Lecture 8 Communicating Closeness

  • Introduction to Communication and Closeness

    • Communication plays a critical role in developing and sustaining feelings of closeness in various types of relationships.

    • The manner of communication differs depending on the relationship type (e.g., parents, friends, romantic partners).

    • This unit discusses how closeness and support are communicated across a variety of relationships, overlapping with Chapter 7 in the textbook.

  • Types of Closeness in Relationships

    • There are three main types of closeness, each highlighting different aspects:

    1. Physical Closeness

    2. Emotional Closeness

    3. Relational Closeness

  • 1. Physical Closeness

    • Definition: Reflects the amount of proximity and contact between two people.

    • Proximity: Refers to closeness, distance, and use of space.

    • Components of Physical Closeness:

    • Touching

    • Sitting next to each other

    • Spending quality alone time together

    • Sexual interactions

    • Affectionate communication is central to physical closeness.

    • True/False Statement Discussion:

    • Statement: "Affectionate communication is more central to closeness than sex in marital relationships."

    • Conclusion: This statement is true, with differences noted in other relationship types.

    • Example cases include early dating relationships and friends with benefits scenarios where sexual interactions may hold more importance.

  • 2. Emotional Closeness

    • Definition: Reflects sharing and caring, which involves:

    • Shared experiences

    • Trust

    • Enjoyment

    • Concern and caring for one another

    • Self-disclosure: Sharing thoughts, experiences, and feelings; crucial for developing emotional closeness.

    • Research Findings: Close friendships are characterized by the highest levels of self-disclosure and social support compared to romantic partners and parent-child relationships.

    • Close friendships often know individuals better than family or romantic partners due to high levels of self-disclosure.

  • 3. Relational Closeness

    • Definition: Reflects interdependence, where the needs and matters to each person overlap.

    • Expressions of Relational Closeness:

    • Making major life decisions together

    • Becoming emotionally invested in each other and families

    • Influencing each other’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors

    • Behavioral patterns fostering interdependence and care.

    • Interconnectedness can manifest without physical closeness, such as in long-distance relationships relying on mediated channels.

  • Types of Communication for Closeness

    • Communication of closeness generally happens through three types of behaviors:

    1. Affection

    2. Immediacy

    3. Social Support

  • Affection

    • Definition: An internal state of fondness and intense positive feelings toward another living being.

    • Affection is not exclusive to people; pets can also receive affection.

    • Affection is both an emotion reflecting positive feelings and a fundamental relational need.

    • Relationship Maintenance Behavior:

    • Managing the level of affection helps maintain the preferred state or intimacy in relationships.

    • Affection expression may vary depending on the desired closeness level.

    • Examples include choosing to express less affection when not wanting intimacy.

    • Affection Exchange Theory (AET): A theory integrating biological and social factors influencing communication.

    • Derived from evolutionary theory, which explains hereditary traits that favor survival and reproduction.

    • Limitations of Evolutionary Theory:

    1. Assumption of innate differences between men and women leading to stereotypes.

    2. Lack of acknowledgment of cultural or individual differences in behavior and expression of affection.

    • Primary Assumptions of AET:

    1. Procreation and survival are fundamental human goals.

    2. Communication can serve one or both of these goals.

    3. Individuals may not be conscious of the evolutionary goals their behaviors fulfill.

    • Five Propositions of Affection Exchange Theory:

    1. Humans have an innate capacity for affection and a fundamental need for it, which, when unfulfilled, incurs negative consequences.

    2. Affection feelings and expressions can occur independently; one can feel affection without expressing it or express it without true feeling (examples include fear of rejection).

    3. Affectionate communication contributes to survival and reproductive success through relationship development, emotional investment, and signaling viability.

    4. Optimal tolerances for affection vary among individuals, with excessive affection becoming aversive.

    5. Affectionate behaviors can be physiologically counterproductive in inappropriate contexts (examples include unwanted touches triggering discomfort).

    • Definitions and types of affectionate communication:

    • Affectionate Communication: Behaviors conveying feelings of fondness, recognized by both parties.

    • Three-part Model of Affectionate Communication:

      1. Verbal Communication: Spoken/written expressions such as "I love you".

      2. Direct Nonverbal Communication: Non-linguistic behaviors like hugging or holding hands, showing consensual meaning within cultures.

      3. Indirect Nonverbal Communication: Social/material support conveyed through actions like helping or providing assistance.

  • Research on Affectionate Communication

    • Certain relationships (family, romantic) are characterized by more affection promoting survival, trustworthy bonding, and reproductive success.

    • Well-constructed studies (e.g., kissing) show affection’s role in health, stress buffering, and relationship satisfaction.

    • Example: A study found couples who kissed more often had lower cholesterol levels and increased satisfaction.

  • Immediacy

    • Definition: A broader concept than affection; communicates warmth and decreases perceived distance between individuals.

    • Positive involvement behaviors include eye contact, smiling, and casual forms of address.

    • Types of Immediacy:

    • Verbal Immediacy: Word choice reflecting interdependence, forms of address, and relational indicators.

    • Nonverbal Immediacy: Communication through space, touch, and eye behaviors promoting closeness.

  • Supportive Communication

    • Definition: Verbal/non-verbal behaviors signifying availability for assistance to perceived needs.

    • Categories of Supportive Communication:

    1. Emotional Support: Demonstrating empathy and care.

    2. Esteem Support: Affirming the person’s worth and capabilities.

    3. Informational Support: Providing advice and relevant information to assist.

    4. Tangible Aid: Offering physical help or resources.

    5. Network Support: Referring to others or groups for additional assistance.

    • Dark Side of Supportive Communication:

    • Can backfire by threatening the receiver's face, causing feelings of judgment, or giving poor advice.

    • Invisible Support: Effective support that goes unnoticed, preserving the recipient’s autonomy and preventing feelings of dependency.

    • Person-Centered Messages: The quality of supportive communication measured by responsiveness and understanding.

      • Three levels of person-centered messages:

      1. Highly Person-Centered Message: Validates feelings and allows for exploration.

      2. Moderately Person-Centered Message: Gives unsolicited advice but lacks depth.

      3. Low Person-Centered Message: Minimizes or denies the importance of the receiver's experience.

  • Conclusion

    • This unit covered how to communicate closeness through affection, immediacy, and supportive communication across relationships.

    • Further exploration of love and attachment to follow in next discussions.

  • Additional Resources:

    • Suggestions offered for further research and departmental connections for deeper understanding of supportive communication.