POL133 Week 12 - Readings: Patriarchy

Patriarchy: An Invisible Mainframe

Patriarchy is an invisible system that dictates acceptable behavior for both genders.
- Men: strong, independent, unemotional, logical, confident.
- Women: expressive, nurturant, weak, dependent.
This construct normalizes injustices like male violence and female domestic servitude.
While women's status has improved since the 1970s, patriarchy persists.
'Gender equality' became a euphemism, but it doesn't fully explain men's abuse of women.
Professor Bob Pease: Gender inequality cannot capture the nuance of patriarchy.
Nordic countries, despite gender equality, have high rates (around 30%) of intimate partner violence against women.
Australia's rate is 25%, and the European Union average is 22%.

#MeToo Movement and Shifting Paradigms

#MeToo went viral in 2017, exposing sexual harassment as intolerable.
'Normal' gendered behaviors are now scrutinized, and 'patriarchy' is openly discussed.
#MeToo showed some men the reality of patriarchy through women's stories.
David Leser: Men are realizing the everyday fears and injustices women face.
Revolutions, like #MeToo, are unpredictable, but the landscape has changed significantly.
Some men now recognize women's anger as legitimate and are questioning their own behavior.

The Impact on Men

Men have clung to outdated patriarchal masculinity, while women have redefined femininity.
Michael Ian Black: Boys are trapped in a model where manhood is measured by strength and power over others, lacking emotional language.
Feminists argue patriarchy is detrimental to men as well.
Some men resist conversations about toxic masculinity and male privilege.
ACT Liberal politician Mark Parton : Claims straight, employed, white males over 30 are excluded.
This fuels anger and violence in some men, who feel their suffering is ignored.

Defining Patriarchy

To confront violence against women, we must address the system entrapping both sexes.
Domestic abuse stems from men's fear of other men and rejection of 'feminine' traits.
Patriarchy turns power into a zero-sum game, reducing intimacy to competition and threat.
Men are promised power and privilege for obeying masculinity rules, but this system no longer exists, leading to frustration and violence.
Michael Kimmel defines patriarchy as a dual system: men's power over women and some men's power over other men.

Elements of Patriarchy

Allan Johnson breaks down patriarchy into four elements:
- Male-Dominated: Positions of power held predominantly by men.
- Male-Identified: Masculinity is the benchmark for what is good and normal with masculine values as control, strength, competitiveness, logic, decisiveness, rationality, autonomy, self-sufficiency
- Feminine values of cooperation, equality, sharing, empathy, vulnerability, and intuition are underappreciated
- Male-Centered: Focus on the exploits of men and boys in news, movies, and sports.
- Obsession with Control: The capacity to exhibit power and control is the standard by which men are measured.
Exerting power and control exists on a spectrum, from violence to corporate success.
Kay Schubach: Behaviors that make a successful corporate man are inappropriate in the family, creating a climate of fear.
Men pay a price for patriarchal privilege: they must conform to its standards, regulated by fear, control, and violence from other men.

Men's Power Over Other Men

Feminism often equates manhood with power, positioning all men as privileged.
Kimmel: Men reject this view, as they often feel powerless individually.
Patriarchal masculinity is not about feeling powerful, but feeling entitled to power.
Men's violence stems from feeling powerless and ashamed, combined with entitlement to power.
Women also experience humiliation but don't react with violence because they don't feel entitled to power.
Men's rights movements believe men have been robbed and need to reclaim what's theirs.
Incel (involuntarily celibate) communities promote homicidal misogyny, blaming women ('Stacys') for their lack of sex.
Since 2014, self-proclaimed incels have committed mass shootings, targeting women and successful men ('Chads').

The Rules of Masculinity

Men's violence against women is prevalent, but men are also victims and perpetrators of violence against other men.
Men and boys are keenly aware of their position in the pecking order.
Men fear women laughing at them because it signifies emasculation and vulnerability to other men.
Being a girl is seen as the ultimate 'weakness' under patriarchy.
The primary rule of masculinity: 'No sissy stuff.' Men must reject anything remotely feminine.
Kimmel: 'Your masculinity is the relentless repudiation of the feminine.'
Men prove they're not sissies by being a big deal, being a 'sturdy oak' (suppressing emotions), and taking risks.

Misogyny as Cultural Force

Pressure to reject femininity fuels misogyny.
Misogyny is a cultural force that makes both men and women believe women are less competent and suited for caregiving roles.
Allan Johnson: Misogyny is part of patriarchal culture, ingrained from a young age.
Boys are expected to disconnect from their mothers and suppress pain to avoid being seen as weak.
Terrence Real: This leads to the 'normal traumatisation of boys,' disconnecting them from their feelings and sensitivity.
In this model, it's every man for himself.
Rejecting femininity becomes armor to avoid being labeled a sissy.
Tim Winton: Boys are pressured to join the 'Shithead Army' of misogyny, betraying their better natures.

Rejecting Autonomy

Kimmel: Men reject their non-autonomous parts, embodied by women, leading to anger and hate.
Bruce: Men are disappointing themselves by not stepping on a grenade or saving someone
Bruce, a Melbourne man, struggled against masculinity, resorting to violence against his ex-wife.
Bruce: It's painful to be terrified of one's own thoughts and behavior.

The Roots of Violence

Bruce learned to suppress emotions as a child, leading to pent-up sadness.
Bruce: As a teenager, Bruce sought power through computers but later found a taste for violence.
Bruce: He slapped his girlfriend and was angry when she thought he did the horrible thing.
Bruce: He cried when his girlfriend told him she was going to leave him
Bruce stayed in an unhappy marriage for the sake of his children, determined to make it work
Bruce: Bruce doesn't relate to the idea of underlying all domestic abuse is a basic disrespect or contempt for women but it's that he did not know how to properly express his emotions
Bruce used his limited emotional vocabulary and it became a tool to control his environment.
Bruce was in therapy ('team') with therapists since his second marriage and it got stronger every week since

Pornography and Exploitation

Patriarchy trains men to subordinate women, exploiting it erotically.
Capitalism has turned female subordination into a multibillion-dollar pornography industry.
Hardcore porn ('gonzo') has gone mainstream, normalizing extreme and inhumane sex acts.
Porn actor Anthony Hardwood: Modern porn is more aggressive than in the mid-1990s.
Veteran porn actor Nina Hartley recognizes the increase in aggression that she sees on camera in the last 10 years.
Aggression has been the default setting
Dominant porn contains messages about sex, gender, power, and pleasure that are deeply problematic.
Physical and verbal aggression is prevalent, often without reciprocal interaction or negotiated consent.
Choking, a red flag for domestic homicide, is common in hardcore porn.
In a study, 88% of pornographic scenes included physical aggression, with 94% directed at women.
Women are portrayed as liking the aggression.

Pornland and Entitlement

Dines: Modern porn creates a fantasy world where women are turned on by their own degradation.
Male performers are reduced to patriarchal caricatures, entitled to use women.
The average age Australian boys start watching porn is thirteen.
Fundamentally, porn is changing the way people are having sex.
The Children's Commissioner for England reports boys believe they're entitled to sex, and girls feel they must submit.

The Impacts of Pornography

Research is inconclusive on the link between hardcore porn and sexual violence.
Data indicates the exponential increase in severity of sexual violence from rape and sexual assault centres.
Di McLeod reports uncommon sexual injuries are now an everyday occurrence, with a 56% increase in referrals from emergency departments.
It's common for victims to report that abusers are regular consumers of pornography.
The endless wave of misogynistic porn hinders efforts to increase respect for women.

The Double Bind

We say we want men to be compassionate and vulnerable, but do we really want that?
Heterosexual women may not find vulnerability sexy, and we may not accept men into gender conversations.
Women are wary of male converts who don't do the internal work.
bell hooks: Some feminists are 'anti-male' due to their own trauma.
Not all men are oppressors, and not all women are victims.
We are confused about how we want men to behave.
hooks: Women struggle to feel compassion for male vulnerability, seeing it as an indictment of female failure.
This triggers shame, making it difficult to allow men to be vulnerable.

Patriarchy and Healing

Brené Brown: Men are pressured to be open but met with revulsion if they get too real.
Brown: 'Holy shit! I am the patriarchy!'
Patriarchy is a system we're all raised in.
Women must reject patriarchal norms but are not responsible for fixing abusive men.
Laurie Penny: Men's healing should not come at the price of women's pain.
It's not enough for men to get in touch with their feelings and be vulnerable.
The core of abusers is a sense of radioactive entitlement, prioritizing their feelings over others.
This combines with entitlement to women's bodies and the belief that women should prioritize men's needs.
Male entitlement afflicts most men, often invisibly, making it hard to shift.
Kimmel: The core of patriarchal masculinity is not power, but the feeling of being entitled to power.
Eva Cox: We must address what makes boys feel entitled.

Reforming Abusers

Emotionally sensitive men with entitlement issues create a dystopia.
Men must reckon with their entitlement to reach emotional maturity and end domestic abuse.
Rob Sanasi: Initially, he manipulated therapy to control Deb.
Rob: After Deb refused to quit, Rob became increasingly desperate and threatening to kill himself
Rob then realized that she had nothing to do with it, but his counsellor pushed him to take accountability
Rob grew up around abuse, neglect, and insecurity, leading him to control his environment.

The Process of Change

Rob: he started to develop perspective by not blaming Deb for the abuse and he realized she had nothing to do with it, and that he was deeply insecure and he recognized all the times that he was just fighting Deb.
Rob went into the bedroom and cried for 4 hours realizing that he needed to just deal with his stuff and let her recover
Rob then had to relinquishing his sense of entitlement and that her needs had to come first
Rob's needs had to come last and he had to deny himself
At no stage did the counsellor let Rob use his childhood as an excuse: being accountable came first
Deb: I was very suspicious of Rob's change, or if it was it real or manipulation
Deb: She said Rob stopped focusing on me and started to take the responsibility had nothing to do with Deb
Rob went from someone quite narcissistic, that didn't have empathy, to a person that did.

Success Stories and Systemic Change

Rob started calling people and apologized to them
Now he has men come to them for informal advice when their relationships are falling apart
He tries to tell men to stop the pain that is going to their wives, also your children won't pass that on and go through counselling, and then you get to wake up and be free
Brendan: Jail was the only way he could stop himself because he got 12 years for attempting to murder his wife
Brendan joined a behaviour change program and started to understand why he become abusive
Brendan: Even though he had a good life he should have never taken that first punch
Rodney Vlais: Small amount of men are working harder to towards understanding their privilege and gender power.
If those men can do it, then surely all of us men can do it.

Reframing Prevention

Domestic abuse is a tragedy for victims and perpetrators, who were once tender boys.
Prevention campaigns must model alternatives to patriarchal masculinity.
Symbolic gestures are pointless; shaming may inhibit treatment.
Abusive men use violence to dispel fear and regain power.
Men need to be shown a path to non-violence, which leads to a a more successful life.
Salter: Non-violence is the presence of care, patience, and compassion.
Castng someone out as irrevocably tainted only compounds their shame

Collective Healing

To stop domestic abuse, teach men to respect each other and allow them to live fully embodied, emotional lives.
Women must also allow this to happen.
Men must examine their entitlement.
Men would rather die than they would say a word about their point, those men are victims of patriarchal systems and a record numbers of Australian men committing suicide in 2017 alone.
2348 men killed themselves in 2017 - the highest rate in over a decade.
The need to address the destructive force of make sure it is urgent for and for the children that they're raising