Interpersonal Communication Notes

Interpersonal Communication

  • Definition (Devito, 2021): Interpersonal communication is communication that takes place between two people who have a relationship with each other, and they are influenced by each other’s communication messages. It is a personal type of conversation, for example between a mother and her daughter, a teacher and a student, and between a waiter and a customer.

Features of Interpersonal Communication

  • Interpersonal Communication Involves Quality

  • Interpersonal Communication Involves Mutual Influence

  • Interpersonal Communication Helps Manage Relationships

a. Interpersonal Communication Involves Quality

  • The quality of communication differentiates whether the interaction is interpersonal or impersonal.

  • Interpersonal communication occurs when the communicator treats the other person as a unique human being.

  • Impersonal communication occurs when the communicator responds to the other based on their roles, not as a unique person.

  • Examples:

    • With a friend at lunch: we sound more cheerful and share laughter (Interpersonal).

    • With a waiter taking an order: we sound less casual (Impersonal).

b. Interpersonal Communication Involves Mutual Influence

  • Interpersonal communication is characterized by mutual influence: interactors affect each other.

  • A mutual influence is established when people who interact affect one another in some way.

  • Example: If one person says they are not comfortable with a specific restaurant, the other person may agree and suggest another place.

c. Interpersonal Communication Helps Manage Relationships

  • Communication is the key to developing intimacy and sustaining relationships.

  • Knowing how to interpersonally communicate helps communicators sustain their relationships over time.

Principles of Interpersonal Communication

  • a. Interpersonal communication involves ethical choices

  • b. Metacommunication affects meaning

  • c. Interpersonal communication effectiveness can be learned

a. Interpersonal Communication Involves Ethical Choices

  • Every interaction has ethical consequences because it is irreversible.

  • Utterances do affect other people’s feelings, emotions, and perceptions.

  • Example: In assignments, should we avoid giving negative feedback because it could hurt others’ feelings even if it might improve the quality of the work?

b. Metacommunication Affects Meaning

  • Metacommunication means communication about communication—a secondary layer of communication that reflects your intent and either reinforces or contradicts your verbal message through nonverbal cues.

  • Example: If someone says, "I’m fine," but their tone is flat, arms are crossed, and there is a sigh, the nonverbal cues (metacommunication) suggest they are not actually fine, despite the words.

  • Benefits:

    • Helps understand a hidden message within conversations.

    • Helps strengthen relationships as communicators can communicate about their interaction.

c. Interpersonal Communication Effectiveness Can Be Learned

  • Contrary to the belief that we are born to excel in interpersonal communication, it can be learned with time.

Managing Conflicts in Relationships

  • a. Definition of Conflict

  • b. Orientation to Conflict

  • c. Responses to Conflict

a. Definition of Conflict

  • Interpersonal conflict exists when there is expressed tension between people who are interdependent, perceive they have incompatible goals, and feel a need to resolve those differences (Wilmot & Hocker, 2006).

  • Expressed tension: expressed disagreement, struggle, or anger.

  • Interdependence: people who are interdependent with one another at the time of conflict, such as family members and close friends.

b. Orientations to Conflict

  • Lose-Lose

  • Win-Lose

  • Win-Win

Lose-Lose

  • The conflict ends with losses for everyone; unhealthy and disruptive.

  • Example: Two coworkers, Sara and Ali, are vying for a promotion. They spread rumors and undermine each other to improve their chances, resulting in neither getting the promotion; the employer hires someone external instead.

  • Another longer campus example: Roommate conflict over shared responsibilities (cleaning, noise, expenses). Neither student compromises or communicates effectively. Outcomes include ongoing stress, discomfort, and negative impact on well-being and academics for both.

Win-Lose

  • One person wins while the other loses in the conflict; cultivated in cultures that promote individualism.

  • Example: Spouses argue over who should give up their job to care for their children. The person who loses may feel resentful.

Win-Win

  • Reflects a way to resolve conflict while ensuring that everyone benefits.

  • Example: A company hires individuals with disabilities and provides necessary accommodations. Employees gain meaningful jobs and financial independence; the company benefits from a diverse and dedicated workforce and gains industry recognition.

  • Campus example: Study partnership for final exams. Both students benefit academically and emotionally through collaboration, clear explanations, and shared resources, leading to deeper understanding and reduced anxiety.

Responses to Conflict

  • Destructive vs Constructive responses (Figure 9.1)

  • The Exit Response

  • The Neglect Response

  • The Voice Response

  • The Loyalty Response

The Exit Response

  • To physically walk out or psychologically withdraw from the conflict.

  • Examples: divorce; giving a silent response and refusing to talk about the issue (not responding to an email).

  • Associations:

    • Lose-Lose: seeing no point to argue as no one gains a win.

    • Win-Lose: the losing party may express exit response if they feel they are losing the argument.

The Neglect Response

  • To deny or minimize problems, anger, and tension to avoid further conflicts.

  • Examples: saying, "We don’t really disagree"; one coworker ignores the issue and continues working separately.

  • Characteristics: highly destructive and does not resolve conflicts.

  • Associations: Lose-Lose and Win-Lose orientations, sharing the same reasons as the exit response.

The Voice Response

  • Communicators address conflict directly and attempt to resolve it.

  • Highly constructive and shows care for maintaining the relationship.

  • Examples: After a misunderstanding, Emma reaches out to apologize and express the desire to resolve the issue.

  • Association: Win-Win orientation.

The Loyalty Response

  • Involves staying committed to a relationship despite differences.

  • A silent allegiance that does not actively address conflicts, hence a passive response.

  • Examples: A sibling routinely borrows money without repaying; a family member may excuse this behavior with, "That’s just how they are" to avoid upsetting family dynamics.

  • Loyalty may be constructive, at least in the short term.

  • This response often springs from lose-lose situations.

Summary of Connections and Implications

  • Ethical considerations in everyday feedback and critique affect relationships and outcomes.

  • Metacommunication clarifies or contradicts spoken messages and can prevent misunderstandings.

  • Learning interpersonal skills yields better relationship management, conflict resolution, and collaboration.

  • Understanding conflict orientations helps anticipate outcomes and choose more effective strategies (aiming for Win-Win when possible).

  • Recognizing constructive versus destructive responses to conflict can guide actions that preserve relationships while addressing issues.

Practical Takeaways

  • When communicating, treat others as unique individuals (quality).

  • Be mindful of what your nonverbal cues convey (metacommunication).

  • Expect conflicts to arise; choose strategies that seek mutual benefit when possible.

  • Use voice to address issues directly and maintain relationships; avoid pure exit or neglect unless necessary for safety or well-being.

Real-World Relevance and Ethical Considerations

  • Effective interpersonal skills are essential in personal relationships, education, and the workplace.

  • Ethical choices in feedback and communication influence trust, respect, and long-term collaboration.

  • Metacommunication helps reveal hidden assumptions and prevents misinterpretation.

  • Conflict management skills support healthier, more productive environments and can reduce stress and negative outcomes for stakeholders.

Key Terms to Remember

  • Interpersonal communication

  • Quality (in interaction)

  • Mutual influence

  • Relationship management

  • Metacommunication

  • Ethical choices in communication

  • Expressed tension

  • Interdependence

  • Lose-Lose, Win-Lose, Win-Win orientations

  • Exit, Neglect, Voice, Loyalty responses

  • Destructive vs Constructive conflict responses