Psychology 101: Relationships, Attraction, and the Self
Strong Relationships and Social Connection
Human Craving for Connection: Humans possess a fundamental need to crave connection with other people.
Continuum of Relationship Strength: Relationships vary in their degree of intimacy and strength along a spectrum:
Aware of individuals
Acquaintance
Friend
Close confidante
Loved one
Foundations of Connection: The strength of these bonds is based on Several factors including familiarity, trust, respect, empathy, and specific emotional bonds.
Determinants of Attraction
Proximity: Geographic nearness is considered the strongest predictor of friendship.
Mere Exposure Effect: This phenomenon occurs when repeated exposure to a specific stimulus increases an individual's liking of that stimulus.
Similarity: The more alike people are, the more likely the liking will endure over time.
Physical Appearance: There is a tendency to be attracted to individuals who possess a similar appearance to one's own.
Personal Characteristics: People are drawn to those with admirable personality characteristics, which are primarily prosocial in nature.
Physical Attractiveness: Attractive individuals are often perceived through a positive lens, being viewed as healthier, happier, more sensitive, more successful, and more socially skilled.
Symmetry: Symmetrical faces are a primary component of attractiveness.
Halo Effect: This is the implicit bias where "what is beautiful is good."
Cultural and Universal Forces: While cultural forces are strong, certain traits, such as symmetry, are universally attractive across all populations.
Average Faces: Faces that represent an arithmetic average of facial features are typically considered the most attractive.
The Nature of Love and Intimacy
Passionate Love: A state of intense longing and sexual desire.
Often described as "falling head over heels."
Typically present at the beginning of an intimate relationship.
Duration: Lasts approximately months.
Media Representation: Commonly depicted in movies, television, and other media.
Neurochemistry: Characterized by high levels of dopamine.
Companionate Love: A strong commitment to supporting and caring for a partner.
Characterized by deep affectionate attachment.
Foundational elements include equity and self-disclosure.
Neurochemistry: Levels of testosterone, dopamine, and adrenaline subside, while oxytocin remains prominent.
Relationship Dynamics and Long-Term Trends
Temporal Changes: Romantic relationships undergo significant changes over time. Patterns of sexual activity typically rise initially and then decline.
Marital Realities: Relatively few marriages meet the blissful ideals expected by newlyweds.
Divorce Rate: The rate of divorce in North America is approximately .
Sexual Frequency: From the first year of marriage to the second, the frequency of sex typically declines by .
Decline in Passion: Partners usually experience less passion for each other over time, which can lead to dissatisfaction or the eventual dissolution of the relationship. Research suggests partners can sometimes be meaner to each other than they are to total strangers.
Four Tendencies Leading to Dissolution: Specific behaviors that predict discord or the end of a relationship include:
Being overly critical.
Holding the partner in contempt (characterized by disdain and a lack of respect).
Being defensive.
Mentally withdrawing from the partner.
Conflict Resolution and Relationship Maintenance
Attribution Styles in Healthy Relationships: Healthy couples attribute good outcomes to each other (internal attribution) and bad outcomes to external factors (situational attribution).
This functions as an extension of the actor-observer effect, where the partner is included in the "actor" category.
Management of Beliefs: Healthy relationships require a degree of ideation and accommodation.
Partners must learn to let minor issues go without overaccommodating to the point of overcompensation.
Inaccurate positive beliefs (positive illusions) about a partner are associated with lasting relationships.
Comparison of Attribution Examples:
Happy Couples: If a partner buys flowers, it is accepted with happiness (internalized as a kind gesture). If they are late, it is blamed on the situation.
Unhappy Couples: Good outcomes are attributed to situations, and bad outcomes are attributed to the partner. Example: If a partner buys flowers, the other suspects it is a cover-up for bad behavior.
Diagnostic Relationship Examples:
Brutally honest assessments of flaws: Indicator of an unhappy relationship.
Low sexual frequency but enjoyment of company: Indicator of a happy relationship.
Inaccurate but positive beliefs: Indicator of a happy relationship (though potentially problematic if extremely overdone).
Defensiveness: Indicator of an unhappy relationship.
mutual accommodation: Indicator of a happy relationship.
Psychology of the Self
Personality Definition: A person's typical thoughts, emotional responses, and behaviors that remain relatively stable over time and across various circumstances.
The Self: A key component of personality and the sense of self, though the "self" is notoriously difficult to define.
Self-Concept: What an individual thinks, believes, and feels to be true about themselves.
Self-Schema: An integrated set of memories, beliefs, and generalizations about the self.
Neurological Basis: Researchers observe activity in the middle of the brain when people process information regarding themselves.
Case Study: Phineas Gage experienced alterations in his memory and self-processing due to brain damage in the frontal regions.
Working Self-Concept: The immediate experience of the self in the "here and now."
Because the working self-concept is only a subset of total self-knowledge, the sense of self varies by situation.
Party Example: A person who is both "fun-loving" and "intelligent" will likely embody the "fun-loving" trait at a party.
Job vs. Home Example: A person may feel "inexperienced" at a new job but feel "wise" while tutoring a sibling at home.
Distinctiveness: Individuals are especially likely to mention features like ethnicity, gender, or age if those traits differ from others in the current environment (e.g., a man in a group of women, or a Black person in a group of White people).
Self-Esteem and Social Evaluation
Self-Esteem: How an individual values or feels about themselves.
It is possible to believe positive facts about oneself but still suffer from low self-esteem.
Reflected Appraisal: The theory that self-esteem is fundamentally based on how we believe others perceive us. If others do not value the individual, the individual is less likely to value themselves.
Importance of Self-Esteem: Studies suggest self-esteem may be less critical than once believed; while people with high self-esteem are happier, it is only weakly related to objective life outcomes.
Sociometer Theory: Self-esteem acts as an internal monitor of social acceptance or rejection.
High possibility of rejection results in low self-esteem.
Low possibility of rejection results in high self-esteem.
Social Comparison and Positive Illusions
Upward Comparisons: Comparing oneself to someone perceived as more competent or in a better situation. This often confirms or exacerbates low self-esteem.
Downward Comparisons: Comparing oneself to someone perceived as less competent or in a worse situation. This is used to protect high self-esteem.
Temporal Comparison: The tendency for people to view their current selves as superior to their former selves.
Positive Illusions: Overly favorable and unrealistic beliefs held by most people in three categories:
Better-than-average effect: Common in those with high self-esteem.
Sense of control over events: Example: Fans wearing jerseys believing they are influencing a team's win.
Optimism regarding the personal future: Leads to resilience but can cause trouble if skills are overestimated or vulnerabilities are ignored.
Self-Serving Bias: The tendency to take personal credit for successes but blame failures on external factors.
Success (e.g., passing an exam) is attributed to hard work or skill.
Failure (e.g., failing an exam) is attributed to the test being an arbitrary examination of trivial details.
Psychological Protection: These biases are signs of a healthy mind as long as they do not escalate into the "Dark Triad."
The Dark Triad and Cultural Variations
The Dark Triad: A cluster of three negative personality traits:
Narcissism: Characterized by grandiosity (inflated self-esteem), pride, egotism, and a lack of empathy.
Machiavellianism: Characterized by the manipulation and exploitation of others, indifference to morality, and a focus on self-interest.
Psychopathy: Characterized by antisocial behavior, impulsivity, selfishness, callousness, and reduced emotional response.
Pop Culture Reference: Light Yagami is cited as an example.
Social perception: Interestingly, women may initially view men with Dark Triad traits positively.
Cultural Influence on the Self:
Collectivist Cultures: Emphasize connections to family, social groups, and ethnic groups; focus on conforming to societal norms. Included regions: Japan, Greece, Pakistan, China, and parts of Africa.
Individualist Cultures: Emphasize individual rights, freedoms, self-expression, and diversity. Included regions: Northern and Western Europe, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the United States.
Variation: These are not absolute; some individuals in individualistic cultures possess an interdependent sense of self, and some in collectivist cultures possess an independent sense of self.