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I am going to begin writing a script for an erotic audio. It feels so embarrassing to even type that out. I’m obviously worried that this is going to be perceived as cringe. However, I don’t really care. Nobody has ever been able to satisfy me properly. At least this way, I can actually experience a sexual scenario exactly as I imagine it.

Surely I deserve that, right? It would seem that I am unable to attract someone who I fancy, so obviously, my hope for a satisfying sexual scenario is somewhat unrealistic. At least this way, I can have what I want and feel validated. This time that I’m wasting wishing somebody would match my freak could be better spent indulging in my fantasies literary-wise. Better yet, I may actually be able to get something out of it.

Maybe my wish for it to happen in real life is unrealistic and stupid. All I really want is to hear someone say the things I fantasize about hearing and experiencing. Other people have somebody who can match them in that regard, but I don’t really have that, and I’m not sure I ever will. But does that mean I don’t deserve any pleasure or validation in a sexual regard? I think I still deserve to know what it may feel like.

Fuck this feels so embarrassing. I have to start brainstorming. Maybe I fear my mind so intensely that materializing my ideas gives me anxiety.

The VA is the speaker, obviously. The listener is his roommate. Their relationship is amicable, but they stay out of each other's way, mostly because the listener avoids the speaker. WTF am I doing?

The listener has brown eyes and brown skin. Sick of these fucken white bitches getting all the hype. That is explicit and compulsory to include. Melanated women deserve fucking better.

The listener is super independent and hard-working. She does everything on her own, including seeing to her own sexual needs. The speaker is aware of this mostly because he hears her, despite her attempts to be discreet. He hears her, daily. Except for the past few days he’s heard nothing. He always hears her. He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t let on that he knows because he doesn’t want to embarrass her. In the days that he hasn’t heard her, he’s noticed how busy she is and how much more agitated she is.