Comprehensive Study Guide to Show, Don't Tell in Fiction Writing

Core Mechanics of Showing vs. Telling

• Definition of Distinction:

  • Showing dramatizes the story's action.

  • Telling summarizes the story's action (as formulated by author KM Wylan).

• Utility and Nature of Telling:

  • Telling is not inherently bad; all novels consist of a blend of telling and showing.

  • Telling is necessary to rapidly convey the passage of time or deliver essential facts to the reader without unnecessarily slowing down the story's pace.

• Example of Effective Telling (Opening of The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett):

  • Text: "When Mary Lennox was sent to Mistletwaite Manor to live with her uncle, everybody said she was the most disagreeable looking child ever seen. It was true too. She had a little thin face and a little thin body, thin light hair, and a sour expression. Her hair was yellow, and her face was yellow because she had been born in India and had always been ill in one way or another."

  • Analysis: The passage tells the reader that Mary Lennox is a disagreeable-looking and sickly child, but immediately validates this claim with concrete visual evidence (thin face, thin body, thin light hair, yellow skin, and a sour expression).

• Purpose of Narrative Voice:

  • Good writing invites the reader to visualize the scene and experience the emotions directly rather than explicitly instructing them on how to feel.

  • A narrative flagged for "too much telling" indicates a lack of concrete supporting details necessary to build an impactful narrative voice.

The Unifying Theory of Two Plus Two in Storytelling

• The Theory Concept (Andrew Stanton, Pixar Writer/Director in TED Talk "The Clues to a Great Story"):

  • The Unifying Theory of $2 + 2$ asserts that storytellers must make the audience put things together by giving them $2 + 2$, rather than handing them $4$

• Cinematic and Inclusive Storytelling:

  • Storytelling without dialogue represents cinematic storytelling in its purest form.

  • It is an inclusive approach based on the premise that audiences want to work for their meal, provided the storyteller hides the fact that they are doing so.

  • Humans are natural problem solvers compelled to deduce and deduct based on real-world behavior.

  • Readers are drawn into narratives by a well-organized absence of information.

• The Infant and Puppy Metaphor:

  • The attraction to infants or puppies stems not merely from cuteness, but from their inability to fully express their thoughts and intentions.

  • This inability acts as a psychological magnet, compelling observers to fill in the missing details and complete the sentence themselves.

• Application to Fiction Writing:

  • Fiction requires implying meaning rather than explicitly pointing it out, as readers enjoy the process of discovery and solving narrative puzzles.

Literary Origins and History of "Show, Don't Tell"

• Historical Evolution of the Novel (Paul Dawson, Creative Writing in the New Humanities, $2004$):

  • The novel transformed across the $19\text{th}$ and $20\text{th}$ centuries alongside the rise of Realism as a literary movement.

  • Realism aimed to depict the lives of ordinary people with complete honesty without romanticizing them.

  • From Flaubert onwards, the novel developed techniques to efface the presence of the narrator, eliminate a unified authorial voice, and dramatize as much action as possible.

• Popularization of the Mantra (Percy Wobbock, The Craft of Fiction, $1921$):

  • Percy Wobbock praised $19\text{th}$-century realists for giving the novel a defined aesthetic.

  • Wobbock popularized the concept of showing versus telling, writing: "The art of fiction does not begin until the novelist thinks of his story as a matter to be shown, to be so exhibited that it will tell itself."

  • Virginia Woolf both praised and criticized Wobbock for confining the craft of novel writing to a formal system.

• Goal of Narrative Immersion:

  • The underlying intention of this advice is to turn the author into an invisible narrator, avoiding breaking reader immersion.

  • Janet Hardy (Understanding Show, Don't Tell, $2016$) rule of thumb: As long as it feels like the character is thinking it, telling is acceptable; as soon as it sounds like the author interjecting to explain things, it becomes harmful telling.

  • Moments involving emotions, opinions, or physical sensations are best shown rather than told.

Guiding Principles for Stronger Showing

• Principle $1$: Use Evidence to Support Claims:

  • Readers must be presented with the same evidence that led a character to a specific opinion or assumption.

  • Chuck Pumpernickel's Advice: Institute a ban on thought verbs such as thinks, knows, understands, realizes, believes, wants, remembers, and imagines. Unpack scenes so readers feel and think what the characters feel and think.

  • Example of Unpacking (Chuck Pumpernickel):

  • Told version: Adam knew Gwen liked him.

  • Shown version: Between classes, Gwen was always leaned on his locker when he'd go to open it. She'd roll her eyes and shove off one foot, leaving a black heel mark on the painted metal, but she also loved the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her ass. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there again.

  • Rule: Present details that allow the reader to know character traits and feel character desires rather than stating them explicitly.

• Principle $2$: Replace Abstract Concepts with Concrete Details:

  • State emotions through concrete physical actions rather than abstract feeling labels.

  • Harvey Chapman (Novel Writing Help Blog) Example:

  • Telling: After his first kiss with Samantha, Toby walked home feeling happier than he'd ever felt in all of his $13$ years.

  • Showing: After his first kiss with Samantha, Toby couldn't keep the goofy grin off his face all the way home. When he came to the front gate, he jumped clean over it, then didn't come close to tripping.

  • Explanation: Happiness is abstract and must be demonstrated via concrete details like goofy grins and gate jumping.

  • Opinion-Related Adjectives:

  • Avoid labeling scenes with adjectives like beautiful, eerie, or strange.

  • Told draft: The dark forest felt eerie.

  • Shown revision: The forest hummed of the cries of children long dead.

  • The Camera Test (Jeff Gurt, The First 50 Pages):

  • Ask: "Can the camera see it?"

  • Combine visuals with smell, touch, taste, and sound.

  • Jerry Jenkins's Concrete Action Examples:

  • Cold: Pulling collar up, tightening scarf, shoving hands into pockets, turning face away from biting wind.

  • Tired: Yawning, groaning, stretching, displaying puffy eyes, slumping shoulders, or dialogue ("Didn't you sleep last night? You look shot.").

  • Cause versus Effect Dynamics (Jerry Jenkins):

  • Focus on the effect of a detail on a character rather than stating the cause outright:

    • Telling (Cause): The temperature fell and the ice reflected the sun.

    • Showing (Effect): Bill's nose burned in the frigid air, and he squinted against the sun reflecting off the street.

    • Telling: Susie was blind.

    • Showing: Susie felt for the bench with a white cane.

    • Telling: It was late fall.

    • Showing: Leaves crunched beneath his feet.

• Principle $3$: Substitute Vague Descriptions with Specific Sensory Details:

  • Specificity drives showing; unique sensory details make scenes jump off the page.

  • Delilah Dawson's Draft Progression:

  • Abstract statement: Ago marveled at all the market's wondrous sites.

  • First Draft (Concrete visual, but non-specific): Ago walked to the market, gaping at the rugs and bins of spices.

  • Second Draft (Multisensory and specific): Ago walked through the market as if through a dream. Spicy cinnamon and rich coffee rode the air as she ran her fingers down silken tassels and threw powdery barrels of golden saffron.

  • Avoiding Cliches (Gail Carson Levine Recommendations):

  • Avoid typical tropes (e.g., funeral scenes with everyone in black under rain).

  • Contrast settings and emotions: Place a somber scene on Christmas Day in Southern Texas with dry air. Introduce an enigmatic tombstone inscription requested by a dying mother, prompting characters to decipher it to distract from grief.

• Principle $4$: Avoid Relying Too Much on Body Language:

  • Standard body language (crossed arms, tapping fingers, clenched fists, gritted teeth) acts as quick emotional shorthand, but over-reliance fails to evoke deep emotional responses.

  • Robin Patchen (CS Lakin's Live, Write, Thrive Blog):

  • Show emotions through real-time thoughts and contextual actions rather than bodily mechanics alone.

  • Example Comparison (Mary waking up after baby Jane sleeps $8$ hours):

  • Body Language Version (Visceral/Forced): Mary opened her eyes and looked at the clock. Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. The baby had slept nearly $8$ hours. Little Jane never slept more than $4$ hours at a time. Something must be wrong. Her stomach rolled over when she remembered the last time a child of hers had slept too long.

  • Thought Process Version (Real-time cognition and action): Mary opened her eyes and squinted in the sunshine streaming in through the open window. She stretched feeling more relaxed than she had since. She sat up and looked at the clock. It was after $8$. Little Jane had slept through the night for the first time, just like Billy. Mary flipped the covers back and stood. She snatched her robe from the back of the chair and slipped it on. She wouldn't think about Billy. The doctor said it won't happen again. The odds against it were astronomical. Billy had been nearly $6$ weeks old. Jane was almost $2$ months. It was different this time. It had to be.

  • Structural Mechanics:

  • Thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions lead to actions.

  • Use strong verbs (flipped, snatched) and syntax choices like ellipses to show internal panic and urgency.

  • Reference Resource: The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi lists non-cliché physical and mental manifestations of feelings from anguish to wanderlust.

• Principle $5$: Show Emotion Through Dialogue:

  • Dialogue directly proves a character's feelings and personality.

  • Adverbs in Dialogue Tags:

  • Avoid adverbs like angrily in tags because they tell rather than show (e.g., writing "shouted angrily" after "You wretched pickle monkey! How dare you?" is redundant).

  • Telegraphing Intentions:

  • Avoid explaining character subtext or intentions prior to dialogue.

  • Telegraphed draft: He tried to be diplomatic. "Please just listen to what I have to say." "Well, that doesn't matter," she says, changing the subject. "Let's move on to something else."

  • Revised version: He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please just listen to what I have to say." "Well, that doesn't matter," she whispered. "Let's move on to something else."

  • Screenwriting Method: Draft emotional scenes like a play or screenplay to focus exclusively on conveying emotions through spoken dialogue.

  • Oscar Wilde Example (The Importance of Being Earnest):

  • Algernon and Jack discussing marriage proposals:       "You are not married already, and I don't think you ever will be."       "Why don't you say that?"       "Well, in the first place, girls never married a man they've worked with. Girls don't think you're practical."       "That is nonsense."       "It isn't. It's a great truth. It accounts for the extraordinary number of bachelors that we see all over the place. In the second place, I don't give my consent."       "Your consent!"       "My dear fellow, Gwendolen is my first cousin."

• Principle $6$: Filter Observations Through Narrative Voice:

  • Deepen narrative point of view by phrasing statements through the lens of a specific character.

  • Verb Choices: Replace generic to be verbs (was, felt) with active verbs.

  • Chevron seven Locke Examples (Reddit r/writing):

  • Telling: He was a rude and inconsiderate man. $\rightarrow$ Showing: "Out of my way, jerk," he yelled at the woman struggling to lift her stroller onto the bus.

  • Telling: She was uncomfortable around him. $\rightarrow$ Showing: She stiffened in his embrace.

  • Telling: The house was huge. $\rightarrow$ Showing: The whole family could live in the kitchen alone.

  • Telling: She was hungry. $\rightarrow$ Showing: She near inhaled the soup.

  • World-Building and Information Dumps (Janisardi / Janet Hardy):

  • Diagnostic Test: Is the information provided for the reader's benefit or the character's benefit? Reader-focused info is telling/dumping; character-focused info is showing.

  • Comparative Scene Example (Character staring at envelope next to pancakes and ticking clock):

    • Reader's Benefit (Generic): The rain poured down the window of the restaurant. Bob sat at the table, a stack of pancakes beside him. He stared at an envelope in his hands while a button on the wall, a clock ticked.

    • Navy SEAL POV: The rain beat against the restaurant window like rounds from an Uzi. Bob sat at the table back against the wall, stacked uneaten pancakes beside him. He gripped the envelope tighter with every tick of the clock above him. New orders. Great.

    • Scared Girl POV: Rain covered the window and blurred the outside world. Body slouched at the table, her head barely higher than the stack of pancakes beside her. The envelope lay in her lap. She didn't want to touch it, let alone open it. She glanced at the clock inside, running out of time.

  • "As You Know, Bob" Dialogue:

  • Dialogue where characters explain known facts to each other breaks immersion.

  • Reader's Benefit (Told): "I'll bring up a small explosive device to blow up the door. That's the way we did it when I was deployed in Afghanistan as a Navy SEAL."

  • Character's Benefit (Shown): "Kevin, where'd you learn to make bombs?" "The Navy."

Strategic Application: When to Tell vs. When to Show

• Pacing and Function of Telling:

  • Telling and showing are tools used to control pacing, focus reader attention on critical beats, and speed past minor details (Dewey).

  • The maxim should accurately be amended to: "Show, don't just tell."

• Narrative Monologues and Mythic Tone (Alexey Harrow):

  • Readers sometimes desire grand monologues that explain the world, drawing on the patronizing clarity of a fairy tale, myth, or a southern voice stating "so what happened was."

  • Example Work (Micaiah Johnson, The Space Between Worlds):

  • Opening text: "When I was young and multiverse was just a theory, I was worthless. The brown girl child of an addict in one of those wards outside the walls of Wylie City that people don't get out of or go to. But then Adam Bosch, our new Einstein and the founder of the institute that pays me, discovered a way to see into other universes. Of course, humanity couldn't just look. We had to enter. We had to touch and taste and take. But the universe said no."

  • Analysis: Converts exposition into searing, compelling narrative tension through a strong first-person voice.

• Categorical Guide for Application:

  • Cases Appropriate for Telling (or Blended Narrative):

  • Unimportant transitional moments (e.g., getting from point A to point B).

  • Summaries of routines, time passing, or repetitive conversations.

  • Broad aspects of magic systems or sci-fi world-building.

  • Character thoughts.

  • Occasional backstory sweeps paired with specific showing details (e.g., The Secret Garden).

  • Cases Demanding Showing:

  • Core emotional beats, character feelings, and interpersonal assumptions.

  • Sensory experiences (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch).

  • Internal thoughts and evidence-based realizations.

  • Character attributes, opinion-based adjectives, and critical dramatic actions.

Practical Revision Strategies and Textual Analysis

• Editing Workflow:

  • First drafts inherently contain higher proportions of telling.

  • Revision involves highlighting vague emotions, generic descriptions, or overused was verbs.

  • Replace highlighted sections with specific sensory details, concrete actions, and vivid vocabulary.

  • Recommended Guide: Jazz Hardy's Understanding Show, Don't Tell.

• Practical Editing Exercise:

  • Take a short paragraph or scene from a favorite book and rewrite it entirely through telling to observe the loss of immersion and impact.

• Comparative Textual Analysis (Where the Crawdads Sing by Delilah Owens):

  • Badly Rewritten Told Version:

  • Text: "The girl was scared of the wilderness, her heart pounding at every frightening noise. But suddenly her fear disappeared. She touched the ground, and it felt like her new guardian."

  • Critique: Paints no picture, evokes no reader emotion, relies entirely on unsubstantiated claims of fear and guardianship.

  • Original Shown Masterpiece (Delilah Owens):

  • Text: "Sometimes she heard night sounds she didn't know or jumped from lighting too close. But whenever she stumbled, it was the land that caught her. Until at last, at some unclaimed moment, the heart's pain seeped away like water into sand. Still there, but deep. Kaya laid her hand upon the breathing wet earth, and the marsh became her mother."

  • Mechanics: Evokes emotion, uses vivid sensory imagery, and filtering observations through narrative voice.