chapter seven

relationship of circumstance

• born out of a situation. you decided to do something and now you have a relationship with this person

  • people you work with

  • your family (unless you’re adopted)

relationship of choice

• where we make a concious effort to have a relationship with the person.

• relationship of circumstance can develop into a relationship of choice

attraction - why do we like who we like?

• attraction

  • physically

  • sexually

• similar

• proximity

• complementary

uncertainty reduction

• trying to learn more about the situation.

• trying to learn who someone is- their name, where they’re from, etc.

• three strategies

  • passive

    • don’t get too involved in the situation. observe.

    • look for immediacy, arousal, etc.

  • active

    • ask around. perception checking.

  • interactive

    • actually speak to the person yourself.

    • asking a question

      • should be about them

      • question to be open ended

    • you have to actively listen!

    • and you ask a follow up question!

      • which is open ended and about them!

    • you can also compliment someone.

self-disclosure

• if not done correctly, it can be TMI.

• used correctly, a great tool for deepening a connection with someone.

• when we tell people something about ourselves that they would not know unless we told them.

  • usually goes hand in hand with how long you know someone.

  • establishes trust.