Families Unit 3

Theories of Attraction

==:Evolutionary Psychology:== - :mate selection preferences that ensure healthy offspring are passed down through natural selection:.

:David Buss “Evolution of Desire”: - :women select males that are good providers (financially secure, intelligent) - men select females that are fertile (young, physically attractive, wider hips than waist):

%%Functionalism%% → :social homogamy: → :we’re attracted to those with similar social backgrounds (age, race, religion, SES/social class):

^^Symbolic Interactionism^^ → :ideal mate theory: → :attraction is based on an unconscious ideal that we compare others to - shaped by messages from culture, media, family → love at first sight → when someone matched said ideal:

==:Developmental Theories Erikson==: → :individuals are not capable of fully intimate relationships until the identity crisis of the transition to adulthood is resolved:

Attraction Through Evolutionary Psychology

@@:Factors in attraction:@@

• :rewards (money, status, beauty, wit)
• proximity
• convenient
• familiarity
• social homogamy
• physical attraction:

:Factors of physical attractiveness:

• :symmetry (symmetrical face & body = better mental & physical health, smell better)
• asymmetric dominance/decoy effect (kim kardashian is seen as more attractive when compared to kourtney and khloe - kim and kourtney look similar, but kim is slightly more attractive, making her chosen more often:

%%:Female Attractiveness:%%

• :a mix of paedomorphic features (large eyes, small chin, nose, full lips) & mature features (high cheekbones, narrow cheeks, broad smile)
• Hourglass figure → waist is 60 - 70% of hips:
• Fatty hips & thighs = more intelligent offspring - contains DHA (omega 3 fatty acid) - cannot be made by the body - infant uses this fat to build it’s brain
• small waist - not already pregnant/ a virgin
• can survive childbirth

^^:Male Attractiveness:^^

• :ovulating women prefer masculine faces (strong jaw, broad forehead) & dominant & assertive behaviour
• rest of the month → feminine, warmer faces preferred:
• salary & status increase attractiveness
• “married” men considered more attractive than “single” men
• men more attractive if surrounded by women

==Flirting & Body Language==

• :MHC - influences tissue rejection & scent - conceive a child with someone with similar MHC - risk that the womb expels the fetus:
• :T shirt experiment → women asked to smell t shirts worn by men and pick ones that appealed to them - they always choose men with very different mhc:
• different MHC means different genetic makeup → offspring will have stronger immune system

@@Male vs Female Courting Tactics@@

• :Male courting tactics:→ :attempt to assert dominance by increasing their size → chest thrust & standing tall → expansive postures increase overall feelings of power:

• %%:Female courting tactics:%% → :signal their submissiveness → looking away, covering her face - females assume low power position:

• ^^:Eye contact & gaze:^^ → :eye contact signals interest, often followed by a “displacement gesture” to alleviate anxiety(look away, fidget etc) → prolonged eye contact (4 minutes) increases intimacy:

• ==:Body synchrony:== → :aligning with & mirroring a partner’s movements creates sympathy, increases likability & intimacy:

• @@:Timing@@ → potential partners keep time with one another by copying body movements:

  Dating, Courtship, & Love

  :Romantic Love: → :the obsessive idealization of the beloved & failure to see them as they truly are:

  :Limerence: → :a blissful emotional state experienced in romantic love that is caused by an increase in dopamine (pleasure) & norepinephrine (stress) → involves physiological arousal + interpreting the arousal as passion:

  ^^:Misattribution of arousal^^ → Capilano bridge study: - :1/2 men of men approached on scary bridge called woman to ask her on a date → misinterpreted physiological arousal (pain, fear, anxiety) for erotic attraction towards the woman:

  ==:Romeo & Juliet effect:== → :parental opposition increases the depth of love:

  @@:Unrequited love:@@ → :frustration, fear, anxiety is interpreted as passion:

  :Companionate Love: → :stable, long lasting love that characterizes long term relationships

  oxytocin takes over dopamine & norepinephrine:

  :3 elements of love Robert Sternberg: → :passion, commitment, intimacy:

• passion builds, spikes & then drops off

• commitment gradually increases, then levels off

• intimacy gradually increases

  %%Dating in the Past%%

• chaperoned social events - girls received gentlemen callers with mothers present

• bundling boards used in crowded homes to give couple privacy but prevent sexual activity

  ^^Dating Now^^

• ==:Market Experience Perspective:== → :dating allows individuals to learn to relate to potential partners or to determine what qualities they eventually want in a life partner:

• @@:Online Dating:@@ → :pros: convenient, expands pool of potential partners, able to specify criteria.

• cons: time consuming, difficult to judge compatibility online, easy access to alternatives → more breakups:

  :The Paradox of Choice: → :overwhelming amount of options leads to inability to choose one

• marriages slightly less successful when partners have more dating experience → expectations increased → hard to choose 1 partner & be satisfied:

  %%:High sex ratio:%% → :when men outnumber women in a pop → results in more conservative attitudes towards sex & dating (Victorian era, 1950s) → decreases men’s life expectancy in early 20s due to increased mate competition, more stress & poor health:

  ^^:Low sex ratio^^ → when women outnumber men in a pop → more liberal & permissive attitude towards sex & dating:

  In canada ==28%== of households are single

  Purpose & History of Marriage

  %%:Marriage benefits imbalance:%% → :men are happier in marriage; married women are more likely to be depressed & suffer poor mental health than unmarried women → married women are less fit than single women:

  ^^:The expectations gap:^^ → :women are more likely to overestimate the benefits of marriage:

  ==:Characteristics of enduring marriages:== → :share similar values, enjoy similar leisure activities, share common friends, pool their incomes, share active social lives, share power & decision making:

  Predictors of Relationship Success

  :John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: → :criticism, defensiveness contempt (anger + disgust):

  @@:John Alan Lee’s Styles of Loving:@@

  :Eros → erotic lover searches for a person based on physical appearance, wants an intense relationship

  Ludus → ludic lover is playful & likes to play the field

  Storge → storgic lover prefers slowly developing attachments that lead to lasting commitment

  Agape → agapic lover is altruistic → loving without concern for receiving anything in return

  Pragma → pragmatic lover searches for a person with the right traits (job, age, religion)

  Mania → manic lover is obsessive, possessive, jealous & experiences great highs & lows:

  :Attachment styles:

  :Secure → comfortable with emotional intimacy, trusting, committed, satisfied - remains calm when distressed & seeks support from others

  Anxious/Ambivalent → clingy & possessive, partner is unable to provide desired levels of reassurance & intimacy - becomes anxious & fretful when distressed

  Avoidant → dislikes dependency & closeness, withdraws from partner when distressed & becomes hostile:

  Infidelity

  Why do People Cheat?

  Helen Fisher & David Buss

• Males should be promiscuous to increase potential offspring

• Females should be selective to ensure viable offspring

  Eva & Wood

• women more attracted to men perceived as married than single

  Grammar

• ovulating women in long term relationships displayed more flirtatious behaviour than single ovulating women

  Fisher

• human pair bond lasts 4 years - enough time to raise child so it only needs 1 parent

  Neurochemical reasons for cheating

  vasopressin levels higher in in monogamous male voles vs promiscuous prairie voles

  Monogamous females have higher levels of oxytocin in their brains

  Divorce

• Early 20th century - marriage for economic/childbearing not love - divorce only granted when one partner sued the other for “matrimonial offences” of adultery or cruelty

• The Divorce Act of 1968

• – Marriage was entered into for love and companionship – Divorce was allowed for “marriage breakdown” after a separation of 3 years

• The Divorce Act of 1985

• “no fault” divorce granted after a separation of 1 year

  Marriage breakdown - One of the following : – Living separately and apart for at least one year – Adultery by the other spouse – The other spouse has been guilty of cruelty

  separation - must meet these two conditions: – Withdrawal from the matrimonial relationship – The intent of destroying the matrimonial union

  3 phases of divorce

• @@phase 1 awareness@@ - One person recognizes the problems, then initiates the process of separation – Emotional and social withdrawal from the relationship – Energy is shifted to other roles (career, parenting etc

• @@phase 2 separation@@ - Break up of the marital system – Child custody is negotiated – Friends and family must work to accept the divorce

• ^^phase 3 REORGANIZATION^^ – The two individuals set up separate lives (emotional, physical, social and material) – Negotiation process (establish new rules with kids, and a new identity as a single person)