Making and Keeping Friends: The Importance of Being Similar notes

Friendships vs. Other Relationships

• Friendships are unique because they require:
  • Mutual agreement to form the friendship.
  • Mutual agreement to maintain the friendship.
  • A method for resolving conflicts that satisfies both individuals.
  • The freedom for either party to end the friendship at any time.
• Friendships are voluntary relationships.

Similarity-Attraction Model

• The similarity-attraction model posits that similarity fosters compatibility in friendships.
• Friends exert influence on one another, leading to increased similarity over time.
• Practicality plays a role; if a friendship isn't satisfying, similar potential friends are often available as replacements.

Distinctiveness Model

• The distinctiveness model suggests that differences, rather than similarities, form the basis of a relationship.
• Differences make the relationship more interesting and exciting.
• Complementarity in strengths is valued, and competition between friends is avoided.

Factors in Homophily: Selection

• Selection involves attraction to similar others.
• Similarity is more apparent in external behaviors and characteristics than in attitudes and internal preferences.
• Perceived similarity can be stronger than actual similarity.

Factors in Homophily: Repulsion

• Repulsion is the tendency to dislike those who are different, narrowing the pool of potential friends.
• It's challenging for research to distinguish between the effects of similarity and dissimilarity in friendship studies.
• Research on dissimilarity often equates it with antipathy (strong dislike).
• The conclusion is that "concordance is the foundation of friendship" (p. 284).

Factors in Homophily: Influence

• Influence examines whether it promotes similarity.
• Peer pressure can increase resemblances.
• This occurs through modeling and imitation.
• Cooperation, compliance, and acquiescence increase similarity.
• The question of who influences whom arises, considering unilateral and unidirectional influence.

Factors in Homophily: Deselection

• Deselection considers whether dissimilarity threatens friendships.
• Incompatibility increases disagreements.
• Inequality in friendships takes a toll.
• Undesirable characteristics in a friend also predict instability in friendships.
• Friendships dissolve primarily because of dissimilarity.

Conclusions

• Friendships are primarily based on similarity, not difference.
• Dissimilarity leads to discontent that can lead to friendship dissolution.
• The most important features on which friends are similar remain unknown.