Essay 2 Writing Workshop Notes

Essay Prompt and Structure

• Prompt: Describe your career choice.
• Structure: Five paragraphs total
  • Introductory paragraph
  • Three supporting paragraphs (each covering a career choice)
  • Conclusion
• Why this structure matters: Provides a clear thesis and organized support for multiple career paths within one cohesive narrative.

Instructor's Suggested Thesis and How to Build It

• Example thesis from the transcript: "I chose to major in some type of engineering because I have numerous career choices."
• Then present three supporting points, each in its own paragraph, detailing a separate career choice.
• Example career ideas mentioned (for expansion):
  • I wanna be a lawyer.
  • I wanna make a lot of money.
  • I wanna help people.
  • I wanna run for political office one day.
• Practical takeaway: Start from a simple thesis and anchor each body paragraph to one specific career path.
• Note on feedback: This prompt invites personal reflection but requires clear thesis and distinct, well-supported paragraphs.

Feedback Focus Areas in the Session

• Major focus areas when grading/assessing essays:
  • Formatting
  • Thesis statement clarity
  • Organization (five-paragraph structure)
  • Grammar (spelling, punctuation, sentence structure)
• Observed student performance notes:
  • Some essays lacked a discernible thesis (problematic for grading).
  • Strong essays could still suffer from formatting and organizational issues.
  • One essay was strong enough to approach an 8 on the rubric, but overall formatting remained a weakness.
• Practical consequence: Even strong ideas can be downgraded by poor formatting and structure.

Writing Support Resources Mentioned

• Available materials mentioned:
  • Writing support and guides
  • Sample essays (visible under the coursework portal)
• Teaching approach discussed:
  • Use a curriculum to develop writing skills
  • Analyze both positive and negative examples by anonymizing authors (e.g., 8AM student, 10AM student)
• File submission preferences:
  • Prefer Word documents (two documents mentioned) to facilitate instructor feedback.
• Plan for Friday:
  • Three essays to review; aim to unify approach and provide concrete feedback.
• Realistic goal: Develop writing skills through practice, critique, and a structured revision process.

Title Page and Formatting Observations

• Title page elements discussed:
  • Title page should include course number and title (e.g., English 11: Written English I) in a standard format (APA-like convention).
  • Examples referenced: "Fairmont State University" and department notes were discussed but not critical to the assignment itself.
• Formatting fixes recommended:
  • Remove unnecessary extra spaces on title page and throughout the document.
  • Page numbering should be correct and consistently placed (commonly top right). Avoid placing page numbers or headings on the last page unless required.
  • Do not repeat headings at the end of the paper; keep headings to the main body as appropriate.
  • Use proper spacing (avoid double-spacing errors where they disrupt readability).
  • Ensure the heading appears at the start of the paper, not on subsequent pages.
• In short: Clean, consistent formatting is essential for readability and fair evaluation.

Paragraph-Level Feedback and Revisions (Illustrative Examples)

• Paragraph 1 (introductory context):
  • Original issue: "Midland Trail High School was a small school" is awkward and ambiguous.
  • Suggested rewrite: "I attended Midland Trail High School, a small school located in Southern West Virginia."
  • Rationale: Clear context and present-tense framing improve reader understanding.
• First-person usage:
  • Guidance: First person is generally acceptable for personal writing about one’s life; some instructors may have restrictions, but personal narratives usually fit best in this context.
  • Note: Use voice that feels natural while maintaining appropriate formality.
• Word choice and precision:
  • Avoid saying "a lot" as a quantitative descriptor; treat it as a qualitative phrase and prefer specific details (e.g., dates, events, or numbers).
  • Example issue: "A lot was going on in my life during my junior and senior year of high school." → consider more concrete specifics or rephrase for clarity.
• Paragraph 2 (transition and content):
  • The sentence about college expectations: "I knew if I went to college after I graduate, I didn't want that to happen again" needs clarity and a smoother transition.
  • Thesis linkage: Ensure the paragraph clearly connects to the overarching thesis.
• Paragraph 3 (details about distance and independence):
  • Comment on abbreviations: Spell out WV as "West Virginia" to avoid ambiguity.
  • Location and logistics details are acceptable (e.g., distance from home, on-campus living, weekend visits).
  • Example rephrase: explicitly connect residence and independence to the thesis about choosing this school.
• Paragraph 4 (conventions and stylistic concerns):
  • Word choice: Prefer "First" over "Firstly"; avoid awkward phrasing.
  • Clarity: Ensure full phrases are complete sentences (e.g., clarify what is meant by a sentence that appears incomplete).
• Paragraph 5 (Conclusion):
  • Current issue: Conclusion lines like "I'm at Fairmont because it's my decision, and it's an opportunity for a fresh start and to grow" feel vague.
  • Revision goal: Reword to emphasize independence and personal growth more clearly (e.g., "Attending Fairmont State University supports my decision to pursue my own path and develop independence").
• General observations on this sample:
  • The strongest part often included a well-formed, specific sentence; the weakest parts were formatting, spacing, and minor grammar issues.

Specific Formatting and Style Corrections to Implement

• Spacing and indentation:
  • Remove extra spaces between sections; ensure consistent paragraph breaks.
  • Do not leave stray blank lines that create unnecessary space.
  • Use standard indentation for new paragraphs.
• Title page and header:
  • Include course number and course title in the title page header if required by the format
  • Ensure the page heading only appears on the first page unless instructed otherwise.
• Page numbers:
  • Position page numbers consistently (e.g., top-right corner).
• Section headings:
  • Do not place a heading or label that misplaces on the last page; keep headings to the body as appropriate.
• Language and style:
  • Prefer concise, specific sentences over vague phrases.
  • Avoid repetitive or informal phrases like "a lot"; replace with precise details.
  • Maintain a natural yet appropriate level of formality for a college essay.
• Evidence and examples:
  • When referencing facts (e.g., travel distance to school), provide specific numbers (e.g., "about two and a half hours away").
• Abbreviations and nomenclature:
  • Spell out state names (e.g., "West Virginia") and institutional names when first used; use abbreviated forms only after first use if appropriate.
• Thesis and structure alignment:
  • Ensure the thesis statement clearly anchors the essay and that each body paragraph ties back to one of the three career-choice points.
• Overall quality assessment:
  • Expect a solid B when content ideas are good but formatting and presentation require improvement.

Practical Next Steps and Action Items

• For students:
  • Prepare three potential career-choice paragraphs that could each stand as a distinct body paragraph.
  • Draft a clear five-paragraph essay with an explicit thesis.
  • Create a clean title page following course formatting guidelines and verify page numbering and spacing.
  • Use the provided sample essays as positive/negative benchmarks to critique formatting as well as content.
• For instructors and tutors:
  • Provide a revised checklist for future submissions.
  • Offer targeted feedback on format, thesis clarity, and organization in addition to grammar.
  • Use Word documents to streamline feedback and revision tracking.
• Resources and follow-up:
  • Review the Writing Support and Guides section for sample essays.
  • Discuss a mini-curriculum to build writing skills, focusing on presenting ideas clearly, structuring arguments, and polishing mechanics.

Quick References from the Transcript

• Essay prompt and structure: describe career choice; five-paragraph format.
• Thesis model: "I chose to major in some type of engineering because I have numerous career choices."
• Career path ideas mentioned: lawyer; money; helping people; political office.
• Common issues identified: formatting as a major challenge; lack of discernible thesis; spacing problems; grammar/ punctuation; sentence structure; use of first person; overuse of vague phrases like "a lot".
• Specific rewrite example: changing "Midland Trail High School was a small school" to "I attended Midland Trail High School, a small school located in Southern West Virginia."
• Stylistic tips: prefer First over Firstly; spell out state names; specify locations and distances; avoid ambiguous pronouns; maintain consistency in naming institutions (e.g., Fairmont State University vs. Fairmont).
• Process ideas: critique anonymized sample essays; discuss strengths and weaknesses; use a corrective checklist; plan feedback for the next session.

Summary Takeaway

• A strong five-paragraph essay on career choice hinges on a clear, explicit thesis and three well-developed supporting paragraphs each tied to a specific career path.
• The most common student weaknesses are formatting and structural issues rather than ideas themselves.
• Practical improvements focus on precise language, consistent formatting, correct use of names, and better paragraph transitions.
• A structured revision plan and available writing resources empower students to turn tentative ideas into well-organized, polished essays.