The Difference View (Tannen 1982-90)

  • Differences are as a result of a ‘cross-cultural communication problem’.

  • Men and women have different goals with their language.

‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ (Tannen)

  • Implies men and women are completely different – as they are from different ‘planets’.

  • Have different languages (social).

  • Interact (socially) in different ways.

  • How they speak will be different.

  • Mars = war – men: violent, Venus = love/beauty – women: caring, loving.

  • Male-female miscommunication is ‘cross-cultural communication’ (Tannen)

DEBORAH TANNEN:

  • Focuses on gender differences in language; focuses more on biological sex as a determiner.

  • Says women’s language is different to men’s, without making judgement about whether one is better or more powerful and without criticising either gender.

REPORT VS RAPPORT:

  • Report – giving information/facts.

  • Rapport – having a close/positive relationship with someone/a group of people.

ACCORDING TO TANNEN:

  • WOMEN:

    • Talk more

    • Speak in private contexts

    • Overlap

    • Speak asymmetrically

    • Build relations

  • MEN:

    • Speak in public

    • Get more air time

    • Speak one at a time

    • Speak symmetrically

    • Negotiate status/avoid failure

THE DIFFERENCES IN LANGUAGE:

  • STATUS VS SUPPORT:

    • Men want to achieve the upper hand in conversations, and prevent others from dominating them.

    • Women often talk to gain confirmation and support for their ideas.

    • Men see the world as a place where people try to gain and keep status; women see it as ‘a network of connections seeking support and consensus’.

  • INDEPENDENCE VS INTIMACY:

    • Women think in terms of closeness and support; their aim is to preserve intimacy.

    • Men are more interested in maintaining independence.

  • ADVICE VS UNDERSTANDING:

    • Women want understanding from others – if they complain about something they want people to share their frustration.

    • Men tend to see a complaint as a challenge to find a solution.

  • INFORMATION VS FEELINGS:

    • Men use language to exchange information.

    • Women use language to talk about their feelings.

  • ORDERS VS PROPOSALS:

    • Women often suggest that people do things in indirect ways – ‘let’s’.

    • Men use, and prefer to hear, a direct imperative.

  • CONFLICT VS COMPROMISE:

    • Some women will refuse to oppose the will of others openly. They’re more inclined to try to seek a compromise.

    • Men are generally more willing to face conflict.