Matika trust

And I just wonder… What's wrong with me? Is it that I'm not beautiful and funny enough? Everyone moves on. But I'm just stuck in my past. Always drowning in my bad memories, wishing I could fix what have happened. I hate my self. But I hate u too. For the memories u put in my mind and than just…disappeared. For the times u made me laugh so hard I thought I will piss myself. I forgave u. What else do I want? Why ur still stuck in my mind? Was I really that bad friend and lover? U know… u still haunt me. Everytime my brain isn't busy I see ur face. Everytime I put down my headphones I hear ur voice and laugh. What do u want from me. I don't even know if ur still alive. I don't know if I'm staring sadly at the sunset like an idiot. Maybe not. Perhaps ur really dead. 6 feet under and I don't even know u died. I don't even know where ur grave is or what's written on it. Could u pls forgive me? That Im the main reason it didnt worked out? Please? Maybe it didn work because I will always hate myself more than I can love anyone. Always and forever.