Notes on the First Biden-Trump Presidential Debate

The debate between President Joseph Robinette Biden and former President Donald Robinette Trump was heavily anticipated by news networks.
News anchors extensively covered the countdown to the event, with reporters stating the time remaining: "a little over one month away," "less than two weeks away," "just one week from today," "three days and counting," "two days now," "30 hours," "just over 24 hours," and "12.5 hours." The phrase "It's debate day in America" was used to emphasize the excitement.
This intense media buildup was humorously exaggerated, imagining President Biden joyfully discovering it was "debate day" and still having time to prepare.

Demonstrate political stability: Trump needed to assure the public he wouldn't "end democracy."
Maintain composure: Advised not to respond aggressively, interrupt Joe Biden, or take the bait. He should avoid actions that "suburban mothers wouldn't like."
Portray normalcy: Newscasters suggested he "Don't look like a bully. Don't get angry. Portray normalness. Can't you just pretend to be normal for 90 minutes?"
Humorous comparison: Stewart likened this advice to a parent's plea when meeting a new date for the first time: "Can you not talk about January 6th? And please don't do your Asian voice!"

Avoid "senior moments": Crucially, he could not have any physical or verbal stumbles, forgetfulness, or "freezing moments."
Maintain engagement: He needed to "Stay alert, stay engaged, and stay awake."
Physical endurance: He had to show he could "stand there for an extended period of time. Remain upright."
Humorous comparison: Stewart quipped that these qualifications were akin to those needed to be a "Scarecrow" and that the President must "keep our corn safe."

Initial observation: Both candidates were ambulatory and upright, humorously declaring "Level one cleared."
Debate rules: Each candidate had 2 minutes to answer a question, and 1 minute each for responses and rebuttals.
Critique of rules: Stewart criticized the limited time, noting that "An ad break to watch a Hulu show is three minutes," questioning what substantive impact could be made in 2 minutes. He concluded these rules would likely "winnow out anything that might be interesting or substantive."

Opening statement on Medicare: Biden's response to an early question was muddled, stating, "Making sure that we're able to make every single solitary person eligible for what I've been able to do with the, uh— with— with— with the COVID— excuse me, with, um, dealing with everything we have to do with, uh— look, if we finally beat Medicare." The moderator quickly interjected, "Thank you, President, uh, Biden."
Verbal confusion: Stewart highlighted the confusion between "saving Medicare" and "beating it," humorously suggesting this moment caused widespread dismay among Democrats.
Split-screen appearance: Biden's demeanor when not speaking was characterized as having "resting 25th-Amendment face,"
Abortion and immigration gaffe: While discussing Roe v. Wade (identified as a strong issue for Democrats), Biden abruptly shifted to discussing immigration, referencing a "young woman who just was murdered" by an immigrant. Stewart reacted with disbelief: "Did you just immigration abortion?" and noted the strategic blunder of shifting from a strong issue to a weaker one.
Consequences of the gaffe: Trump immediately capitalized on Biden's misstep, stating, "There have been many young women murdered by the same people he allows to come across our border."

Failure of the "not an asshole" test: Trump launched personal attacks against Biden, stating Biden "doesn't care about our veterans," dislikes the military, and oversaw the "worst administration in history." He even challenged Biden to a golf match, claiming Biden "can't hit a ball 50 yards."
Lack of factual substance: Stewart pointed out that "everything that Donald Trump said in that clip is a lie— blatant and full."
Specific false claims: Trump asserted a "greatest economy in the history of our country," credit for "no wars," and praised his handling of the COVID-19 pandemic. He accused Biden of allowing "millions of people to come in here from prisons, jails, and mental institutions" and creating jobs "only for illegal immigrants." He also claimed "lowest taxes ever" and denied having sex with a porn star (which Stewart sarcastically corrected to "She was a porn character actor at best!").

Brief mention of RFK Jr.: Stewart sarcastically alluded to RFK Jr.'s potential talking points on vaccines, side effects, and unusual claims like "a worm where?"
Discussion on veterans and D-Day: Biden recounted Trump's alleged comment at a World War I cemetery, where Trump supposedly called fallen soldiers "losers and suckers." Biden stated forcefully, "My son was not a loser. He was not a sucker. You're the sucker. You're the loser."
Stewart's clarification: Stewart immediately noted this was "a made-up quote," though humorously adding that in "Trumpland" this might signify a real quote.
Biden's follow-up on veterans: Biden emphasized the nation's "sacred obligation" to care for veterans and their families, highlighting the work of the VA.
Moderator's shift: Despite the intensity of the topic and its importance to Biden, the moderator abruptly moved to "foreign policy."
Critique of debate structure: Stewart expressed frustration with the rules and the moderators' willingness to move on from a substantive discussion, questioning the purpose of such a limited format.

MAGA conspiracy theory: Stewart addressed the pre-debate claims that Biden would be given stimulants like "Adderall, Ritalin" or other drugs for Alzheimer's/Parkinson's, caffeine, or "Debate Viagra" to enhance his performance.
Stewart's personal jest: He humorously apologized for talking fast, claiming to be "on those drugs" himself.
Radical proposal: Stewart concluded that after watching the debate, "both of these men should be using performance-enhancing drugs."
Justification: He argued that if such drugs could improve their lucidity, problem-solving abilities, "truthfulness, morality, and malignant narcissism" (in one candidate's case), they should take them. He rejected the notion that this was like Olympic swimming where doping disqualifies achievements, stating, "This ain't Olympic swimming… Oh, he solved the Middle East, but he was doping, so it doesn't count. There's going to be an asterisk next to his presidency."
Desperation: He ended with a plea for recreational drugs if performance enhancers don't exist, expressing profound disbelief and frustration with the reality of the situation: "This cannot be real life! It just can't! We're America. God!"