A Level v University
Comparisons between excerpts of an essay I wrote in January 2025 (at A level), with a university standard, model answer curated by ChatGPT (bear this in mind). The comparisons will be followed up by feedback, mostly curated by ChatGPT, with some additional points added by myself, mostly critiquing my own version and what I believe my pitfalls are. The purpose of this is to get into the mindset of a university student writing an essay and mastering essay structure, which is a skill I lack.
Question: “Explain the importance of competition for business and the consumer (33 marks).”
Introduction
My answer - Jan ‘25:
Competition is where businesses who sell similar goods/services are competing for the same demographics within a market. Businesses who operate within the same market are constantly competing with each for market share, achieved through attracting more customers, generating more sales, and producing more revenue. It is a very important concept for both businesses and consumers as markets are always developing and innovating as a consequence. Businesses who have strong competition from numerous competitors tend to be more customer focussed, which in term benefits consumers as their wants and needs are considered more than from a business who doesn’t have a lot of competition around it.
ChatGPT:
Competition is a fundamental feature of market economies, shaping outcomes for both businesses and consumers. Economists such as Porter (1979) argue that the intensity of competition influences not only pricing but also innovation, efficiency, and long-term strategic positioning. From a business perspective, competition drives firms to differentiate through unique selling points and cost efficiencies, while for consumers it typically results in greater choice, lower prices, and higher-quality products. However, the importance of competition is not uniform: in some industries, such as pharmaceuticals, high barriers to entry may mean monopolistic firms actually innovate more effectively than fragmented competitors. This essay will critically assess the importance of competition by considering its benefits and limitations for both businesses and consumers, drawing on theoretical frameworks and real-world case studies.
Feedback:
Clearer academic tone
Your version is conversational and explanatory. Lacks a coherent structure which kinda makes it a boring read
The new version uses formal phrasing, precise word choice (“fundamental feature of market economies”), and positions the essay in an academic register.
Theoretical framing
Your intro only defines competition. I focus too much on what the question asks in a literal sense, I don’t pull from my knowledge on relate topics to interweave into my essay, which wold help give some of my points backing and validity.
The new one references Porter (1979) (a well-known theory in competition studies) to immediately root the essay in scholarly discussion.
Balanced scope
Your intro is weighted towards “businesses being more customer-focused.” Incorporate conflicting ideas in the intro to set the essay up as a worth reading gong forward.
The rewritten version explicitly sets up both sides: business and consumer benefits.
Critical outlook
At uni, essays need to “signpost” that they will evaluate, not just describe. I struggle with answering the “how?” Or “why does this matter?” Subsequently, the work that I produce hardly provokes thought or intrigue.
Notice the line: “However, the importance of competition is not uniform…” → this signals that the essay won’t just list positives but will question when/where competition is important.
Clear roadmap
Your intro jumps into points without showing where the essay is going.
The model ends with: “This essay will critically assess…” which frames the structure and argument — a hallmark of a First-class essay.
First paragraph:
My answer - Jan ‘25:
A real world example of this is the release that sparked Apple’s dominance of the phone market in the late 00’s/ early 10’s. The release of the iphone brought tremendous change to the business due to its success and ever increasing demand. The signature home button (later innovated to the swipe tab on the Iphone X onwards) was widely appreciated by customers due to its convenience, but the phone also offered a fully touch screen model that wasn’t widely available before this release. Before Apple took over the market, the business seen as the market leader was Blackberry, known for their “work suited phones” they had previously dominated the market before Apples takeover. The Blackberry was a phone of the times, a button based cell phone that had little touch screen capability. The company failed to adapt to the growing demands of customers entering the 2010s and was soon taken over by those who would do, the main being Apple. This is also an example of innovation which is another concert brought on by the influence of competitive markets. Innovation allows for businesses to constantly improve and better their own product lines and market standards, meaning that industries such as the tech industry are constantly improving and getting better.
ChatGPT:
The smartphone industry in the late 2000s illustrates the importance of competition in driving innovation and shifting consumer preferences. Apple’s launch of the iPhone in 2007, with its touch-screen interface and intuitive operating system, represented a clear differentiation strategy that challenged incumbents such as Blackberry. According to Schumpeter’s (1942) concept of ‘creative destruction’, Apple displaced Blackberry by meeting latent consumer demand for multifunctional devices that combined work and leisure. While Blackberry relied on incremental improvements to its keyboard-based models, Apple redefined industry standards, establishing strong brand loyalty and premium pricing power. This suggests that in highly competitive, fast-moving industries such as technology, firms that fail to adapt risk rapid decline. However, it could be argued that Apple’s subsequent dominance has reduced competitive intensity, raising concerns about market concentration and consumer lock-in.
Feedback:
Integration of theory
You described Apple vs Blackberry.
The rewritten version anchors the example in Schumpeter's "creative destruction" — exactly the kind of theoretical lens uni essays need.
Deeper analysis
You explain what Apple did differently.
The model digs into why it mattered: consumer demand, industry standards, pricing power.
Critical evaluation
You ended with "competition → innovation."
The model adds nuance: Apple's success reduced competition in the long run. That's higher-level evaluation:
recognising downsides.
Formal, concise style
Your version is long, anecdotal, with lots of detail about buttons/swipe tabs. We not here to give a history lesson - assume the reader is already knowledgeable on the topic or will do some independent research after they read the essay
The model compresses it