Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management Study Notes
Chapter Overview and Objectives
Core Theme: Interpersonal conflict management is essential to all forms of interpersonal interaction. Talk is always preferable to force.
Chapter Topics: * Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict. * Principles of Interpersonal Conflict. * Conflict Management Strategies.
Learning Objectives: * 9.1: Define interpersonal conflict and identify reasons for it. * 9.2: Describe the major principles governing interpersonal conflict. * 9.3: Describe and apply strategies for effective conflict management.
Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict
Definition of Interpersonal Conflict: Disagreement between or among connected individuals (friends, lovers, colleagues, family members) who perceive their goals as incompatible (Cahn & Abigail, ; Folger, Poole, & Stutman, ; Hocker & Wilmot, ).
Specific Criteria for Conflict: * Interdependence: The parties are connected in a significant way; the actions of one person impact or effect the other. * Mutual Awareness of Incompatibility: Both individuals are aware that if one person’s goal is achieved, the other’s goal cannot be. Example: One partner wants to buy a new car while the other wants to pay down the mortgage (assuming limited resources). * Perception of Interference: Individuals perceive each other as obstacles to attaining their goals. Example: One person wants to study, but the roommate wants to party.
The Interdependency Factor: * Greater interdependency leads to a greater number of issues on which conflict can center. * Increased interdependency increases the impact of the conflict and the management interaction on both individuals and the relationship. * Interdependency increases the breadth (number of topics) and depth (level of penetration) of conflict.
Common Myths about Interpersonal Conflict
Myth 1: Conflict is best avoided. Reality: Avoiding conflict prevents differences and disagreements from ever getting resolved. Time does not necessarily solve problems.
Myth 2: Conflict is a sign of a deeply troubled relationship. Reality: Conflict is inevitable and is a sign of disagreement, not necessarily major trouble.
Myth 3: Conflict damages an interpersonal relationship. Reality: When managed appropriately, conflict can actually improve a relationship.
Myth 4: Conflict is destructive because it reveals negative selves. Reality: Conflict can be constructive if approached logically and with consideration.
Myth 5: In any conflict, there must be a winner and a loser. Reality: Conflict doesn't require a loser; both parties can win if goals are managed effectively.
Interpersonal Conflict Issues
Broad Focus Areas: * Goals to be pursued (e.g., choice of college or romantic partners). * Allocation of resources (e.g., money or time). * Decisions to be made (e.g., saving vs. splurging a bonus). * Behaviors considered appropriate or inappropriate (e.g., flirting, drinking, or relationship effort).
Ranked Issues for Gay, Lesbian, and Heterosexual Couples (Kurdek, ): * Intimacy issues: Affection and sex. * Power issues: Excessive demands, possessiveness, lack of equality, friends, and leisure time. * Personal flaws issues: Drinking, smoking, grooming, and driving style. * Personal distance issues: Frequent absence and heavy school or job commitments. * Social issues: Politics, social policies, parents, and personal values. * Distrust issues: Previous lovers and lying.
eHarmony.com Couple Conflicts: Free time, money, household responsibilities, politics, sex, children and pets, religion, jealousy, and stress.
Social Allergens: Personal habits of a friend or partner that are annoying, unpleasant, or inconsiderate. They begin as mild irritations and become major annoyances over time. * Men’s complaints about women: Silent treatment, bringing up old grievances, being too critical, being stubborn. * Women’s complaints about men: Forgetting important dates (birthdays/anniversaries), not working hard enough, burping/flatulence, looking at other women. * Common examples: Wet towels on floors, uncapped toothpaste, blowing one's nose at the table, commanding rather than asking, nose-picking, toe nail clippings, excessive social media/phone use.
Electronic Communication Conflicts: * Violating rules of Internet courtesy. * Spamming/Spimming: Sending unsolicited or commercial messages. * Trolling: Posting incorrect or outrageous information to upset others for fun. * Ill-timed cell phone calls, calling work just to chat, unfair criticism, or posting unflattering photos.
Workplace Conflict
Negative Impact: Leads to personnel leaving (recruitment/retraining costs), low morale, and decreased efficiency.
Managerial Conflict Sources: Executive responsibility, coordination, organizational objectives, resource allocation, and management styles (Morrill, ).
Psychometrics () Study - Reasons for Conflict: * Personality differences and clashes: percent. * Ineffective leadership: percent. * Lack of openness: percent. * Physical and emotional stress: percent. * Differences in values and clashes: percent.
Principles of Interpersonal Conflict
Conflict Is Inevitable: It is part of every relationship because people are different, have different histories, and different goals.
Conflict Can Have Negative and Positive Effects: * Negative: Leads to increased negative feelings, unfair fighting, energy depletion, and closing off from the partner. Costs increase while rewards decrease, leading to relationship deterioration. * Positive: Forces examination of problems, strengthens relationships if handled productively, and prevents hostilities from festering. It indicates a commitment to the relationship.
Content vs. Relationship Focus: * Content Conflict: Centers on external objects, events, and persons (e.g., movie merits, TV shows, promotions). * Relationship Conflict: Centers on the relationship between individuals (e.g., who is in charge, equality, right to establish rules). Often disguised as content conflict.
Conflict Styles (Thomas & Kilmann, , ; Blake & Mouton, )
Competing (I Win, You Lose): * Great concern for own needs, little for others. * Uses verbal aggression and blaming. * May be appropriate in court or buying a car, but leads to resentment in interpersonal settings.
Avoiding (I Lose, You Lose): * Unconcerned with own or others' needs. * Shrinks from communication, changes topics, or withdraws physically/psychologically. * Allows conflicts to fester and grow.
Accommodating (I Lose, You Win): * Sacrificing own needs for the other person to maintain harmony. * Does not meet own needs, which leads to feelings of unfairness and resentment.
Collaborating (I Win, You Win): * Concerned with both parties' needs. Considered the ideal style. * Requires time, communication, and active listening to attain a situation where both people get something.
Compromising (I Win and Lose, You Win and Lose): * Middle ground with some concern for both. * Involves "meeting halfway" or "horse trading." * Results in peace but involves inevitable dissatisfaction over losses.
Cultural and Gender Influences
Cultural Topics: Cohabitation causes more conflict in the U.S. than in Sweden. Infidelity causes more conflict in the U.S. than in Southern Europe.
Collectivist vs. Individualist: * Collectivist Cultures: Conflicts center on violations of group norms; higher management often makes decisions for the group's benefit; higher value on saving face. * Individualist Cultures: Conflicts arise from individual norm violations; there is greater tolerance for conflict and win-lose mentalities.
Cultural Perception of Conflict: Japanese people often view resolution as compromise; Americans often view it as winning (Gelfand et al., ).
Gender and Strategies: * African American females may use more direct, controlling strategies than white females. * Both African American and white men tend to avoid or withdraw from relationship conflict (Ting-Toomey, ).