Friendship and Love

CENGAGE Learning in the 21st Century: Psychology Adjustment Applied to Modern Life - Chapter 9: Friendship and Love

Learning Objectives for Relationship Development

• Describe typical characteristics of close relationships, and explain the paradox of close relationships.

• Discuss roles of proximity, familiarity, and physical attractiveness in initial attraction.

• Explain what is known about aspects of physical attractiveness, the matching hypothesis, and attractiveness as a resource.

• Understand the roles of reciprocity and similarity in getting acquainted.

• Outline some commonly used relationship maintenance strategies.

• Summarize interdependence theory, and explain how rewards, costs, and investments influence relationship satisfaction and commitment.

Characteristics of Close Relationships

• Close Relationships are defined as "those that are important, interdependent, and long lasting."

• Forms of close relationships include:

  • Family relationships

  • Friendships

  • Work relationships

  • Romantic relationships

  • Marriage

Emotional Dynamics of Close Relationships

• Feelings Aroused in close relationships:

  • Intense positive feelings such as passion, concern, caring.

  • Intense negative feelings such as rage, jealousy, despair.

• This duality of emotions is referred to as the paradox of close relationships.

Initial Encounters and Attraction Factors

• Three Factors Underlying Initial Attraction:

  1. Proximity - The tendency to form relationships with people who are geographically or spatially close.

  2. Familiarity - Refers to the mere exposure effect, which states that positive feelings toward a person increase with the frequency of seeing them.

  3. Physical Attractiveness -

     • Plays a significant role in face-to-face romantic relationships and friendships.

     • However, cross-cultural studies indicate it is not the most crucial factor, as kindness, humor, and intelligence are ranked higher by both genders.

Aspects of Physical Attractiveness

• Attractive Features:

  • Facial Features:

  • Women with a combination of "baby-faced" and "mature" features (large eyes, small nose, prominent cheekbones).

  • Men with strong jawlines and broad foreheads.

  • Physique:

  • Emphasis on thinness for women, while men tend to desire a combination of thinness and muscularity, especially with age.

  • Grooming: Cosmetic enhancements are considered desirable.

Matching Hypothesis and Resource Exchange

• Matching Hypothesis: "Proposes that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate toward each other."

• Resource Exchange Theory: An evolution-based theory that suggests in heterosexual dating, males "trade" occupational status for physical attractiveness in females.

  • Parental Investment Theory (David Buss, 1988): Believes mating patterns depend on what each sex can invest for survival.

  • Men prioritize reproductive opportunities, showing more interest in sex and physical attractiveness.

  • Women seek mates capable of providing resources needed for long-term offspring support.

Getting Acquainted in Relationships

• Two Factors Affecting Relationship Viability:

  1. Reciprocal Liking: Refers to "liking those who show that they like you."

  2. Similarity: Being drawn towards others with similar qualities,

     • This is prevalent in both friendships and romantic relationships, irrespective of sexual orientation.

     • Shared attitudes play a significant role.

Relationship Maintenance Strategies

• Maintenance Defined: "The actions and activities used to sustain the desired quality of a relationship."

• Common strategies:

  • Positivity: Acting nice and cheerful.

  • Openness: Encouraging disclosure of thoughts and feelings.

  • Assurances: Stressing commitment to the partner.

  • Social Networking: Engaging with each other's friends and family.

  • Task Sharing: Equally helping with necessary tasks.

  • Joint Activities: Spending time together.

  • Mediated Communication: Using online tools to keep in touch.

  • Avoidance of Antisocial Behaviors: Being respectful of privacy and autonomy.

Factors Influencing Relationship Satisfaction and Commitment

• Interdependence Theory: Suggests that decisions about relationships are based on a cost-benefit analysis. Individuals remain in relationships where rewards exceed costs.

• Factors Influencing Commitment:

  • Satisfaction: Determined by one's comparison level, which is the personal standard for evaluating the relationship.

  • Investments: Refers to contributions to the relationship that are irreplaceable if the relationship ends.

  • A higher investment strengthens commitment to the relationship.

Commitment Model

• $ext{Outcome} = ext{Rewards} - ext{Costs}$

  • $ext{Satisfaction} = ext{Comparison level}$

  • $ext{Commitment} = ext{Satisfaction} + ext{Comparison level for alternatives} + ext{Investments}$

Learning Objectives for Friendship

• Summarize research on what makes a good friend.

• Describe key gender and sexual orientation differences in friendships.

• Explain the friendship repair ritual as a strategy for resolving conflicts in friendships.

Characteristics of Good Friends

• Good friends offer important emotional and social support.

• Gender Differences in Friendships:

  • Women's friendships are: symmetrical, reciprocal, and emotionally-based.

  • Men's friendships are: higher in agency and focused on shared interests and activities.

Gender and Sexual Orientation in Friendships

• The dynamics between friendship and love relationships can be more complex in gay relationships.

• Lesbians and gay men are likely to maintain social contact with former sex partners.

• The social networks of gay and lesbian individuals tend to be smaller and less supported by families and wider society.

Conflict in Friendships

• Three Steps of Repair After a Conflict:

  1. Reproach: The offended individual confronts the other and asks for an explanation.

  2. Remedy: The offender acknowledges responsibility and offers an apology.

  3. Acknowledgement: The offended individual accepts the apology, allowing the friendship to continue.

Romantic Love - Learning Objectives

• Identify gender differences regarding love and relationship dynamics.

• Compare Sternberg’s triangular theory of love with attachment style theories.

• Discuss the evolution of romantic love over time and relationship dissolution.

• Examine reasons for relationship failure and strategies for relational durability.

Understanding Romantic Love

• Sexual Orientation: Defined as a person’s preference for emotional and sexual relationships with individuals of the same gender, opposite gender, or both.

• Bias in Research: Many studies suffer from heterosexism, the assumption that all individuals are heterosexual. Research on homosexual relationships indicates they share similarities with heterosexual relationships.

Theories of Love

• Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love: Love is comprised of three essential components:

  • Intimacy: The warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship.

  • Passion: Intense feelings, both positive and negative, including sexual desire.

  • Commitment: The intentional decision to maintain a relationship despite challenges.

• Types of Love: Various relationships emerge based on the presence and absence of the three components, with consummate love presenting all three.

Romantic Love as Attachment

• Attachment Patterns (Hazen and Shaver, 1987):

  • Secure adults (55%)

  • Avoidant adults (25%)

  • Anxious-ambivalent adults (20%)

• Brennan, Clark, and Shaver’s Model: Focuses on two dimensions:

  • Attachment Anxiety: Worry about a partner's availability.

  • Attachment Avoidant: Distrust in a partner's intentions and a tendency to maintain distance.

  • This yields four adult attachment styles.

Attachment Styles and Relationship Quality

• Correlates: Secure attachment is linked with more committed, satisfying, and interdependent relationships, as well as better mental health outcomes.

• Stability of Attachment Styles: Moderate stability is noted in longitudinal studies, but life events can alter these styles significantly.

The Course of Romantic Love Over Time

• Sternberg’s Prediction:

  • Passion peaks early, then diminishes.

  • Intimacy and commitment usually increase over time.

• Reasons Relationships End:

  • Premature commitment, ineffective communication skills, boredom, availability of alternative relationships, and low satisfaction levels.

• Dissolution Process: Breakups occur in stages, influenced by individual differences.

Strategies for Lasting Relationships

• Take time to know the other person before a long-term commitment.

• Emphasize positive qualities during conflict.

• Develop effective conflict management skills.

• Introduce novelty into long-term relationships to maintain interest.

The Internet and Relationships - Learning Objectives

• Discuss differences in online versus face-to-face interactions.

• Describe pros and cons of online intimacy.

• Evaluate the Internet’s role in direct interpersonal interactions.

Online Relationship Development

• The Internet facilitates relationships for individuals who may struggle with face-to-face interactions, providing:

  • Access to a broader pool of potential partners.

  • Easy communication.

  • Matching individuals with compatible traits and interests.

• Enhanced self-disclosure via emails increases feelings of closeness.

Building Online Intimacy

• Research indicates that intimacy in online relationships can match or exceed face-to-face connections.

• Issues include the potential for self-misrepresentation regarding personal attributes.

Moving Beyond Online Relationships

• Virtual relationships can be as stable as traditional ones, with online communication fostering relationship maintenance.

• Excessive online interaction may correlate with diminished intimacy.

Application: Overcoming Loneliness - Learning Objectives

• Define loneliness and its prevalence.

• Explain contributions of early experiences and social trends to loneliness.

• Discuss the effect of shyness and poor social skills on loneliness.

• Suggest strategies to overcome loneliness.

Understanding Loneliness

• Loneliness: "Occurs when a person has fewer interpersonal relationships than desired or when these relationships are not satisfying."

  • Types of Loneliness:

  • Emotional: Absence of an intimate attachment figure.

  • Social: Lack of a friendship network.

  • Transient: Temporary loneliness post-disruption.

  • Chronic: Ongoing loneliness affecting relationship establishment.

Prevalence and Demographics of Loneliness

• Higher prevalence among:

  • Young people (especially homosexual teens).

  • Single, divorced, or widowed adults.

  • The elderly.

  • Individuals from divorced families.

Factors Contributing to Loneliness

• Early Experiences: Detrimental behaviors in childhood can lead to peer rejection.

• Social Trends: Busy lifestyles and increased screen time reduce opportunities for interpersonal interactions.

Correlates of Loneliness

• Shyness: Defined as discomfort and caution in interpersonal contexts.

  • Shy individuals may be overly self-conscious or have physiological anxiety responses.

• Social Skills: Lonely individuals show lower conversational engagement, self-disclose less, and adopt self-defeating attributional styles.

  • Negative thinking can lead to behavior confirming negative beliefs about social contexts.

Strategies for Overcoming Loneliness

• Chronic loneliness is linked to various mental and physical health issues.

• Strategies include:

  • Utilizing the Internet to reduce anxiety related to in-person interactions.

  • Resisting withdrawal from social opportunities.

  • Combating self-defeating thought patterns.

  • Developing social skills.

  • Seeking help from a counselor if necessary.