center and of course

    toasties need more great traditional Scottish music

    I know in the last year's the hall committee looks after and keeping the hall maintained and not a penny comes

    from the parish it's a crucial Center practically everything we have here you

    have it in the hall

    tell me about how the church got built they decided to build a new church here

    because of the population they you know just exploded for a while right so the carpenters came in and the

    stonemason was had Rankin tested on Rankin he put the foundation in and all the work was done for nothing I've known

    Daniel Rankin all my life pretty well Daniel was a schoolteacher for many years was active in his community he

    served in municipal politics he ran for the Conservatives I think he does have

    the the gumption to say what a lot of people think the idea of you know oh

    this is great we'll be able to buy our haulback I'm just believed what the hell are we buying our haulback for when we owned in

    the first place you know that's and I I'm not standing I'm not moving away from that the health

    has changed so the relationship you think between the church and the people in the communities I don't think it'll

    ever change the relationship if you have a good relationship with your local priest for many of them it is nothing to

    do with them or any wrongdoing on their part but it certainly will change your

    attitude towards the church and the wider and certainly towards wrong for

    them to say that okay well this is what we're going to be doing and it doesn't involve any cost to them at all when

    really the entire cost of the settlement you could take from a painting down in the Vatican and sell it and that would be if instead you're beggaring every

    every small Church in the area to do it this is the stuff that is really challenging for people and I guess I

    don't am i hearing sympathy from father Abbess oh sure sure you adhere your

    sympathy for me I mean these are good people they feel that everything is

    closing in around them that all kinds of things are being asked of them and when they turn around and say bo

    where do we look for a little bit of help it's very difficult to stand in front of people as a priest and say

    because we're own won't do it hello everyone I'm Tom Murphy there's a

    change of leadership tonight in a troubled Catholic Diocese right now a new bishop is being installed in

    Antigonish there will be lots of you know difficulties lots of trials but but I have a great sense of hope now the

    elephant in the room wherever this conversation happens is what about Rome

    how come it is not taking a particular interest in this particular problem well

    I think we need to you know keep the understanding of how the church is organized the whole church is divided

    into dices and one of those diocese would be the Diocese of Rome who whose

    Bishop is the Bishop of Rome and the Pope and he also has some role in terms

    of the rest of the diocese but in terms of Rome providing financial support for instance it's like saying something

    happened here in Antigonish well how come Archdiocese of Halifax is not helping out well it's it's our problem

    in a sense yeah also in my books the Vatican is right at the top of that

    entity and the Archdiocese and the diocese they were all responsible for

    what happened so they have to take responsibility I've had lots of people my diocese who have come to me and said

    look we absolutely 100% support what you're doing but we don't think we

    should have to pay for us and my answer that is neither do i they have a very

    rich stuff Rome has all kinds of money and I think

    you know they are ultimately responsible they go down to the lowest members of

    the the totem pole could take money it would be much easier if you went up the pole and went to the Vatican and went to

    those Taliban wing gothic of the Catholic Church and take sell one of

    those statues sell on those pictures what is the situation in terms of

    Vatican liability for crimes committed by people who are directly beneath them

    and in the in the hierarchy liability liability means that there's some kind

    of relationship such as this is the employer this is the employee like that

    kind of language doesn't work in terms of Church I'm not the employee of the Vatican but they appointed you yeah well

    so in terms of the the appointment of Bishops certainly that it comes from Rome but it also is rooted in in the

    local church as well in in the sense that you know names are collected locally Rome then goes through a whole

    process of consultation on the local level and and then they make the

    appointment all roads as we uncover these crimes

    lead to Rome lead to the Vatican all of it

    father maciel started the Legion of Christ in the forties in Mexico and became a worldwide inspiration to youth

    in ministry and formed seminaries across

    the world at the same time he recruited all these seminarians he abused them regularly repeatedly this kid depicted

    here with John Paul to his father Maciel's biological son whom he abused

    for ten years from ages 7 to 17 and the reality is the Vatican chose to ignore

    it because maciel was raising money worldwide and funneling it to the

    Vatican the search for legal remedies almost

    everywhere except here has been the diocesan level you're going in the other

    direction well Cardinal Ratzinger is now Pope Benedict and our focus on him as the

    Pope is on the station and the power of that office that has misused and abused

    that power when it comes to child protection but the legal reality ends at a diocesan level well I don't I don't

    agree with the proposition the legal reality ends at the at the corporation of the bishop it is the corporation of

    the bishop that is created by the Vatican and it is the Vatican to whom they answer

    until they are held accountable they will be the ones responsible for the

    ongoing continued worldwide cover-up of

    clerical sexual abuse they've never succeeded in stamping out a sexual abuse

    of minors in the churches 2000 year history the first evidence of any type

    of legislation or awareness comes from a council that took place in Spain in a

    town called Elvira and that was in 309 there's a document from 1866 that

    imposed absolute secrecy on any investigation or Church prosecution of

    cases involving any form of sexual abuse in 1922 the Vatican issue of procedural

    decree everyone involved from the time the investigation began was bound by

    what was called at that time the secret of the Holy Office which was the highest form of secrecy or confidentiality in

    the Catholic Church those procedures were replaced in 2001 by another one

    issued by the present Pope when he was head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith the difference was

    this was made public but the processes themselves are still enshrouded in

    complete and absolute secrecy I wanted to ask you a question about father Murcia he became upset when I tried to

    ask him about the Maciel case in 2002 and slap my hands oppression whether you

    have us a woman so there's a question whether you know that had to be one of

    the most extraordinary media ambushes of all time reporter from ABC News trying

    to get a comment from the Cardinal who for more than 20 years enforced the

    policy of secrecy regarding sexual abuse cases then Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger now

    pope benedict xvi i think his response while he was in the congregation was

    appalling if he saw the reports which he did many of them many

    of them were when priests wanted to be lay sized that they were described all of this in the report nothing that was

    ever done if in fact Cardinal Ratzinger was reading the reports that were crossing his desk during the 80s one of

    the first and worst of the storms that the church would be facing in the 90s and in the early part of the new

    millennium came from Canada the winter

    commission traveled to every parish were priests abused children pored through church records talked to experts and

    victims discovered a hierarchy that had ignored downplayed or covered up the

    abuse how can we help heal the hurt and anger that we know is here and colony

    look God can we prevent it from happening again the winter commission sister Nuala Kenny

    was a member of that now she's taken it to Canadian Bishops hoping to revive its work from that study of what happened in

    Newfoundland we understood that there were deeper systemic issues that allowed

    it to happen that allowed it to go on for so long that allowed the kind of responses that had occurred to occur

    this issue won't let me sleep some nights I didn't expect to be here I

    don't even want to be dealing with this issue at the moment but I can't do any other because I think it is serious

    I have a very analytic could approach to things that I draw up concept maps it

    looks kind of a convoluted mess but that's how complex this is the circle

    issues that were relevant to the topic at hand and then you try to see where

    they relate for example if you look at the power1 the secrecy and denial comes

    from different practices and a systematic kind of cultural issues if

    there's one thing I want to do is to help our bishops understand head-down

    avoiding scandal has resulted in the greatest scandal in the history of the modern church this week we heard

    reports of a priest abusing deaf boys at a school in the United States police have raided the headquarters of the

    Belgian Catholic Church in Brussels there are allegations the Pope himself turned a blind eye to the sexual abuse

    of children by priests the crisis stretches the breadth of the continent and has reached inside the Pope's native

    Germany the justice minister here accused the Vatican of obstructing investigations into the alleged abuse

    from evidence that I have seen what typically happen when a bishop found out

    that a priest had been sexually abusing children he would usually admonish him

    very privately and send him to another assignment

    I tried coming here now because it brings back such a flood of emotions

    that it's steeped with tradition for me it's deep with history and yet it's got a lot of pain Hugh

    Vincent MacDonald ended up in New Waterford because one of my clients mothers met with the bishop and said

    Hugh Vince a mcdonnell sexually abused my child like most families in Cape Breton she had a cousin who was a priest

    she called her cousin her cousin arranged a meeting with the Bishop Bishop power and she met personally with

    Bishop power to see what should be done about this Bishop power convinced her

    not to go to the police and said he would take care of it and he did he

    moved few vincent to the waterford doesn't Agnes to st. Agnes where he met

    Ron Martin and David Martin and many others explain to me the rationale by

    which bishops would move sexual offenders around within a parrot rather

    than just take them to the local police station I think there certainly were mistakes

    made in the in those years where they weren't where priests were moved around

    but I think recently now in our legal settlement we've made a real effort to try to rectify that that situation so

    that if any kind of charge comes up nowadays then there's no no sense of

    moving around any priest so they're taking a lot of ministry but is it is it really accurate to say it was a mistake

    I mean this was policy but I don't know if was a policy in the sense of moving around people who have been offending

    there were directives from the Vatican you're not to go to the civil authorities this is here to avoid

    scandal certainly there was a focus on trying to look at the the whole sense of

    the church and avoiding scandal there and that may have been one of our faults

    responding to the situation has not been easy it was sometimes very badly handled

    I unknown it's a pain it's a church in

    America's experience and there isn't months a church in Ireland has been severely shaken as a result of the child

    abuse crisis I also knowledge with you it's a shame and humiliation which all

    of us have suffered because of systems this port has been open to apology but

    that's words actions speak louder than words and we're now in the US Supreme

    Court and some are daunted by it I'm not there are legal impediments that the

    Vatican has thrown up and they will continue to throw up in acclaim an immunity because they are sovereign you

    can't sue but you can hold sovereigns

    responsible such as the Vatican for international violations of human rights

    systematic cover-up of crimes such as slavery genocide and sexual abuse and in

    this case that's exactly what we have the systematic cover-up of rape of

    children the American courts have consistently supported Anderson's position that sovereign or not the

    Vatican is legally accountable the position recently validated by the US

    Supreme Court in what could turn out to be a legal landmark maybe even here I

    don't think the importance can really adequately be imagined or described today because I think this is opening up

    this is opening the door to some very very serious issues for the

    institutional church I think it's gravely important this is about a spiritual cultural transformation in the

    church no small thing here as far as the church itself and donating never again

    a crisis in the Diocese of Antigonish has the potential to resonate far and

    wide within the church because it introduces a word that has always been pretty abstract and in the relationship

    between Catholics and they and the Roman Catholic hierarchy in that word is accountability I think people in the

    pews will demand accountability and lawyers are going to start to demand a

    greater degree of accountability that will be surprising and foreign to the

    culture of this institution people are saying already and very very clearly we

    want a new structure so we want our parishes weary in our parishes want to

    have more control more ownership and more of a stake in what happens as laity

    we were you know we were controlled by our priests and that thankfully is over or I shouldn't say over but it's it's

    it's getting less and less this is about a spiritual cultural transformation in the church you know small thing here

    I think there are more and more people who are making mental split between

    their faith and the church in ways that they've never done before their faith is

    not jaqen but boy the credibility of the church is at stake here

    I feel so sad for the abuse victims and

    I feel kind of hangared towards the hierarchy all along they knew what was

    going on they were aware of what was going on and they were moving the priest from parish to parish to repeat the

    offenses that they were doing and when I found that out well me I made a decision

    that I was not going to take part in that church anymore

    unless there are major major changes I will watch Mass for shut-ins from my

    apartment my fate is my rock but as far

    as the church itself and donating never again will I give another cent and the

    reason for that is that if I did that in my heart I would feel that I'm accepting

    what they're doing as being right and for me it's wrong we're trying our best

    and that's why you know for my part whenever I'm engaged in this and you asked me earlier on how do I work it in

    my head I just have to keep coming back to but this is about victims

    Oh I go every Sunday because I believe in

    the Eucharist where youth your stick church and that's why I go

    first sometimes for me is the loneliest place in the world I feel absolutely

    isolated in that place but it's still gonna go up because in the end of this I

    still want to be Catholic I think

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