UWEC Communications Exam: 3 

Lesson 1: Interpersonal Conflict

Conflict is necessary for an effective interpersonal relationship

Interpersonal Conflict: an expressed struggles between two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources and interference from the other party in achieving their goals

You manage your conflicts because of misattribution

Conflict can be:

  • Real
  • Perceived conflict: Conflict in your mind

Myths about Conflict

  1. Natural Harmony exists between all individuals

  2. Misunderstanding is always the cause of conflict

  3. Conflict can’t be resolved

    1. You can manage conflicts
    2. You can’t resolve conflicts because that would mean that there aren’t any residual affects

  4. Conflict represents a breakdown in the relationship

  5. Conflict represents a breakdown in the communication

Conflict is a good thing!

Absence of Conflict

  1. Groupthink (due to apathy)
  2. Risky Shift Phenomenon (due to conformity)
  3. Abilene Theory: A lack of conflict due to misattribution

Conflict Issues

  1. Intimacy

    1. Showing affection/relating to one another
    2. Integration vs separation

  2. Power

    1. Struggle for influence

  3. Personal Flaws

    1. Attribution Theory

  4. Social Issues

    1. Don’t see eye to eye

  5. Distrust Issues

    1. Privacy vs expression

Conflict Styles

  1. Avoiding/Withdrawing
  2. Accommodating/Smoothing
  3. Competing/Forcing
  4. Compromising: I win I lose & you win you lose
  5. Collaborating/Negotiating: We both win

Toxic Conflict: Gottman’s Four Horsemen

  1. Criticism (Behavior)

  2. Defensiveness

    1. Denying responsibility/Counterattacking

  3. Contempt (Person)

    1. Belittle and demean

  4. Stonewalling

    1. Shutting down the dialogue

Conflict Managment Stages

  1. Define the Conflict

    1. Define you needs
    2. Don’t Gunnysack: bringing in all of your baggage
    3. Avoid mindreading
    4. No Belt lining: Attacking at a phycological or emotional level at which the other person cannot withstand the blow

  2. Examine Possible Solutions (brainstorm)

  3. Test the solution (out loud)

  4. Evaluate the Solutions

  5. Reject/accept solutions

Advantages of managing Conflict

  1. Diffuses more serious conflict
  2. Leads us to acquire new information
  3. Increases intimacy
  4. Provides opportunity to measure power and strength

Guidelines for managing conflicts

  1. Take your time
  2. Remain issue-oriented
  3. Establish common ground
  4. Listen and respond more effectively
  5. Don’t be afraid to admit that you are wrong
  6. Assess the outcome

Lesson 2: Interpersonal Power

Who has the power in the relationship?

Interpersonal Power: the person who has the power in the relationship is the person who cares least

What we know about power

  1. You can’t take power it has to be given
  2. It can switch in a heartbeat
  3. It can be used to take advantage of another

Six Types of Power

The power you are most influenced by us the power you use to try and influence others

  1. Referent Power: You are influenced because you like the person and who they are

    1. You’re personable

  2. Expert Power: You are influenced because of their experience and who they are

    1. You’re rational

  3. Reward Power: You are influenced because of the rewards you would receive and what they have

    1. You’re realistic

  4. Coercive Power: You are influenced because they would hurt you and you are scared

    1. Lack of self confidence

  5. Legitimate Power: You are influenced by people of authority and who they are

    1. You’re submissive

  6. Informative Power: You are influenced because of the information and what they know

    1. You’re logical

Six Types of Powerplays

Powerplays: mind games

  1. Bullying: an abusive act committed by one person to another, and it’s mostly patterned
  2. Nobody upstairs: when you act dumb or that you don’t understand
  3. You owe me: A guilt trip
  4. You got to be kidding me (Gaslighting): You make the person doubt
  5. Metaphors: comparing things/ people
  6. Thought stoppers (mansplaining): when you yell, scream, and talk so they can’t speak

Lesson 3: Relationship Models

Relationship Developemnt models:

  1. Platonic
  2. Familial
  3. Intimate
  4. Work

All relationships move through same steps

All relationships are compared to climbing up and down a staircase

Hopefully you are on the same step as the other person in the relationship

Knapp’s Staircase

Most popular

Two Components of Knapp’s Staircase

1.) Coming together steps

2.) Coming apart steps

The 5 Coming Together Stages

  1. Initiating

    1. Phatic Communication: small talk

  2. Experimenting: is when you Self-Disclose

    1. You can choose to leave the relationship

  3. Intensifying: When a relationship is established

    1. You can skip this step

  4. Integrating: When others can see that there is a relationship

    1. You can skip to this step

  5. Bonding: when you have a social outward commitment to be together

    1. Society decides when you are bonded
    2. Marriage

The 5 Coming Apart Stages

  1. Differentiating: when you realize that you have different likes and beliefs

  2. Circumscribing: when you have different activities

  3. Stagnating: when nothing happens in the relationship because no one cares

  4. Avoiding

  5. Terminating: when you stop thinking about the other person and the relationship is over

    Knapp's Staircase

Wood Model

Wood Model

6 Coming together steps

  1. Individual
  2. Invitational Communication: Which is the same as initiating
  3. Explorational Communication: the same as experimenting
  4. Intensifying: Intensifying and integrating
  5. Revising: getting ready to make to social commitment of bonding
  6. Bonding

6 Coming Apart Steps

  1. Bonding
  2. Navigating:
  3. Differentiation: Circumscribing and Differentiation
  4. Disintegration: Avoiding
  5. Stagnation
  6. Termination/Individual: when you are okay with being by yourself

Lesson 4: Beginning and Ending Relationships

We begin and end relationships for the same reasons

Attraction Theory: We want to be with those we are drawn/attracted to

3 Factors that draw us to people

  1. Attractiveness: physicality & personality
  2. Proximity: People who are close to you in time or space
  3. Similarity: You have something in common

Reinforcement Theory: we want to be with those who reward us

  • Rewards doesn’t have to be tangible

Social Exchange Theory: takes into account the pros and cons of a relationship

Rewards - Costs = Profit

  • As long as there continues to be a profit, you will stay into the relationship

Equity Theory: Takes into account the pros and cons of both parties

If you are not both getting the same amount of rewards in the relationship, then you will leave the relationship

How do we start a relationship?

3 Steps to the First Encounter

  1. Examine Qualifiers: Looking at their qualities
  2. Determine Clearance: seeing if they are available
  3. Communicate Contact: starting communication

Beginning relationships are a whole lot easier than ending them

5 Disengagement Strategies

  1. Positive Emotion: Let’s just be friends
  2. Negative Identity Management: Blaming the other person for the breakup
  3. Justification: Give logical Reasons for the breakup
  4. Behavioral De-Escalation: reduce the intensity
  5. De-escalation: reduce the inclusivity and eventually the intensity of the relationship

Why specifically do relationship dissolve?

7 Common Reasons Relationships ends

  1. Unrealistic Beliefs about the relationship

  2. Excessive intimacy claims: Jealousy

  3. Third-party

    1. Can be cheating
    2. Can also be your mother or best friends’ disapproval

  4. Relationship Changes

  5. Sex-related problems

  6. Work-related problems

  7. Financial Difficulties

How can you tell is someone is going to leave you?

  1. Withdrawal
  2. Decline in self-disclosure
  3. Deception
  4. Evaluative Behaviors: when you stop being nice

Lesson 5a: Communication Climate

Climate: Emotional tone of the relationship

How do communication climates develop?

Climate is determined by the degree to which people see themselves as valued

2 Forms of Communication which Establish Climates

  1. Supportive climate

    1. Confirming communication: direct or indirect messages that convey value

  2. Defensive Climate

    1. Disconfirming Communication: Messages that signal lack of regard

Three types of Messages that Establish Climate

  1. Confirming Messages

    1. Endorsement
    2. Acknowledgement
    3. Recognition

  2. Disagreeing messages

    1. Argumentativeness
    2. Complaining

  3. Disconfirming Messages

    1. Aggressiveness
    2. Ostracism

Levels of Message Confirmation

Valuing - Non-valuing

Creating Support Climates

Gibbs Categories

  • Defense-Provoking
    • Evaluation
    • Control
    • Strategy
    • Neutrality
    • Superiority
    • Certainty
  • Supportive Behaviors
    • Description
    • Problem Orientation: Focusing on the problem not the person
    • Spontaneity
    • Empathy
    • Equality
    • Provisionals

Lesson 5b: Relational Maintenace

Relational Maintenance: Communication that keeps relationships running smoothly and satisfactorily

5 Strategies for Satisfying Interactions

These Strategies pertain to nurturing the relationship

  1. Positivity
  2. Openness
  3. Assurances: Verbal and nonverbal statements of commitment
  4. Social Networks: Being invested in the friends and family
  5. Sharing Tasks

Social Support: Helping others during challenging times by providing emotional, informational, and instrumental resources

Three types of Social Support

  1. Emotional: Being empathic
  2. Informational: Informational Sources
  3. Instrumental: Physical Help

Relational Transgressions: Where one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship lettering the other person down in some important way

Types of relational Transgressions

  1. Minor vs. Significant
  2. Social vs. Relational
  3. Deliberate vs. Unintentional
  4. One-time vs. Incremental

Relational Reconciliation

Apology: to admit wrongdoing and take responsibility for your own role in the conflict

Forgiveness: an emotional Transformation in which you let for and move on beyond the wrong you perceive the other has done for you

Relational Repair

Three parts to a good apology

  1. Acknowledgement of responsibility
  2. Offer a repair
  3. Expression of regret

Lesson 6: Friendship & Love

Friendships

3 Types of Friendships

  1. Reciprocity (Equality)
  2. Receptivity (Imbalance)
  3. Association (Passing)

In order for a friendship to last you must have trust

Trust: no matter the relationship, we must trust that the status quo remains the same

Friendship Values

We seek friendships based on what we think others can give us

5 Values of Friendship

  1. Utility Value (Talent/Skills)
  2. Affirmation Value (See Ourselves Clearly)
  3. Ego-Support Value (Encourages Us)
  4. Stimulation Value (See New Ideas)
  5. Security Value (They Won’t Hurt Us)

Love

7 Different Types of Love

  1. Eros: Love of Beauty and Sexuality

  2. Ludus: Fun Love, the person makes you happy

  3. Storge: Companionship

  4. Pragma: Practical Love, you love them because they’re your family

  5. Mania: Extreme Love, Celebrity obsessions

    1. You want a little bit of Mania love in intimate relationships, but it shouldn’t be the main love

  6. Agape: Selfless love/Mother’s love

  7. Phileo: Brotherly, love for other individuals & the world

Love Languages

  1. Physical Touch
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Quality Time
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Receiving Gifts

3 Components to True Love

  1. Intimacy: Emotional Attachment
  2. Passion: Physical Attraction
  3. Commitment: Longevity

Lesson 7: Family

Family: a group of intimates that establish a sense of home and belongingness

Characteristics of a Family

  1. Defined Roles

    1. 27 different roles

  2. Recognition of Responsibility

  3. Shared History and Future

  4. Shared Living Space

  5. Established Rules

Primaries: the couple that raised you

Types of Primaries

  1. Traditional Primaries: two individuals that share everything
  2. Separates: They have different activities
  3. Independents: the only thing that they have in common are you

Communication Patterns of Primaries

  1. Equality: Every decision is made together
  2. Balanced Split: Both make equal separate decisions
  3. Unbalanced Split: One is making more decisions than the other
  4. Monopoly: One person makes all of the decisions

Communication Improvement for Families

  1. Empathy
  2. Self-Disclosure
  3. Openness to Change
  4. Fair Fighting
  5. Reasonableness