Chapter 7 - Liking and Loving

What is Love?

Faces - babies love faces
- Pretty faces > other faces —> society finds them attractive
Appearance qualities
- symmetry
- good skin
- good teeth
- hygiene
Physical attractiveness
- healthier
- happier
  - unrelated to self-esteem
- more sensitive
- successful

Super beautiful people are skeptical of merit-based compliments
beautiful = good bias
- pretty = good person
friends —> lovers : looks matter less

Women	Straight Men
91% get cosmetic surgery	No biological clock
Recall appearance better	Look for partner to have signs of peak fertility (smooth skin, small waist and hips ⅓ ratio)
Look for providers to care for themselves and their fetus - sustainable partner = > viability of fetus	Teen boys - older women Mid 20s - same age Old men - younger women (significantly)
Providers have great physicality and wealth	Varies across cultures

Beautiful = good stereotype
- attractive people are more competent/positive characteristics
Other qualities
- kindness
- humor
- dependabilty
- sociability
- intelligence
Proximity
- (mere exposure effect)
- babies love faces that look like their primary caretaker (mom)
  - own race
    - ex: tuxedo penguins get used to a white penguin after a while, and accept it into their group
  - music taste
  - letter in name

Younger girls

Older women

Like more feminine men

Young faces/appeal to age group

Like more masculine men

beards/appeal to age group

Online dating
- 67% - Gen Z on dating apps support trans rights
  - 71% women
  - 98% non binary
  - 51% men

White	Asian	Black	Latino
Everyone prefers white men Likes asian women Preference for own race 4% date men/women from own race 2x as likely to date (women/men)	Likes asian women Likes latinas	Likes asian women Date their own race Women stereotyped as overtly sexual/lazy Women = less DM’s	Likes Asian women Encouraged to date white

Similarity
- common interests
- beliefs
- attitude
- age
- religion
- race
- education
- IQ
- economic status

Passionate love	Companionate love
Initial Physical arousal → intense absorption	Deep affection/attachment connectedness

KEY CONDITIONS

equity - equal investment (input/output) between partners
self-disclosure - willingness to be vulnerable/intimate to others
Positive support - How couples communicate/support each other
Commitment - How to collaborate/maintain relationships

Love triangles
- Triangle model of love —> Robert Sternberg
  - intimacy, commitment, passion
    - all 3: consumnate love

Communal relationships

Exchange relationships

Suspend the need for equity
Supports each others needs
Happier
Overjustification effect

Receiving an award for doing something we enjoy lessens our intrinsic motivation/enjoyment to do such activities

Common in the beginning
Keep track of contributions
Could lead to conflicts
Red flags

Sunk-cost bias
- Invest time, emotional energy, and effort into a relationship
  - WHEN IT DOESNT WORK OUT
    - ex: I’ve been with them so long, but we cant break up because I could have wasted all these years!

Close relationships - loving, caring, commitment, intimacy
- happy/healthy
- higher self-efficacy and self-esteem
- positive mood
Liking/loving - interpersonal attraction
- physical attractiveness —> initial
- younger/more familiar faces/interests are the most attractive
  - average
- cultural/social factors

Attachment styles
- *shift in adulthood*
- secure - thrive on emotional intimacy
  - comfort/strength
  - confidence
  - self-worth
  - accepts support
- insecure
  - anxious
    - distant
    - unemotional
    - avoids closeness
  - avoidant
    - clingy
    - highly emotional
    - reassurance
  - disorganized
    - intense
    - push-pull
    - unpredictable