The Nine Circles of Scientific Hell

Overview

• This paper humorously reflects on the consequences scientists face for violating best practices in their field. The structure parallels Dante Alighieri’s "Inferno," where sinners face punishment corresponding to their offenses.

• The Divine Comedy, particularly Inferno, offers a tour through nine circles of Hell, inflicting various torments based on differing sins. This adaptation updates the concept to focus on scientific offenses.

Introduction to the Scientific Inferno

• The text draws a comparison between traditional sins and contemporary scientific misconduct.

• Acknowledges that most scientists are guilty of at least minor offenses, suggesting a universal struggle with ethical practices in research.

• The author emphasizes that even those not directly guilty may bear some responsibility, especially if they enable misconduct through funding practices.

The Nine Circles of Scientific Hell

First Circle: Limbo

• Description: A barren mountain where individuals who ignored scientific sins reside.

• Characteristics:

  • Not a place of active punishment; instead, it invokes a sense of regret.

  • Inhabitants reflect on their indirect complicity in scientific misconduct.

Second Circle: Overselling

• Description: Reserved for individuals who exaggerated the significance of their research to secure funding or enhance the impact of publications.

• Characteristics:

  • Sinners are trapped in sludge, symbolizing their descent into ethical murkiness.

  • They grasp at a single rung labeled "The Way Out—Scientists Crack Problem of Second Circle of Hell."

Third Circle: Post-Hoc Storytelling

• Description: Sinners face random attacks from demons who mislead them about the purpose of their studies.

• Characteristics:

  • Each sinner is hit by arrows, with demons insisting that each shot was intentionally aimed at them.

  • This reflects the common practice of crafting narratives around results after data collection, regardless of the initial research hypothesis.

Fourth Circle: p Value Fishing

• Description: A large, murky lake represents the struggle of those who manipulate statistical tests to achieve a p-value of less than .05.

• Characteristics:

  • Sinners fish for sustenance in boats equipped with various statistical fishing rods (labeled with names like Bayes, Student, Spearman, etc.).

  • Only 1 in 20 fish (representing valid results) is edible, highlighting the inherent risk of misapplying statistical testing.

Fifth Circle: Creative Use of Outliers

• Description: Sinners face the torment of demons plucking hairs from their heads, symbolizing the exclusion of inconvenient data points to strengthen results.

• Characteristics:

  • Each loss is accompanied by a justification of why the sinner is better off without that data point, paralleling the rationalizations often made in scientific practice.

Sixth Circle: Plagiarism

• Description: This circle is notably empty, depicting the severe consequences of academic dishonesty.

• Characteristics:

  • Upon arrival, sinners are swiftly taken to suffer in other circles, indicating the serious nature of this offense.

  • Suggests that the ever-evolving nature of rigorous publication creates ongoing ramifications for guilty parties.

Seventh Circle: Nonpublication of Data

• Description: Sinners are bound to chairs that burn while they face locked desks filled with unwritten articles.

• Characteristics:

  • Freedom is contingent on producing an article that details their plight, relating to the obligation of sharing all data in scientific research.

  • Reflects the unethical practice of withholding findings from the scientific community.

Eighth Circle: Partial Publication of Data

• Description: Sinners are pursued by demons while the environment is filled with misleading reports of successful programs without acknowledging negative side effects.

• Characteristics:

  • Represents the ethical issues stemming from selectively reporting results, often driving false narratives in scientific literature.

  • The randomness of who the demons chase emphasizes the arbitrary nature of biased reporting.

Ninth Circle: Inventing Data

• Description: The worst sinners, alongside Satan, are enveloped in ice, forever imprisoned due to their fraudulent data fabrication.

• Characteristics:

  • A paper falsely claims that water cannot freeze in this Hell’s conditions, illustrating the absurdity and danger of completely fabricated data.

  • The punishment reflects the ultimate breach of scientific integrity, showing that dishonest practices lead to isolation and dishonor.

Conclusion

• These allegorical punishments serve as warnings regarding the integrity and ethics in scientific research.

• The humorous approach provides a thought-provoking commentary on the potential pitfalls of scientific practice.

• The article offers insights into the significance of ethical scrutiny in academic writing and research methodologies.

Related Note

• The content in this paper is adapted from the author’s original blog post published on Neuroskeptic on November 9, 2010, which explored similar themes regarding the integrity in scientific inquiries and practices.

Visual Representation

• Figure 1 illustrates the nine circles of scientific Hell, providing a visual framework for understanding the humorous yet serious consequences of unethical scientific behavior.