Introduction (Ch. 1)
Intimacy-- 7 traits, knowledge, interdependence, caring, trust, responsiveness, mutuality, commitment
Knowledge-- intimate partners have extensive personal, often confidential information about each other
Interdependence-- intimate partners have strong, diverse, and enduring influence on each other
Caring-- intimate partners feel more affection for one another than they do for most others
Trust-- intimate partners expect treatment from one another that is fair, honorable, and benevolent; behave in expected manner
Responsiveness-- intimate partners are more attentive to each other's needs and they support each other more effectively than they do most others
Mutuality-- intimate partners think of themselves as a couple instead of as two entirely separate individuals; us rather than me
Commitment--expecting to continue relationship indefinitely and put invest time, effort, and resources to sustain the relationship
Need to belong-- a powerful drive to establish intimate connections to others, regular social contact to those we feel close to; fulfilled through a variety of relationships
Demographic trends in the U.S.
Fewer people are marrying than ever before
People are waiting longer to get married
More children are born to unmarried parents
About half of all marriages end in divorce, although the rate appears to be dropping slightly for those with college degrees
Most individuals are cohabiting prior to marriage
Attachment styles
Secure style-- happily bond with others and rely on them comfortably, readily develop relationships characterized by relaxed trust
Anxiety dimension-- being uncertain of when a caregiver would return, such children became nervous, clingy, and needy in their relationships
Avoidance dimension--suspicious of others, and did not easily form trusting, close relationships
Sex and Gender
Sex differences-- biological differences between men and women
Gender differences-- social and psychological distinctions which are created by culture and upbringing
Gender roles-- patterns of behavior that are culturally expected of "normal" men and women (teaches and reinforces how to behave)
Most of the differences we see between men and women are very small and we see considerable within gender variability. Men and women also overlap on dimensions so much that we are much more similar than different.
Gender differences can contribute to incompatibility. Traditional men and women tend to like each other less than androgynous people do. We can see that couples who adhere to traditional gender stereotypes tend to be less happy in their marriages.
Research on same-gender couples demonstrate that these relationships function similar to heterosexual couples.
Personality
Openness to experience-- imaginative, curious
Extraversion-- outgoing, assertive
Conscientiousness-- responsible, organized
Agreeableness-- compassionate, cooperative
Neuroticism--emotional stability, fluctuating moods. Big 5 trait most closely linked to relationship outcomes.
People with high scores on extraversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness tend to have happier relationships
Self-esteem-- evaluation of self
Human Nature/Sociobiological perspective
Parental investment-- females make greater investments
Paternity uncertainty-- males may be uncertain if they are the father
Research Methods (Ch. 2)
Convenience sample-- participants who are readily available
Representative sample-- participants resemble the population as a whole
Correlational designs-- can observe patterns among variables and differences among groups but the research does not necessarily tell us why a pattern occurred
Experiments--give insight about cause and effect, need to randomly assign participants and intentionally manipulate one or more independent variables.
Self-reports-- most common measures of intimate relationships, allow us to get inside people's heads and learn about private behaviors, beliefs, attitudes, and knowledge
Social desirability bias-- distortion that results from people's wishes to make good impressions on others
Ethics of research
Beneficence-- well being of participants are protected, any benefits must significantly outweigh costs, privacy
Respect for persons-- ensuring participants are competent and able to freely choose to participate by providing information about known risks and allow for voluntary consent. Making sure to protect vulnerable groups.
Justice-- all participants treated equally, reach should benefit the population who took part in. the study, rationale behind participant selection
Statistical significance indicates that results are unlikely to be found due to chance. Does not necessarily mean research is important or an effect is large magnitude (see Ch. 1 about sex differences)
Attraction (Ch. 3)
Instrumentality-- attracted to those who are able to help us achieve our personal goals, people who support us
Proximity-- tend to begin relationships and friendships with those who are physically near, opportunity for connection and interaction
Mere exposure effect--with repeated contact, we tend to increase our liking of a individual; unless we get information that we do not like
"What is Beautiful is Good"--we tend to assume that attractive people have other desirable traits
Attractiveness
For women feminine and youthful features are commonly viewed as beautiful, across cultures and ethnic groups.
For men, attractiveness is more complex. Strong and dominant looks are preferred at fertility but feminized faces are preferred the rest of the month
Symmetry is also a component of attractiveness since it is a cue to fertility
Waist-to-hip ratio-- most attractive is a curvy .7 in which the waist is 30% smaller than the hips, "hourglass"
Evolutionary Perspective
When women are nearing ovulation (when fertile) they tend to dress more sexy, flirt more, wear more makeup, more likely to wear read
Men also tend to think ovulating women smell better
Matching in attractiveness-- Most people partner with people as attractive as they are.
Mate value-- our overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner--- symmetry cue for health
Similarity—we tend to like people who like us. We find it attractive when there is demographic similarity and similarity in attitudes and values. To a lesser degree we are drawn to individuals with similar personalities.
Reinforcement theory— we tend to like people who give us reinforcements or rewards, either direct or indirect
Reciprocity-- tend to like those who like us, again why playing games does not work
Stimulus-value-role theory--- first attraction us based on stimulus. during next phase, value stage, attraction depends on similarity of attitudes and beliefs. later, attraction us based on role compatibility
Complementarily-- most complementary behaviors are similar actions; people who are warm and agreeable are happiest when they are met also with warmth and good humor
Both men and women prefer partners who are warm & loyal; attractive & vital, and have status & resources. How these characteristics are weighed depend on culture and individual factors. For example, in countries where women experience greater equality with men, women tend to attach less importance to wealth in a romantic partner. However, we all seek qualities like warmth and kindness, desirable personality characteristics, and acceptance.
Initial Impressions and Relationship Development (Ch. 4, pp. 100-107, 123-128; Ch. 5, pp. 151-156)
Social cognition--process of perception, beliefs, interpretations, and judgments with how we make sense of our social world and relationships
Start judging people within fractions of a second of meeting them. Often this is through the process of stereotyping which facilitates information organization. Some of these judgments will be correct, some will be incorrect.
Primacy effect-- tendency for first information about others to carry special weight
Confirmation bias--we tend to seek information that confirms our existing beliefs.
Overconfident-- we are overcorrect our impressions are correct
Existing beliefs are important at every stage in a relationship, not just when we meet people. However, impression management is vital to the beginning of the relationship.
Impression management-- trying to influence the impressions of us that others form
Strategies of impression management
Ingratiation-- do favors, pay compliments, discuss agreeable topics
Self-promotion-- recounting accomplishments or showing skills
Intimidation-- portray ourselves ad rough, menacing to gain compliance
Supplication-- present as inept in order to gain help
Self-monitoring--adjusting our behaviors to fit the norms of different situations, different audiences
Individuals high in self-monitoring tend to have more friends than individuals low in self-monitoring.
Self-disclosure--revealing personal information about ourselves and is one of the defining characteristics of intimacy
Greater self-disclosure is associated with greater relationship satisfaction. Feels good to give and receive self-disclosures. Gives opportunity for partner responsiveness.
Social penetration theory-- as relationships develop there are systematic changes in communication; communication also facilitates development
Breadth-- the variety of topics is more diverse
Depth-- discussion of deeper concepts
Interpersonal process model of intimacy-- genuine intimacy only develops in certain conditions--- self-disco lure and responsiveness--- lead to authenticity
Taboo topics-- sensitive matters partners agree, explicitly/implicitly, not to discuss
Gender differences in self-disclosure--women tend to be higher on expressivity
Power of Perceptions and Relationship Beliefs (Ch. 4, pp. 107-123, 128-133)
Positive illusion--judge partners in best possible light, positively associated with relationship satisfaction
Attributions-- explanations we generate for why things happen, identify causes
Internal vs. external-- internal is to a person such as personality or mood. external is describing the situation a person faced
Stable vs. unstable-- stable, lasting. unstable, temporary
Controllable vs. uncontrollable-- controllable, we can manage. uncontrollable, theres nothing we can do about them
Actor/observer effect-- people generate different explanations for their own actions than they do for the similar actions they observe in others
Self-serving biases-- people tend to see themselves as responsible for good things that happen, but relatively blameless when things go wrong
Relationship enhancing attributions-- giving people credit for their kindness and explaining away their mistake, positively affect relationship
Distress-maintaining attributions-- negatively affect relationship
Reconstructive memory—memories are continually revised and rewritten as new information is obtained. Our memories are not perfect.
Relationship Beliefs—beliefs about how relationships work
Destiny Beliefs-- assume that two people are either well suited for each other or destined to live happily ever after, or they're not
Growth Beliefs-- assume that good relationships are a result of hard work
Romanticism-- view that love is the most important reason for choosing a mate
Self-fulfilling prophecies-- false predictions that become true because an individual's expectations lead other to engage int that behavior
Rejection sensitivity-- tend to perceive snubs when there are none, overreact and display hostility and defensiveness, then disliked
Self-perceptions
Self-concept-- our broader sense of self, encompasses our beliefs and feelings about ourselves. self-esteem is just one part of self-knowledge
Self-enhancement-- motive that leads us to seek feedback that makes us look good
Self-verification--desire for feedback that is consistent with one's existing self-concept, we tend to seek intimate partners who support our existing self-concept.
Researchers can see a marriage shift where self-verification becomes more important than self-enhancement. We want our committed partners to have a vision of us that affirms our own self-concepts.
Online Dating (Finkel et al.)
20-25% of relationships begin online and 3 in 10 adults have used an online dating site or app.
Online dating allows individuals to meet potential partners outside of social network, meet individuals with particular qualities.
Individuals ages 18-29 are most likely to use online dating. LGB adults use online dating more often than heterosexual individuals.
People online date for fun, casual sex, relationship initiation, and self-validation
About half of online daters view the experience positively.
Advice:
View profiles in small batches (20 or less) in order to better remember details.
Meet in real life shortly after initiating contact so can assess chemistry and attraction.
Dating site algorithms are not particularly helpful in finding a perfect match.
Look for idiosyncratic qualities you may find appealing (unique value of partners)
Most individuals are fairly accurate in their profiles since deception is easily caught in real life. Men tend to lie about height, women tend to lie about weight, both may lie about age—typically such deceptions are small in magnitude.
Hyperpersonal Model— people are able to achieve high levels of intimacy rapidly in computer mediated communications, reveal more about ourselves through technology and better impression management
Gender differences for online dating—
Sexuality and Sexual Scripts (Ch. 9 pp. 270-280, 286-287; Tolman article).
Sexual scripting theory-- People derive expectations about sexual behaviors (i.e., sexual scripts) from their social contexts.
People learn from society how to perform their gender roles and messages about gender roles and sexual conduct are highly intertwined. Cultures differ in what behaviors are designated “appropriate” for men and women.
Sexual Attitudes
Permissiveness with affection standard— sex outside of marriage is okay but still believe it should be in context of a caring relationship is commonly endorsed
Sexual double standard— asymmetry of expectations for men and women; not as strong as once was, but still present. across genders, people prefer partners with some sexual experience
2/3 of Americans approve of same-gender sexuality. This has changed dramatically from more disapproving attitudes previously.
Sexual Behavior
~97% of Americans have sex before marriage
Married and cohabitating couples have sex more often than single folks
Generally, older people have less sex than young people
Motives for having sex:
Emotional
Physical
Pragmatic
Insecurity
Our sexual scripts have changed over time that in many ways we are more open to talking about hookups and sex. However, millennials are actually becoming sexual active at later ages and are expected to have fewer sexual partners compared to their parents' generation.
We see a number of sexual double standards based on sexual scripts:
Safeguard female sexuality to a much greater degree and men hold more permissive attitudes
Many of these double standards are reinforced in the media and through sex education
Sexual scripts may contribute to a number of gender differences/double standards we observe:
Men masturbate more
Report more sexual partners (although this may be social desirability, see Bogus pipeline study)
Men report thinking about sex
Men report more positive attitudes towards casual sex
Bogus pipeline study (in notes)-- when individuals believe they are hooked up to a lie detector, gender differences in number of reported sex partners disappear
Tolman article—qualitative study of 13-15 year old boys.
Compulsory heterosexuality— the process in which heterosexuality is assumed and enforced by a patriarchal society; if one differs from this expectation of heterosexuality they may be punished or viewed as deviant.
Found that most of the boys desired emotional intimacy, were not just focused on sex although they felt quite open and comfortable talking about their sexual desires and behaviors compared to similarly aged girls. Many linked emotional and sexual intimacy.
Found the boys felt significant pressure to demonstrate manliness and display heterosexuality. Used sex to prove manliness.
Found mismatch between private feelings and public selves.
Safe Sex (Powerpoint, Ch. 9, Hyde & DeLamater Chapter)
STIs
Non-viral STIs are typically curable. Viral STIs have symptoms which may be treated, but not curable.
STIs may be spread through oral, anal, or vaginal contact. Condoms and dental dams are highly effective in preventing STIs. Must use these barrier methods until sure of partner’s STI status.
In heterosexual interactions, transmission from men to women is far more likely than vice versa.
Contraception--you will want to understand failure rates and how the birth control generally works
Failure rates: theoretical vs. perfect user failure rate
Hormonal birth controls--work by preventing ovulation, thickening cervical mucus, and reduces endometrial growth (inner lining of uterus)
Birth control pill--interrupts patterns of ovulation, changes cervical mucus to block sperm, reduce endometrial growth (.3-9%)
Patch-- releases estrogen and progestin, 3 weeks on, 1 week off (.3-9%)
Ring-- contains low levels of estrogen and progestin, 21 days at a time (.3-9%)
Implant--flexible rod placed by doctor in arm which releases hormones, .05% theoretical failure rate, works up to three years
Depo-Provera-- 3 month shot, some weight gain (.2-6%)
Intrauterine Device (IUD)--t-shaped device placed in uterus by doctor, can contain progesterone or copper, create toxic environment for sperm & egg which prevents pregnancy (hormonal IUDs also work in similar manner as other hormonal methods), .2% - .8% theoretical failure rates depending on type of IUD, lasts 3-10 years.
Barrier methods protect against STIs and pregnancy (if using for vaginal intercourse)
Insertive/Male condom-- latex, prevents STIs, (2-18%), use properly, store properly
Receptive/Female condom-- polyurethane, prevents STIs, (5-21%) slipping, noisy
Rubber dam/dental dam—light piece of latex, lay over anus or vaginal opening if performing anal-oral or cunnilingus (woman receiving oral sex), prevents transmission of STIs
Sexual Coercion/Assault (Ch. 9; Jozkowski & Peterson article)
Rape—any type of oral, anal, or vaginal penetration with an object or body part for which the person does not consent
Sexual Assault-- broad term which includes any nonconsensual fondling, touching, kissing, groping, or physical activity of a sexual nature
Definition of consent--
Beres et al—found little support miscommunication hypothesis but rather a small group of individuals who engage in sex through coercion and little regard for partner’s sexual agency
Jozkowski & Peterson (2013) found four distinct themes for how individuals receive consent:
Traditional sexual script— men asking, women giving consent; assumed men were the pursuers and always interested in sex; most common theme
Women are responsible for performing oral sex— all participants assumed men would be receiving, some men said they would not perform
Male aggression--14% of male participants provided responses characteristic of aggression, including using force or strength t
Male deception— engaged in deceptive techniques, 12.9% stick in vagina and act as mistake, 11.8% reported they had consent but not for anal
Rape Myths-- widely held, inaccurate beliefs about rape
~80% of victims know the perpetrator
Sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes
Victim-precipitated rape—rape myth characterized by the view that person is “asking for it” or responsible for the assault. Blames the victim
False reports are rare—research demonstrates that false reports are rare and suggests each report should be investigated while offering support for the victim.