Self-Care and Resiliency: Assertiveness and Boundaries
Emotional Freeing Technique for Stress Management
The Emotional Freeing Technique, also known as tapping, is a mind-body method combining acupressure with affirmations to address issues like stress, anxiety, and anger. The process begins with a set-up statement repeated times while tapping the side of the hand: "Even though I am [overwhelmed, anxious, or stressed], I deeply and completely accept myself." Following this, the individual taps on various points including the eyebrow, side of eye, under eye, under nose, chin, collar bone, vertex, and under arm as illustrated by Lori Gilbert, LA. This practice aims to improve performance and reduce negative thought patterns by focusing on specific affirmations until an emotional shift is noticed.
Defining Assertiveness and Communication Styles
Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for one's rights and the rights of others in a calm, positive manner without being rude or tolerating poor behavior. Most people typically fall into categories of being passive (avoidant and accommodating) or aggressive (competitive), while a smaller percentage are assertive (collaborative). Moving toward an assertive style requires practicing being Confident, Clear, and Controlled. A major barrier to assertiveness is the fear of refusal; however, accepting that others have the right to say "no" without it being a personal attack can make it easier to ask for what is needed.
Emotional Intelligence and Assertive Scripting
Assertiveness is rooted in Emotional Intelligence, which includes Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Awareness of Others. Understanding and naming one's own feelings is the foundation for expressing emotional needs honestly. To assist in this interaction, a specific scripting tool can be utilized: "When you [behavior], It makes me feel [emotion], I need [specific request]." This specific language avoids "floppy language" that suggests a lack of belief in one's own deservingness, helping to ensure the message is effectively conveyed.
Strategies for Setting Boundaries and Handling Aggression
Setting boundaries often involves saying "no," which should be done with a positive tone and honesty. It is important to refuse the request rather than the person and to remain direct and succinct. When faced with an aggressive outburst, assertive communication protects both the relationship and the solution by acknowledging the emotion and slowing the situation down. Useful phrases include "I want to help, but I need us to speak respectfully" or "This feels tense right now; let’s take a minute and come back to it calmly." These steps help maintain a respectful boundary while seeking a resolution.
Questions & Discussion
During the seminar, several activities were conducted to explore these concepts. In the Fists Activity, Group was instructed to keep their fists closed while Group tried to get them to open. The goal was for Group to realize the fist would only open if they asked in a calm, positive, and assertive manner. The class then discussed several debriefing questions: "What did the observers see and hear?", "What emotions were evoked during the exercise?", "How did your emotions impact your response?", and "Did they consider a peaceful way of asking?" In the "Handling Aggression" activity, a planned outbreak was staged to evaluate different options for responding to aggressive outbursts. For the final exit slip, students were asked to identify who they find it most difficult to be assertive with and explain why, while also rating their mood on a scale of for the beginning and end of the seminar.