Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Men - Notes

Have an Affair

Have a love affair with life, reignite your passion for living, and see the extraordinary in the ordinary.
Remind yourself how precious and short life is; don't waste time on self-pity or frustration.
Prioritize life and appreciate the people around you, nature, and everyday conveniences.
Having an affair with life will not get you into any trouble with your wife or girlfriend; they will appreciate your change of heart.

Make the "Peaceful Assumption"

If not for the fact that I was caught up in something or in a low mood, I’d be feeling peaceful right now.
Acknowledge the power of your own thoughts to take you away from a peaceful state of mind.
The peaceful assumption is not about always being happy or feeling peaceful when bad things happen, but about ordinary, day-to-day living.
Recognize the role your thinking is playing in the way you’re now feeling, and choose to back off for a while.

Spend More Time with Your Kids

Kids have incredible gifts to offer us men. Qualities of children complement our own, youth, playfulness, lightheartedness, curiosity, and intuition are just what the doctor ordered and usually just what we need.
Spending time with kids brings a sense of balance to our lives. It reminds us that the best things in life aren’t things.
The magic of life is revealed by the interactions we have with others, particularly those we love.
Prioritize time and involvement with your kids ahead of virtually everything else., you'll never regret the time that you spent with them

Take Your Wife’s Advice

The person who probably knows us as well as anyone in the world is, very often, the person we’re least likely to take advice from.
She really does know us inside and out, including our quirks and weaknesses, and she probably sees at least some of the ways that we get in our own way.

Avoid the “S” Word

The S word is serious. Many of us men have become so incredibly serious, combat this tendency is to make light of it.
Adopt a sense of humor about your own serious attitude, it became easier to let it go and take more things in stride.

Don’t Know the Answer

Having to know the answer or always having to know what to do next is quite stressful. It puts constant pressure on us to be on guard; thinking, thinking, always thinking.
Confused, overwhelmed and don’t know what to do, we scramble to come up with an answer, often compounding the very problem we need to solve.
There is often great peace to be found in not knowing the answer

Have a Special Cause

Expanding their lives from being solely work- and achievement-driven to the inclusion of service has done wonders for their soul.
Having a special cause means volunteering a few hours a week (or even a month) or getting more involved in church- or temple-related causes.
Being of service does every bit as much for them as it does for the people or cause they are helping.

Be Able to Laugh at Yourself

Here we are, somewhat helpless, tiny little people taking on a great big world. But sometimes it’s just too much.
Sometimes, you just have to laugh at yourself. And when you do, it’s a huge relief. When you depersonalize life a little bit, and laugh at yourself, it takes the pressure off feeling like you have to be perfect or do it all.

Don’t Let Your Competitive Nature Get The Best of You

One of the most effective ways to create a happier, less stressed, and more balanced life is to remember that there is far more to life than winning and losing.
Walk into any major bookstore and you’ll quickly find that even an author faces stiff and extremely competent competition—every single day.

Learn About Life From Golf

If we could only remember what a gift life is, we’d surely be happier, and we wouldn’t be sweating the small stuff. At least not as often.
When playing effectively, you’re completely absorbed in the moment. You’re fully present. Each shot is independent from the rest.
The entire game is one of instinct. So, too, with life itself. Ethics and integrity are near the top of the priority list.

Grant Yourself One Hour

It’s not perfect, but it works pretty well is the one-hour solution. There are 24 hours in a day, dedicate 1 hour a day, doing those things that nourish your body and spirit.
Remember that when you spend a little time taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you become a deeper, kinder person.

Don’t Jump Ship

You can be having a perfectly nice day, effective, relaxed, and relatively stress-free, when a pesky thought enters your mind.
Simply becoming aware of this mental dynamic is extremely helpful. You’ll be doing fine and a stray thought will pop into your mind.

See It As A Test

When life seems to get a bit too crazy, pull this out and read it— over and over again., life really is a series of tests, one right after another.
One of the best strategies, especially when dealing with relatively minor “stuff,” is to remember to keep your sense of humor and to not take it too seriously.

Flash Forward For Instant Perspective

It was clear that they weren’t living up to his expectations, and he seemed burdened by it all. Very gently I asked him, “Seems like yesterday they were little babies, doesn’t it?”
Sometimes, when I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed or burdened by my responsibilities, I’ll imagine what it will be like when I no longer have those supposed burdens to complain about.

See Stress As Nonsexy

Many of us rush around bragging about how busy we are, how little sleep we get, and how long it’s been since we’ve taken a vacation.
We attempt to impress our colleagues, spouses, girlfriends, associates, even our children with our hectic schedules.
It’s much easier to get rid of something you see as a flaw than something you consider a virtue.

Share Your Dreams

Sharing your dreams is the positive, flip side of complaining. Instead of sharing your dissatisfactions and unfulfilled dreams in a negative way, which will only reinforce your own unhappiness and bring others down with you, you’re instead uplifting your own spirits and those around you by sharing a dream that is in your heart.
Consider how you would respond to the following two sentences spoken by a spouse, lover, or friend. First, “I hate my stupid job; it sucks.” Or, “Do you know what I’d really love to be doing?” Wow—what a difference.

Be a Part of the Solution

Dad used to say to me, “Our actions determine whether we become part of the solution—or part of the problem.”
In a general sense, if you treat people with respect, run an ethical business, pay people generously, forgive easily, take responsibility for your own actions, and admit when you’ve made a mistake, then you’re part of the solution in terms of creating a kinder, better, more ethical world.
The value of reflecting on this issue is that it gives us a chance to take an honest look and to assess where we are in terms of our own contribution to humanity, compared to where we might want to be.

Give ‘Em a Break

First, certainly not all, but most people really are doing the best that they can. Really, they are.
The second thing to remember is that almost everything is more difficult and complicated than it looks.
The next time you feel compelled to bawl someone out or judge them too harshly, take a deep breath and remember to “give ‘em a break.”

Keep Your Perspective

Keeping things such as problems, hassles, and inconveniences in perspective is a gift. It helps you avoid unnecessary stress and heartache.
The key to getting started is to take a step back and try to see the bigger picture. Ask yourself, “In the scheme of things, does this really matter?”

Spend Time With Your Buddies

I can’t even begin to describe what a blessing my close friendships have meant to my life. Not only for meeting for a beer but that male friendships are, and have been, a source of inspiration, growth, comfort, and fun.
All of us—men and women—are multidimensional. We have a variety of needs, including time for ourselves and time with our friends.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness as the practice of waking meditation and helps you appreciate the little things instead of being bothered and stressed by so many of them.
I’ve had some very successful, highly charged and energized men tell me that mindfulness has been the most important thing they have ever learned in their entire life.
Mindfulness is also about being aware of the thoughts you have while they are emerging.

Look At What The Cat Dragged In

I use it to remind myself—after the fact—of the thoughts I have allowed into my mind that are only serving to bring me down or make me crazy.
As any type of thought that stresses you out enters your mind, ask yourself a very important question: Is this thought worth entertaining, or is it more like something the cat dragged in?

Do At Least One Really Nice, Small Thing For Someone, At Least Once a Week

Making a commitment to yourself to do something nice for someone, at least once a week.. You’ll be amazed at two things. First, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is; and second, you’ll be amazed at how good it feels.
Doing an occasional nice thing, small as it might be, acts sort of like a reset button. It has the effect of helping us to remember to keep our perspective.

Avoid “As If” Assumptions

“As if” assumptions are cleverly disguised as absolute reality and are are the assumptions we make about our responses to things that happen.
The point is this: In our minds, we create absolute, point-to-point, cause- and-effect assumptions about things when, in fact, there’s really nothing holding those assumptions in place other than our own thinking.
To become aware of “as if” assumptions is very freeing. It helps you get over things much more quickly, and it enables you to let go of so many things that used to drive you nuts.

Be Careful of the Comparison Trap

Comparison trap plays out in far more subtle ways; feel disappointed that we don’t make as much money as a friend or that we can’t afford the type of car that someone else can.
When you’re busy comparing one person to another or one experience to something else, you often miss out on what’s right before you.
Luckily, being trapped by comparisons is nothing more than a habit—a way of thinking about life.

Take Up Yoga

Yoga is tremendous in this regard because it’s something physical that you do, yet at the same time what it does is bring your awareness back to your body and breath.
I can be uptight and rushed and feeling tremendous discomfort when I start my yoga routine; Yet, by the time I finish, I feel calm, relaxed, and pain-free.

Schedule Time For Yourself

There one of the reasons many men have midlife crises is that it suddenly hits them that they really don’t know themselves very well, if at all.
Being alone gives you a break, a chance to breathe and to lighten up. I met a man who told me that spending time alone has helped him to realize that he loved his wife more than he ever realized.

Get Out Of The Serious Mode

It gives you a chance to think, quietly and without distraction. You can reflect on your life—what you like and don’t like—things you’d like to do, dreams you have, activities you’d like to try, and ways you’d like to grow and improve as a person.
You’ll see a glimpse of humor in the craziness of it all, makes perspective, which, in turn, makes everything seem a bit more manageable.

Think “Maybe So, Maybe Not”

One of the reasons it’s so easy to get stressed and uptight has to do with the fact that we are often so certain in our positions and assumptions.
There is something very powerful and encouraging about the willingness to stay open to possibilities and being humble enough to admit that, in reality, we really don’t know what’s going to happen.

Don’t Let The “Turkeys” Get You Down

Difficult people (that is, turkeys) get us down.. In order to live a truly joyful and fulfilling life, we must learn to respond to turkeys in a whole new way.
When you see a turkey being himself, instead of feeding him with your attention, instead simply brush it off as one more jerk who is the exception, rather than the rule.

Rid Yourself Of A Busy Mind

It’s always tough to get rid of a bad habit and how advantageous it is instead to allow your mind to become free and clear. Just as dust settling allows us to see more clearly, so too does a settled mind.
By making the conscious decision to keep fewer thoughts active at any given time, you allow a different kind of intelligence to take over—one that doesn’t require as much effort. You might call it wisdom.