paper 1 feedback

Introduction to Writing in Healthcare

• Writing is a critical component of many jobs in the healthcare field.

• It might be valuable to clarify a specific role within healthcare that interests you. If not, general statements about the healthcare field are acceptable.

Paper Structure and Style

• Consider condensing the first two sentences of your introduction to streamline the message.

• When discussing overall writing responsibilities, avoid multiple sentences that separate general workplace expectations from those specific to healthcare.

• Structure your introduction clearly to emphasize the link between writing skills and your prospective healthcare job.

Connecting Sentences

• Ensure continuity in your sentences. For example, instead of creating a new sentence after a thought, keep it flowing.

  • Example: "I did not believe that there was much writing involved in healthcare..."

    • Suggested revision: "I did not believe that there was much writing involved in the healthcare field, other than filling out charts."

• Avoid starting sentences with "within"; using alternatives such as "from" or "through" can provide clarity.

Clarification of Terms

• Be cautious with word usage; ensure you’re using terms like "implemented" correctly, as opposed to a simpler term like "implied".

Sources and Citations

• When referencing someone in your paper, provide context about their background to establish credibility.

• Ensure clarity in citations and grammatical correctness for reported speech:

  • Adjust formatting for in-text citations; typically, only the last name is necessary.

Grammar and Punctuation

• Commas are essential for proper sentence structure and can help clarify complex thoughts.

• For example, replace periods with commas when continuing a sentence with additional information.

  • Suggested edit: "Depending on what you’re trying to do, Amanda stated that..."

Use of Abbreviations

• Switch from using "i.e." to "e.g." when giving examples.

• "i.e." implies a specific example, whereas "e.g." introduces one or more possibilities.

  • Example: "e.g., a treatment or doctor capable of performing surgery".

Consistency and Clarity

• Maintain consistency when referring to subjects; avoid switching between names and pronouns unless necessary.

• Consider using phrases such as "she" if repetitive references become cumbersome.

Conclusion Elements

• Your conclusion could benefit from a reflection on how writing skills will be applied in your healthcare practice.

• Consider naming specific skills relevant to writing that you can practice in your further studies.

  • Such skills might include learning to write concisely, understanding the vocabulary of healthcare, or adapting writing to different audiences.

Final Thoughts

• Review your paper for inadvertent use of terms that might confuse the reader, such as "etcetera."

  • Aim to provide specific instances rather than leaving it vague.

• Connect the skills and knowledge you've gained through the paper to their practical application in your career.