Families Unit 3
Theories of Attraction
==:Evolutionary Psychology:== - :mate selection preferences that ensure healthy offspring are passed down through natural selection:.
- :women select males that are good providers (financially secure, intelligent) - men select females that are fertile (young, physically attractive, wider hips than waist):
%%Functionalism%% → :social homogamy: → :we’re attracted to those with similar social backgrounds (age, race, religion, SES/social class):
^^Symbolic Interactionism^^ → :ideal mate theory: → :attraction is based on an unconscious ideal that we compare others to - shaped by messages from culture, media, family → love at first sight → when someone matched said ideal:
==:Developmental Theories Erikson==: → :individuals are not capable of fully intimate relationships until the identity crisis of the transition to adulthood is resolved:
Attraction Through Evolutionary Psychology
@@:Factors in attraction:@@
- :rewards (money, status, beauty, wit)
- proximity
- convenient
- familiarity
- social homogamy
- physical attraction:
- :symmetry (symmetrical face & body = better mental & physical health, smell better)
- asymmetric dominance/decoy effect (kim kardashian is seen as more attractive when compared to kourtney and khloe - kim and kourtney look similar, but kim is slightly more attractive, making her chosen more often:
%%:Female Attractiveness:%%
- :a mix of paedomorphic features (large eyes, small chin, nose, full lips) & mature features (high cheekbones, narrow cheeks, broad smile)
- Hourglass figure → waist is 60 - 70% of hips:
- Fatty hips & thighs = more intelligent offspring - contains DHA (omega 3 fatty acid) - cannot be made by the body - infant uses this fat to build it’s brain
- small waist - not already pregnant/ a virgin
- can survive childbirth
^^:Male Attractiveness:^^
- :ovulating women prefer masculine faces (strong jaw, broad forehead) & dominant & assertive behaviour
- rest of the month → feminine, warmer faces preferred:
- salary & status increase attractiveness
- “married” men considered more attractive than “single” men
- men more attractive if surrounded by women
==Flirting & Body Language==
- :MHC - influences tissue rejection & scent - conceive a child with someone with similar MHC - risk that the womb expels the fetus:
- :T shirt experiment → women asked to smell t shirts worn by men and pick ones that appealed to them - they always choose men with very different mhc:
- different MHC means different genetic makeup → offspring will have stronger immune system
@@Male vs Female Courting Tactics@@
- :Male courting tactics:→ :attempt to assert dominance by increasing their size → chest thrust & standing tall → expansive postures increase overall feelings of power:
- %%:Female courting tactics:%% → :signal their submissiveness → looking away, covering her face - females assume low power position:
- ^^:Eye contact & gaze:^^ → :eye contact signals interest, often followed by a “displacement gesture” to alleviate anxiety(look away, fidget etc) → prolonged eye contact (4 minutes) increases intimacy:
- ==:Body synchrony:== → :aligning with & mirroring a partner’s movements creates sympathy, increases likability & intimacy:
- @@:Timing@@ → potential partners keep time with one another by copying body movements:
Dating, Courtship, & Love
→ :the obsessive idealization of the beloved & failure to see them as they truly are:
:Limerence: → :a blissful emotional state experienced in romantic love that is caused by an increase in dopamine (pleasure) & norepinephrine (stress) → involves physiological arousal + interpreting the arousal as passion:
^^:Misattribution of arousal^^ → Capilano bridge study: - :1/2 men of men approached on scary bridge called woman to ask her on a date → misinterpreted physiological arousal (pain, fear, anxiety) for erotic attraction towards the woman:
==:Romeo & Juliet effect:== → :parental opposition increases the depth of love:
@@:Unrequited love:@@ → :frustration, fear, anxiety is interpreted as passion:
→ :stable, long lasting love that characterizes long term relationships
oxytocin takes over dopamine & norepinephrine:
:3 elements of love Robert Sternberg: → :passion, commitment, intimacy:
- passion builds, spikes & then drops off
- commitment gradually increases, then levels off
- intimacy gradually increases
%%Dating in the Past%%
- chaperoned social events - girls received gentlemen callers with mothers present
- bundling boards used in crowded homes to give couple privacy but prevent sexual activity
^^Dating Now^^
- ==:Market Experience Perspective:== → :dating allows individuals to learn to relate to potential partners or to determine what qualities they eventually want in a life partner:
- @@:Online Dating:@@ → :pros: convenient, expands pool of potential partners, able to specify criteria.
- cons: time consuming, difficult to judge compatibility online, easy access to alternatives → more breakups:
→ :overwhelming amount of options leads to inability to choose one
- marriages slightly less successful when partners have more dating experience → expectations increased → hard to choose 1 partner & be satisfied:
%%:High sex ratio:%% → :when men outnumber women in a pop → results in more conservative attitudes towards sex & dating (Victorian era, 1950s) → decreases men’s life expectancy in early 20s due to increased mate competition, more stress & poor health:
^^:Low sex ratio^^ → when women outnumber men in a pop → more liberal & permissive attitude towards sex & dating:
In canada ==28%== of households are single
Purpose & History of Marriage
%%:Marriage benefits imbalance:%% → :men are happier in marriage; married women are more likely to be depressed & suffer poor mental health than unmarried women → married women are less fit than single women:
^^:The expectations gap:^^ → :women are more likely to overestimate the benefits of marriage:
==:Characteristics of enduring marriages:== → :share similar values, enjoy similar leisure activities, share common friends, pool their incomes, share active social lives, share power & decision making:
:John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: → :criticism, defensiveness contempt (anger + disgust):
@@:John Alan Lee’s Styles of Loving:@@
:Eros → erotic lover searches for a person based on physical appearance, wants an intense relationship
Ludus → ludic lover is playful & likes to play the field
Storge → storgic lover prefers slowly developing attachments that lead to lasting commitment
Agape → agapic lover is altruistic → loving without concern for receiving anything in return
Pragma → pragmatic lover searches for a person with the right traits (job, age, religion)
Mania → manic lover is obsessive, possessive, jealous & experiences great highs & lows:
:Secure → comfortable with emotional intimacy, trusting, committed, satisfied - remains calm when distressed & seeks support from others
Anxious/Ambivalent → clingy & possessive, partner is unable to provide desired levels of reassurance & intimacy - becomes anxious & fretful when distressed
Avoidant → dislikes dependency & closeness, withdraws from partner when distressed & becomes hostile:
Infidelity
Why do People Cheat?
Helen Fisher & David Buss
- Males should be promiscuous to increase potential offspring
- Females should be selective to ensure viable offspring
Eva & Wood
- women more attracted to men perceived as married than single
Grammar
- ovulating women in long term relationships displayed more flirtatious behaviour than single ovulating women
Fisher
- human pair bond lasts 4 years - enough time to raise child so it only needs 1 parent
Neurochemical reasons for cheating
vasopressin levels higher in in monogamous male voles vs promiscuous prairie voles
Monogamous females have higher levels of oxytocin in their brains
Divorce
- Early 20th century - marriage for economic/childbearing not love - divorce only granted when one partner sued the other for “matrimonial offences” of adultery or cruelty
- The Divorce Act of 1968
- – Marriage was entered into for love and companionship – Divorce was allowed for “marriage breakdown” after a separation of 3 years
- The Divorce Act of 1985
- “no fault” divorce granted after a separation of 1 year
Marriage breakdown - One of the following : – Living separately and apart for at least one year – Adultery by the other spouse – The other spouse has been guilty of cruelty
separation - must meet these two conditions: – Withdrawal from the matrimonial relationship – The intent of destroying the matrimonial union
3 phases of divorce
- @@phase 1 awareness@@ - One person recognizes the problems, then initiates the process of separation – Emotional and social withdrawal from the relationship – Energy is shifted to other roles (career, parenting etc
- @@phase 2 separation@@ - Break up of the marital system – Child custody is negotiated – Friends and family must work to accept the divorce
- ^^phase 3 REORGANIZATION^^ – The two individuals set up separate lives (emotional, physical, social and material) – Negotiation process (establish new rules with kids, and a new identity as a single person)