Copium Notes
The operative rule for the counseling model described is feelings are neither good nor bad; they just are. They need to be acknowledged and accepted, but not judged.
Behaviors confound the therapist-client relationship if the therapist does not understand the affective source of the behavior
The loss of the expected future is grieved deeply
The process of coming to grips with loss is much like the response to a death because it is the death of a dream or an expectation
Kubler Ross (1969): In her astute observations of the terminally ill and dying, is applicable to the losses experienced by people with communication disorders and their gamilies
Kubler Ross’s stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
Book dude said “I am always leery of any “stages” concept in the grief process. I think the process is basically amorphous, having fluid boundaries and being cyclical in nature, rather than being a straight-line progression.
Tanner (1980) wrote a comprehensive article on the grief reaction and how this relates to the speech pathologist or audiologist. He commented that loss can be both real and symbolic, and that grief is not a single reaction but a complex progression involving many emotions and attempts to cope with loss.
The episodic notion of grief comes from the “trigger” events
A trigger event may be as simple as going to a birthday party and seeing how well the other children are talking and how easy it is for the parents to manage their behavior by talking to the
This grief is chronic and episodic for families struggling with communication disorders
Grief is intense and short term; it is the mourning
Anger has many sources, the predominant one being when there is a violation of expectations
The most pervasive and perhaps most harmful expectation that clients have is the idealized image of how they should perform. When this is not the case, they feel angry with themselves for being so “incompetent” and “weak”. They are not able to see the reality that they are quite normal. This self-directed anger is very harmful, often manifesting itself as depression and low self-esteem.
Dealing with a family member’s disorder causes a loss of some personal freedom, which becomes another source of anger
Denial → Resistance → Affirmation → Integration/Acceptance → Coping → Flight → Modification → Reframing → Stress Reduction
Discussion Post
I can recall experiencing grief, anger, guilt and confusion when I had a falling out with my old roommate. She was my first college friend and at the time, was someone I considered one of my closest friends. However, miscommunication and resentment arose and we stopped talking.
I felt grief when our friendship ended and we stopped talking. Loss is inevitable when things change and I grieved this loss. Overcoming this feeling wasn't a set series of stages. Rather, it was a progression of many emotions and trial and error in figuring out how to overcome those feelings of loss. I threw myself into new activities and spent time with new people. The intensity of feelings varied with each day and it wasn't a gradual decline of heaviness. Rather, there were days where it felt better and days where it felt worse. However, with enough time, the intensity faded into the background. On days where it felt worse, there may have been events that triggered those feelings. Events such as witnessing groups of roommates hanging out or seeing my old roommate's favorite snacks in the grocery store felt like an extra jab to the chest. Frieche, Bloedow, and Hesse (2003) describe this progression of grief as an episodic experience as opposed to a fixed stage progression.
Anybody who experiences major change with negative connotations is bound to harbor some anger and I was no exception. I was livid with the fallout I had with my roommate for awhile. A predominant source of anger is a violation of expectations. I felt that our new dynamic and the constant exchange of hot and cold behavior was a violation of expectations that we talked about. More importantly, I felt like it was a breach in respect. I also had an idealized image of how our relationship should have been. This anger I held was turned inwards and morphed into a sulking attitude. It was especially difficult to deal with my anger in this situation because it felt like a lost of love and unfulfilled expectations. Emotional-distancing strategies are often used to deal with anger and this was no exception. After a while, I kept my interactions with my old roommate issue based and only addressed issues that were directly said. I emotionally distanced myself from her and engrossed myself in my own pursuits and spent time away from the apartment. Though it took me a while to realize it, dealing with my anger openly and honestly helped me overcome it. I wish that there was a mutual willingness to explore the roots of my anger with my roommate and that might have been able to resolve things. However, that did not happen.
I felt guilty over what happened as well. I mulled over what I've done to upset her, what could have been done and the messy dynamic we currently had. Since guilt often manifests itself in unproductive behavior, I found myself sapped and more guarded in my other relationships. I allowed something bad to happen to this relationship and I did not want it to happen again.
All of this evoked confusion. I felt confused as I was navigating through this new event that I did not have the experience to navigate with ease. It's an unfamiliar learning experience. In order to cope, I needed to gain more information regarding relationships. I confided in trusted people, sought out advice and learned more from my current relationships.
The coping process includes denial, resistance, affirmation, integration/acceptance, coping, flight, modification, reframing and stress reduction. I was in denial about everything at first because I didn't want to accept that my relationship changed. I resisted this change and sought out a way to bring it back to the way it was before finally coming to terms with the change. I had to seek out coping mechanisms such as hobbies and appreciating solitude in order to overcome my feelings. At times, I'd feel a flight or fight reaction and try to avoid the situation altogether. However, I reframed the event in my mind and really focused on stress reduction in order to cope.
Response
Hello Jasmin, I am sorry to hear about what happened with your dog. I can see how a myriad of emotions were evoked from the experience and hearing about the ways you gradually overcame that loss was inspiring. I'm glad to hear that you had a good support system during this time and that you were able to grieve for your dog accordingly. It's also good to hear that you were able to express your feelings without any judgement.
In this module, I learned about various different feelings and ways to cope with these respective feelings. These feelings include anger, guilt, confusion, inadequacy, grief and confusion. All of these feelings are inevitable when working in healthcare settings. After all, there tends to be a lot at stake and a lot of personal involvement in these matters. Speech Pathology and audiology are no exceptions. These types of emotions are expressed by clients, their families and even clinicians. Understanding the process of coping and various coping mechanisms is important in these professions. Understanding how denial, resistance, affirmation, integration/acceptance, cooing, flight, modification, reframing and stress reduction plays a role in overcoming emotions and client-clientele relationships is very vital. Work in CSD isn't just a series of checklists and busywork. It's very personal and deals with a lot of emotions.
Muddiest Point Statement: Why are models with stages not highly regarded by the book's author in dealing with grief? I've taken various psychology classes in the past and the stages of grief have always been mentioned.
The operative rule for the counseling model described is feelings are neither good nor bad; they just are. They need to be acknowledged and accepted, but not judged.
Behaviors confound the therapist-client relationship if the therapist does not understand the affective source of the behavior
The loss of the expected future is grieved deeply
The process of coming to grips with loss is much like the response to a death because it is the death of a dream or an expectation
Kubler Ross (1969): In her astute observations of the terminally ill and dying, is applicable to the losses experienced by people with communication disorders and their gamilies
Kubler Ross’s stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
Book dude said “I am always leery of any “stages” concept in the grief process. I think the process is basically amorphous, having fluid boundaries and being cyclical in nature, rather than being a straight-line progression.
Tanner (1980) wrote a comprehensive article on the grief reaction and how this relates to the speech pathologist or audiologist. He commented that loss can be both real and symbolic, and that grief is not a single reaction but a complex progression involving many emotions and attempts to cope with loss.
The episodic notion of grief comes from the “trigger” events
A trigger event may be as simple as going to a birthday party and seeing how well the other children are talking and how easy it is for the parents to manage their behavior by talking to the
This grief is chronic and episodic for families struggling with communication disorders
Grief is intense and short term; it is the mourning
Anger has many sources, the predominant one being when there is a violation of expectations
The most pervasive and perhaps most harmful expectation that clients have is the idealized image of how they should perform. When this is not the case, they feel angry with themselves for being so “incompetent” and “weak”. They are not able to see the reality that they are quite normal. This self-directed anger is very harmful, often manifesting itself as depression and low self-esteem.
Dealing with a family member’s disorder causes a loss of some personal freedom, which becomes another source of anger
Denial → Resistance → Affirmation → Integration/Acceptance → Coping → Flight → Modification → Reframing → Stress Reduction
Discussion Post
I can recall experiencing grief, anger, guilt and confusion when I had a falling out with my old roommate. She was my first college friend and at the time, was someone I considered one of my closest friends. However, miscommunication and resentment arose and we stopped talking.
I felt grief when our friendship ended and we stopped talking. Loss is inevitable when things change and I grieved this loss. Overcoming this feeling wasn't a set series of stages. Rather, it was a progression of many emotions and trial and error in figuring out how to overcome those feelings of loss. I threw myself into new activities and spent time with new people. The intensity of feelings varied with each day and it wasn't a gradual decline of heaviness. Rather, there were days where it felt better and days where it felt worse. However, with enough time, the intensity faded into the background. On days where it felt worse, there may have been events that triggered those feelings. Events such as witnessing groups of roommates hanging out or seeing my old roommate's favorite snacks in the grocery store felt like an extra jab to the chest. Frieche, Bloedow, and Hesse (2003) describe this progression of grief as an episodic experience as opposed to a fixed stage progression.
Anybody who experiences major change with negative connotations is bound to harbor some anger and I was no exception. I was livid with the fallout I had with my roommate for awhile. A predominant source of anger is a violation of expectations. I felt that our new dynamic and the constant exchange of hot and cold behavior was a violation of expectations that we talked about. More importantly, I felt like it was a breach in respect. I also had an idealized image of how our relationship should have been. This anger I held was turned inwards and morphed into a sulking attitude. It was especially difficult to deal with my anger in this situation because it felt like a lost of love and unfulfilled expectations. Emotional-distancing strategies are often used to deal with anger and this was no exception. After a while, I kept my interactions with my old roommate issue based and only addressed issues that were directly said. I emotionally distanced myself from her and engrossed myself in my own pursuits and spent time away from the apartment. Though it took me a while to realize it, dealing with my anger openly and honestly helped me overcome it. I wish that there was a mutual willingness to explore the roots of my anger with my roommate and that might have been able to resolve things. However, that did not happen.
I felt guilty over what happened as well. I mulled over what I've done to upset her, what could have been done and the messy dynamic we currently had. Since guilt often manifests itself in unproductive behavior, I found myself sapped and more guarded in my other relationships. I allowed something bad to happen to this relationship and I did not want it to happen again.
All of this evoked confusion. I felt confused as I was navigating through this new event that I did not have the experience to navigate with ease. It's an unfamiliar learning experience. In order to cope, I needed to gain more information regarding relationships. I confided in trusted people, sought out advice and learned more from my current relationships.
The coping process includes denial, resistance, affirmation, integration/acceptance, coping, flight, modification, reframing and stress reduction. I was in denial about everything at first because I didn't want to accept that my relationship changed. I resisted this change and sought out a way to bring it back to the way it was before finally coming to terms with the change. I had to seek out coping mechanisms such as hobbies and appreciating solitude in order to overcome my feelings. At times, I'd feel a flight or fight reaction and try to avoid the situation altogether. However, I reframed the event in my mind and really focused on stress reduction in order to cope.
Response
Hello Jasmin, I am sorry to hear about what happened with your dog. I can see how a myriad of emotions were evoked from the experience and hearing about the ways you gradually overcame that loss was inspiring. I'm glad to hear that you had a good support system during this time and that you were able to grieve for your dog accordingly. It's also good to hear that you were able to express your feelings without any judgement.
In this module, I learned about various different feelings and ways to cope with these respective feelings. These feelings include anger, guilt, confusion, inadequacy, grief and confusion. All of these feelings are inevitable when working in healthcare settings. After all, there tends to be a lot at stake and a lot of personal involvement in these matters. Speech Pathology and audiology are no exceptions. These types of emotions are expressed by clients, their families and even clinicians. Understanding the process of coping and various coping mechanisms is important in these professions. Understanding how denial, resistance, affirmation, integration/acceptance, cooing, flight, modification, reframing and stress reduction plays a role in overcoming emotions and client-clientele relationships is very vital. Work in CSD isn't just a series of checklists and busywork. It's very personal and deals with a lot of emotions.
Muddiest Point Statement: Why are models with stages not highly regarded by the book's author in dealing with grief? I've taken various psychology classes in the past and the stages of grief have always been mentioned.
