Tastes Like War: A Memoir by Grace M. Cho - Detailed Notes
Kimchi as a central Korean food: An unscientific survey suggests that a significant majority of Koreans consider kimchi to be an essential part of their meals, deeply ingrained in their culinary identity.
Personal significance of kimchi: The author's mother firmly believed that kimchi played a crucial role in her survival during wartime, highlighting its importance beyond just sustenance.
New York City, 2008
Post-mother's death ritual: In the week following her mother's passing, the author found herself instinctively purchasing kimchi in Koreatown, Manhattan. This act had become a cherished ritual during their weekly visits to her mother in New Jersey.
Disorientation and grief: The author, overwhelmed with grief and disorientation, inadvertently walked past her train stop and headed towards Penn Station before realizing the profound reality that her mother was no longer alive. She grappled with the question of her need for kimchi in the absence of her mother.
Kimchi as a lingering presence: The purchased kimchi sat in the refrigerator, its pungent aroma permeating other foods, serving as a constant and poignant reminder of her mother's absence.
Grief and the taste of kimchi: The simple act of opening the kimchi jar would trigger an intense wave of grief, often leading to uncontrollable sobbing. To cope with this, the author would force herself to eat the kimchi with rice or ramen, seeking solace in the familiar taste.
Kimchi's life cycle: The kimchi's transformation, from fresh and crunchy cabbage to a more pungent and softer state, mirrored the cyclical nature of life itself, unfolding on her palate.
Recurring purchase: After finishing the jar, the author made the conscious decision to return and buy more kimchi, symbolizing her acceptance of her mother's death and her willingness to carry on her legacy.
Mother's War Story
Family tree project: At the age of nine, mirroring her mother's age as a refugee, the author embarked on a family tree project, which allowed her to gain a deeper understanding of her mother's harrowing experiences during the war. It became evident that her mother rarely spoke about these traumatic events.
Civilian experiences: The author dedicated countless hours to researching the experiences of civilians during the war, uncovering horrific tales of survival against all odds. This research helped her grasp the magnitude of what her mother had endured.
Mother's reluctance: The author's mother found it incredibly difficult to discuss her war experiences, as they were deeply ingrained in her memory. The first memory she chose to share was related to kimchi, underscoring its significance.
Kimchi during wartime: During the war, families were forced to flee their homes, facing the constant threat of starvation. They resorted to foraging, looting, and receiving occasional food donations from American soldiers to stay alive.
Separation and survival: The author's mother recounted a particularly harrowing experience of being separated from her family. Upon returning home, she discovered earthenware jars of kimchi buried by her grandmother, along with a small amount of rice in the pantry. These provisions became her lifeline.
Self-sufficiency: At the tender age of nine, the author's mother learned to ration the kimchi and rice to sustain herself while she waited for her family to return. She emphasized, "That kimchi kept me alive for almost three seasons. I might not have survived without it."
American military bases: After the war, American military bases emerged as vital hubs for survival, offering concentrated wealth and resources.
Longing for America: The author's mother was captivated by the allure of the United States, associating all things American with luxury and prosperity.
The irony: Paradoxically, she did not anticipate the possibility of facing starvation in a country renowned for its riches.
Deprivation with the physical absence of Korean food: The absence of Korean food in her new environment added to her sense of deprivation and longing for home.
Transition to America (1972)
First port of entry: In 1972, the family's first point of entry into the United States was Seattle, a city with a relatively small Korean population and a single Asian grocery store. They resided there for a few months before making another move.
Mother's homesickness: During their time in Seattle, the author's mother was overwhelmed by homesickness and spent much of her time crying, prompting the family's relocation to Chehalis in search of a more suitable environment.
Integration attempts: In Chehalis, the author's mother was warmly welcomed with traditional American dishes such as creamy tuna casseroles and lime Jell-O. However, these gestures of hospitality did little to alleviate her deep-seated homesickness.
Shock and reminder: Every meal served as a painful reminder of her decision to leave her homeland, intensifying her feelings of loss and displacement.
Father's absences: The author's father's demanding work schedule required him to spend three months at home followed by three months at sea, leaving the author's mother to navigate the complexities of immigrant life alone with her two children.
Lack of support: The author recalls few, if any, visits from her father's relatives during his extended absences, leaving her mother feeling isolated and unsupported.
Assumption: The author speculates that her father likely believed that life in Chehalis would offer better opportunities and a higher quality of life compared to Korea.
Craving for Korean food and loneliness that resulted from the absence of other Koreans in their lives: The absence of Korean food and the lack of a Korean community in their lives contributed to her profound sense of loneliness and longing for connection.
Maintaining Korean Connection
Summer trips to Busan: During their initial years in America, the author's mother made it a priority to take her children to Busan each summer to ensure they maintained a strong connection to their Korean heritage.
Racial slur: The author vividly remembers being taunted with the racial slur twigki ainoko, a derogatory term used to demean individuals of Korean-Japanese descent.