Health: Effective Communication

There are three major styles of communication:

Aggressive. Being aggressive means being overly forceful, pushy, or hostile. Aggressive people may not pay attention to others' feelings. \n Passive. Being passive means being unwilling to express thoughts and feelings in a direct manner. This involves going along with what others want rather than standing up for your own beliefs. Passive communicators will often go out of their way to avoid an argument.
Assertive. Being assertive means expressing your views clearly and respectfully. Assertive people stand up for their rights and beliefs while respecting others.

Being assertive will improve your relationships with others.

It will help ensure that your own needs are met, along with those of other people.

Ways to Communicate

When you communicate, you send a message to another person. You also need to understand the messages being sent to you. This includes both verbal and nonverbal messages.

Speaking Skills

The key to good communication is to say what you mean.

You cannot expect others to read your mind. For example, if a friend has hurt your feelings, you need to let that person know clearly and directly.

Being clear and direct doesn't mean being disrespectful.

When people feel that they are being attacked, they may be less willing to listen. One way to make sure you don't sound disrespectful is to use "I" messages. An "I" message is a statement that focuses on your feelings. By using "I" messages, you avoid placing blame on someone else. The table above gives some examples of "I" messages.

Listening Skills

Listening is just as important as speaking. Active listening means paying close attention to what someone is saying. Here are some ways to practice active listening:

Don't interrupt. Give your full attention to what the speaker is saying.
Show interest. Face the speaker and make eye contact to show that you are paying attention. You can also nod or make comments at appropriate times.
Restate what you hear. Summarize the speaker's words to make sure you understand.
Ask questions. Asking questions can help you understand what the speaker is saying. It can also help the speaker clarify his or her own thoughts and feelings.
Show empathy. Let the other person know that you can relate to his or her feelings. Try not to pass judgment on the speaker's attitudes and actions.

Nonverbal Communication

Sometimes what you say isn't as important as how you say it. For instance, a compliment such as "Nice outfit" can actually sound like an insult if it is said in a sarcastic tone.

Your tone of voice is an example of nonverbal communication.

Your body language can also affect the meaning of the messages you send. Body language is communicating through gestures, facial expressions, behaviors, and posture. It includes actions like nodding or turning away from the speaker.

You may not always be aware of your body language. If you're feeling embarrassed, you may look at the ground instead of at the person you're talking to. In some cases, your body language may even contradict your words. For instance, saying

"I'm fine" while looking away will probably make people think you are not fine. Being aware of your body language can help you avoid sending mixed messages.

Offering Useful Feedback

Even in a strong relationship, people may say or do things that bother others. You might have a friend who always interrupts you when you're talking. If you want your friend to change his behavior, you have to let him know how you feel. You also have to make sure that your words do not come across as a personal attack. Try using constructive criticism, or comments that point out problems without sounding hostile.

The goal of constructive criticism is to bring about positive changes. To offer constructive criticism, point out a problem, explain why it bothers you, and suggest a solution. Also, use "I" messages that focus on the problem, not the person.

Letting people know how their actions make you feel isn't something you should do only when there's a problem. It's also important to let people know how much you value them. Tell your dad how much you enjoyed a meal that he prepared, or compliment a friend on her artistic skills. A little appreciation can go a long way in strengthening a relationship.