Ch. 3 Intrapersonal Communication- Reading Notes

3.1 Who Are You?

Key Concepts

  • Self-concept: How you see and define yourself

  • Self-esteem: How you evaluate your abilities and limitations

  • Both strongly influence how we communicate with others

Self-Concept

  • Defined as a person’s beliefs about who they are (traits, qualities, identity)

  • Includes both positive and negative attributes

  • Research shows society values traits like:

    • Positive: honest, trustworthy, kind, respectful

    • Negative: abusive, untrustworthy, cruel

  • Attribute values change over time, but honesty and trust remain important

Carl Rogers’ Three Parts of Self-Concept

1. Self-Image

  • How you see yourself

  • Based on traits you believe you have

  • Usually includes a mix of positive and negative qualities

  • One negative trait can sometimes overshadow many positives

2. Self-Worth

  • How much value you place on yourself

  • Often (unhealthily) based on:

    • Appearance

    • Money

    • Grades

    • Career

    • Social media validation

  • Healthier self-worth comes from internal values, not external approval

Ways to improve self-worth:

  • Stop trying to please everyone

  • Control how you feel about yourself

  • Base value on internal standards, not others’ opinions

3. Ideal-Self

  • The person you want to be

  • Shaped by culture, expectations, and life experiences

  • Often unrealistic and constantly changing

  • Problems arise when ideal-self is too far from real-self

Congruence vs. Incongruence

  • Congruent: Self-image, self-worth, and ideal-self overlap
    → healthier self-concept, higher chance of self-actualization

  • Incongruent: Little or no overlap
    → imbalance, lower well-being, communication difficulties

The Looking-Glass Self (Charles Horton Cooley)

  • We develop our self-image based on how we think others see us

  • Three steps:

    1. Imagine how we appear to others

    2. Imagine how others judge us

    3. Feel pride or shame based on that judgment

  • These judgments may not be accurate—but they still shape behavior

  • We adjust how we act to gain approval from people we value

Self-Esteem

Definition

  • A subjective evaluation of your abilities and limitations

  • Based on feelings and opinions—not facts

Key Points

  • People constantly evaluate themselves

  • Impostor syndrome is common and not evidence-based

  • High achievement does not guarantee high self-esteem

Abilities

  • Can be natural (talent) or learned (skills)

  • Skills require practice and successful completion

  • Knowing how to do something ≠ being able to do it well

Limitations

  • Everyone has limits (physical, mental, situational)

  • Important distinction:

    • Limits you can’t change

    • Limits you can improve

  • Self-esteem depends on how you interpret your limitations

Self-Esteem and Communication

  • Relationship is reciprocal

    • Communication affects self-esteem

    • Self-esteem affects communication

  • Interpersonal interactions are a major influence on self-esteem

Mindfulness and Self-Esteem

  • Mindfulness improves self-esteem by:

    • Reducing self-judgment

    • Staying present

    • Letting negative thoughts pass

    • Observing thoughts without reacting

Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff)

  • An alternative to focusing only on self-esteem

  • Less comparison, more acceptance

Three Components

  1. Self-Kindness – treat yourself with care, not harsh criticism

  2. Common Humanity – suffering and mistakes are part of being human

  3. Mindfulness – acknowledge pain without over-identifying with it

“Don’t Feed the Vulture”

  • Vulture statements = negative self-talk

  • These thoughts grow when repeatedly reinforced

  • Examples:

    • “I’m a failure”

    • “I can’t do anything right”

  • Challenging vulture thoughts:

    • Reality testing

    • Finding alternative explanations

    • Putting things in perspective

    • Goal-directed thinking

Research Spotlight

  • Social communication competence is linked to higher self-compassion

  • Being effective and confident in communication helps people treat themselves more kindly

3.2 Personality & Perception in Intrapersonal Communication

Key Ideas

  • Personality and perception shape how we think, feel, and communicate.

  • Both are influenced by genetics (nature) and environment (nurture).

  • Personality affects communication styles, emotional responses, and relationships.

Personality

  • Personality: A unique combination of traits, behaviors, emotions, and mental patterns.

  • Daly’s categories of personality:

    • Cognitive dispositions

    • Personal-social dispositions

    • Communicative dispositions

    • Relational dispositions

Nature vs. Nurture

  • Ongoing debate: Are traits shaped by genetics or environment?

  • Twin studies (Minnesota Twins) show strong genetic influence.

  • Communication traits influenced by genetics include:

    • Aggressiveness

    • Social anxiety

    • Willingness to communicate

    • Communication competence

  • Key takeaway: Genetics matter, but environment shapes how traits are expressed.

Temperament

  • Temperament: Genetically based tendencies in behavior, emotion, and thinking.

  • Differs from personality:

    • Temperament = biological & early appearing

    • Personality = socially shaped & develops later

  • Common 4-type temperament systems (many versions):

    • Sanguine / Choleric / Melancholic / Phlegmatic

    • Myers-Briggs

    • Keirsey

    • DiSC, Enneagram, True Colors, etc.

  • No consistent sex differences across types.

The Big Five (OCEAN Model)

Five broad personality traits:

  1. Openness – openness to new ideas and experiences

    • High: creative, curious

    • Low: traditional, resistant to change

  2. Conscientiousness – responsibility and self-discipline

    • High: reliable, organized

    • Low: careless, disorganized

  3. Extraversion – sociability and energy

    • High: outgoing, talkative

    • Low: reserved, quiet

  4. Agreeableness – cooperation and compassion

    • High: kind, forgiving

    • Low: critical, manipulative

  5. Neuroticism – emotional instability

    • High: anxious, insecure

    • Low: calm, emotionally stable

  • Research shows mindfulness is positively related to most traits except neuroticism.

Cognitive Dispositions

Mental patterns that affect how people interpret the world:

Locus of Control

  • Internal: outcomes depend on personal actions

  • External: outcomes depend on luck or outside forces

Cognitive Complexity

  • Ability to:

    • Notice multiple cues

    • Integrate information

    • Interpret abstract behavior

  • High complexity = better understanding of others

Authoritarianism & Dogmatism

  • Authoritarianism: obedience to authority

  • Dogmatism: rigid belief system, “black-and-white” thinking

  • Right-Wing Authoritarianism (RWA):

    • Submission to authority

    • Aggression toward rule-breakers

    • Strong adherence to norms

  • Negatively impacts interpersonal relationships

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

  • Ability to perceive, understand, manage, and use emotions

  • High EQ → better relationships and social skills

  • Related concept: Affective Orientation (AO) – using emotions to guide behavior

Personal-Social Dispositions

Traits that affect social relationships:

Loneliness

  • Emotional: lack of close bonds

  • Social: lack of social network

  • Leads to lower self-esteem and social skill issues

Depression

  • Involves sadness, hopelessness, guilt

  • Negatively affects all relationships

Self-Esteem

  • Overall sense of self-worth

  • Low self-esteem → more relational problems

Narcissism

  • Excessive self-focus and need for admiration

  • Conversational narcissism:

    • Bragging

    • Interrupting

    • Ignoring others

  • Leads to unsatisfying interactions

Machiavellianism

  • Manipulative, goal-oriented, emotionally detached

  • People are seen as tools

  • Leads to distrust and dissatisfaction

Empathy

  • Ability to understand and share others’ emotions

  • High empathy → stronger, more satisfying relationships

Self-Monitoring

  • High self-monitors: adapt behavior to situation

  • Low self-monitors: behave consistently regardless of context

  • High self-monitoring linked to:

    • Better relationships

    • Leadership roles

    • Faster relational development

3.3 Communication & Relational Dispositions

Key Focus

  • Examines communication dispositions (how people communicate)

  • Examines relational dispositions (how people think and behave in relationships)

  • Based on John Daly’s framework

Communication Dispositions

Communication dispositions = consistent patterns of communicative behavior.

Introversion / Extraversion

  • Exists on a continuum

  • Extraverts: talkative, outgoing, socially confident

  • Introverts: quiet, reserved, less socially expressive

  • Largely biologically based

  • Extraverts are often perceived as:

    • More intelligent

    • More friendly

    • More attractive

  • Extraverts tend to have more communication opportunities → stronger skills

Approach & Avoidance Traits

Describe whether people approach or avoid communication situations.

Shyness

  • Discomfort in social interaction

  • Two types:

    • Anxious shyness: fear of social interaction

    • Self-conscious shyness: fear of being judged or noticed

  • Causes include:

    • Low self-esteem

    • Fear of evaluation

    • Past teasing or bullying

  • Shyness limits communication opportunities → weaker skill development

Communication Apprehension (CA)

  • Fear or anxiety about real or anticipated communication

  • Measured by PRCA-24

  • Four types:

    • Interpersonal

    • Group

    • Meeting

    • Public

  • High CA individuals are often perceived as:

    • Less attractive

    • Less trustworthy

    • Less satisfying to interact with

  • CA negatively affects relationship development

  • Mindfulness can reduce communication apprehension

Willingness to Communicate (WTC)

  • Predisposition to initiate communication

  • High WTC:

    • Initiate interactions more often

    • Work harder to communicate effectively

  • Low WTC:

    • Less likely to start conversations

    • Can still communicate competently once engaged

  • Considered an approach trait

Argumentativeness vs. Verbal Aggressiveness

Verbal Aggressiveness

  • Attacking someone’s self-concept, not their ideas

  • Targets:

    • Group membership

    • Personal failings

    • Relational failings

  • Considered destructive

  • Leads to:

    • Dislike

    • Relationship dissatisfaction

Argumentativeness

  • Attacking ideas or positions, not people

  • Considered constructive

  • Encourages discussion and debate

  • Highly argumentative ≠ verbally aggressive

Sociocommunicative Orientation

Focuses on how people balance assertiveness and responsiveness.

Responsiveness

  • Concern for others’ feelings and needs

  • Traits include:

    • Empathy

    • Warmth

    • Sensitivity

    • Listening

Assertiveness

  • Ability to:

    • Initiate

    • Maintain

    • End conversations

  • Traits include:

    • Confidence

    • Independence

    • Leadership

    • Standing one’s ground

Versatility

  • Ability to adapt communication style to the situation

  • Combines assertiveness and responsiveness appropriately

  • High versatility = competent communicator

  • Low versatility = rigid, dogmatic communication

Sociocommunicative Orientation & Relationships

  • Assertive people:

    • Take control during conflict or repair

    • Emphasize optimism

  • Responsive people:

    • Listen

    • Encourage self-disclosure

  • Effective relational repair depends on matching styles

Relational Dispositions

Patterns of thinking that influence how people view relationships.

Attachment Theory

  • Humans are biologically driven to form attachments

  • Early attachment influences relationships across life

Adult Attachment Styles:

  1. Secure

    • Feel lovable

    • Trust others

    • Healthy, satisfying relationships

  2. Preoccupied

    • Feel unworthy

    • Seek approval from others

  3. Fearful

    • Feel unworthy

    • Expect rejection

    • Avoid relationships

  4. Dismissing

    • Feel worthy

    • Distrust others

    • Avoid intimacy

Rejection Sensitivity

  • Degree to which people:

    • Expect rejection

    • Perceive rejection

    • React strongly to rejection

  • Highly sensitive individuals:

    • Assume rejection

    • See rejection even when it isn’t present

    • Respond with withdrawal, hostility, or distress

  • Can lead to:

    • Avoiding relationships

    • Shorter relationship duration

  • Closely linked to attachment styles