Personal Development (4th Quarter)

Lesson 1: Personal Relationship (pages 116-126)

Personal Relationship - The type of relationship which is closely associated with a person and which can only have meaning to this person.

The “Attachment” Styles in a Personal Relationship (Ainsworth, Bleka, Waters and Wall – 1978)

1. Secure Attachment - The primary caregiver is present and available most of the time. Emotional needs of an infant are met, providing a sense of security. The child will grow to have more stable relationships.

Avoidant Attachment - The primary caregiver is cold and detached, and even unresponsive to the child's needs. The child will oftentimes experience unstable relationships in the future. The possibility of isolation is real for people who have this type of attachment.

Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment - The primary caregiver is not consistent in terms of presence and in meeting the child’s emotional needs. The child may have mixed feelings between hesitancy and commitment when entering into meaningful relationships.

Three Stages of Falling in Love by Helen Fisher

1. Lust - These sex hormones, present in both males (testosterone) and females (oestrogen), motivate individuals to find a mate – being the main hormones responsible for “sex drive”. Indeed, experiments have shown that altering levels of these hormones has implications upon sexual desire.

2. Attraction - This “infatuation” stage is driven mainly by dopamine and norepinephrine (noradrenaline), coupled with a decrease in serotonin levels. These cocktail of chemicals cause increased alertness and arousal of the body when somebody is attracted to another. Inducing a feel-good reward pathway associated with the person – increasing the desire to spend more time with them.

3. Attachment - Long term attachment between two people involves the hormones oxytocin (love hormone or cuddle chemical) and vasopressin. Concentrations of these in the body increase following orgasm in both men and women – the release of these hormones is believed to be an important factor in long term attraction and love.

The Rozenberg Quarterly Several Theories related to Attraction and Liking

1. Transference Effect - Our past relationships can therefore affect our current interactions with people.

2. Propinquity Effect (aka Proximity Effect) - Proximity promotes familiarity and hence, liking, this can also be true if we do not like a person.

3. Similarity - Similarity is a strong factor in friendship and in the selection of a mate because it promotes intimacy, trust, empathy and long-lasting relationships.

4. Reciprocity - The more we are liked by someone we equally like, the more we behave in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.

5. Physical Attractiveness - Connotes positive and reproductive fitness, which are both essential to human survival.

6. Personal Characteristics and Traits - Empathic persona and socially competent persons. Happy and cheerful disposition, poised and can present themselves well, outgoing and sexually warm and responsive. Integrity, income potential and stability of men. Attractiveness and Vitality of women.

Love (The American Heritage Dictionary) - A strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from kinship or close friendship; A strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person accompanied by sexual attraction. A feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or a god. A feeling of kindness or concern by God or a god toward humans. Sexual desire or activity: the pleasures of love; a night of love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Variables which may have an effect on Commitment

1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship - Support from the partner; sexual satisfactions; emotional; financial and physical security; adventure and novelty

2. Temptation of alternative partners - The presence of possible alternatives for another partner can rock the relationship and destabilize the commitment of a couple.

3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship - May include time spent together with common beliefs and experience, mutual experiences with mutual friends and bearing children. Religious beliefs reinforce commitment.

Spoilers to Commitment

1. Consistently finding fault with the partner - Consistent criticism negates the person being criticized and may send the message to the partner that he or she is inferior to the other.

2. Tone of criticism - This happens when there is the absence of unconditional positive regard for each other in a relationship, criticizing in ways that belittle the other person. Positive and constructive criticism that is done in a light and playful manner can create positive outcomes.

3. Denial of the existence of conflict - When one party eludes the presence of a problem and refuses to discuss it, as if belittling the problem, it will result in frustration on the other side of the party.

4. Contempt - Someone who looks down on the party as inferior does not give unconditional positive regard, and aggravates the situation by expressing superiority of disillusionment and highly predictive of “divorce” or separation.

Responsibilities that are necessary in a relationship to make it flourish and beneficial for the parties involved

• Be responsible for what you think and say to the other person,

• Be responsible for what you promise to do or not to do.

• Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.

• Respect the other party or parties involved.

• Be ready to provide support when needed.

Lesson 2: Social Relationships - Is a broad definition of how we interact and behave with other people, and how they interact and behave with us. Tend to be less intimate, with lesser self-disclosure involved, but may still be exclusive, and may demand certain levels of loyalty as in fraternities or religious organizations, and to a lesser extent loosely knitted social clubs like practitioners of certain specialized professions.

Daniel Goleman’s Social Intelligence Theory

Orbitofrontal Cortex (OFC) - Part of the human brain located just above the eyes, which is connected directly to the three major parts of the brain: the cortex, the amygdala and the brain stem. Provides an immediate connection between thoughts, emotions and behaviors. It immediately calculates our feelings and thoughts about a person and how the other person feels and thinks about us, and what actions we take after this quick assessment.

Social Influence - Lisa Rashotte (2007): Things such as behaviors, actions, attitude, concepts, ideas, communications, wealth and other resources that bring about changes in the beliefs, attitudes and behavior of persons as a result of the action/s of another person. Happens as a result of interacting with other people who are perceived to be subject matter experts or of similar persuasion as the ones being influenced.

Varieties or Types of Social Influence by Herbert Kelman:

• Compliance: Is when a person seems to agree, and follows what is requested or required of them to do or believe in, but does not necessarily have to really believe or agree to it.

• Identification: Is when a person is influenced by someone he or she likes or looks up to, like a movie star, a social celebrity, or a superhero; and

• Internalization: Is when a person is able to own a certain belief or act, and is willing to make it known publicly and privately.

Other Types of Social Influence

Conformity (Pagsang-ayon) - A type of social influence that involves a change in behavior, belief, or thinking to be like others. It is the most common and pervasive form of social influence. Social psychology research in conformity tends to distinguish between two varieties: informational conformity (“internalization” in Kelman’s terms) and normative conformity (“compliance “ in Kelman’s terms). Very strong particularly among middle and late adolescents. An adolescent in that age group is most susceptible to a compelling need to seek approval from others and be accepted by them in order to become a friend and to belong to a social group. This tendency toward conformity among adolescents may lead to either positive or negative results, depending on the beliefs, intentions, and attitudes of the members of a group and the extent of their influence on an individual. Conformity is brought about by peer pressure, often imposed on the members of a group to demonstrate some semblance of loyalty, which is often deemed as necessary to maintain one’s relationship with the group. Conformity is one reason why group members look and behave similarly with one another such as wearing similar-looking clothes or enjoying the same movies and music genre, and adoring the same celebrities.

Conversion - Occurs when an individual whole-heartedly changes his or her original thinking and beliefs, actions and attitudes to align with those of the other members of the group. This also happens in the group when original beliefs, attitudes and behavior of the different members may have influenced each other to evolve into a new set of beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. Religious Conversions: Internalization happens to make a new set of beliefs, attitudes and actions become one’s own.

Minority Influence - When a bigger number of people are influenced by a much smaller number of people and when the minority’s way of looking and doing things are accepted. This may happen when the minority owns and wields power economically, politically and socially, or if the majority are uninvolved and detached from issues.

Reactance - Also known as anti- or non-conformity. There is a willing rejection of social influence being exerted on an individual or group. It is a reverse reaction to some social influence that is being imposed by a person or a group on another. Example: An adolescent who is being prevailed upon by the parents to stay at home during weekends and help in the house chores may react and develop a non-conforming behavior of not following their parents.

Obedience - Another form of social influence wherein a person follows what someone tells him or her to do, although it may not necessarily reflect the person’s set of beliefs or values. Similar to compliance, obedience usually stems from either respect or fear of the authority figure.

Persuasion - Used by one person or group to influence another to change their beliefs, actions or attitudes by appealing to reason or emotion.

Leadership and Followership Theories

Leadership (Pamumuno) - The action of leading a group of people or an organization. Chester Barnard: The ability of a person in a position of authority to influence others to behave in such a manner that goals are achieved.

Leader - Often typecast as someone who is the head of a group of people by virtue of having great strength and wisdom, or may have inherited a position of power even if strength and wisdom were not part of this person’s virtues.

Power - Also annexed to leadership, and that a leader may obtain power through various means and sources, such as position, giving rewards, expertise, respect or coercion.

Theories of Leadership:

Trait Theory - Defines leadership based on certain personality traits that are generally suited for all leaders, such as decisiveness (katiyakan), persistence (pagtitiyaga), high level of self-confidence (kumpiyansa sa sarili) and assertiveness (pagpipilit), among others.

Behavioral Theory - This theory presupposes that leadership is a learned behavior, and that leaders are defined according to certain types of behavior they exhibit.

Participative Theory - The opposite of an autocratic leader (diktador na lider), this involves other people to make common decisions.

Situational Theory - Assumes that there is no one style of leadership and that leadership behavior is based on the factors present in a situation and, and usually takes into consideration how followers behave.

Transactional Theory - Leadership involves a transaction or negotiation or resources or position, and usually employs reward and punishment.

Transformational Theory - Involves a vision, which a leader uses to rally support from followers, and the role of the leader is in motivating others to support the vision and make it happen.

Authentic Leadership - Why Should Anyone Be Led by You?: What It Takes to Be an Authentic Leader by Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones (2006)

Three Basic Axioms of leadership:

1. Leadership is situational - A leader’s behavior and what is required of him will always be influenced by the situation. It means that a leader is able to assess a situation quickly, adjust to it, and provide the appropriate and necessary action to address it for the benefit of his followers.

2. Leadership is non-hierarchical - The exercise of leadership is not based on one’s position in an organizational chart alone, but also dependent on other factors such as characteristics, skills, and even connections.

3. Leadership is relational - Leaders and followers establish a relationship where their interests are mutually met. The role of a leader in this relationship can vary from being a visionary to a cheerleader. Followers in a relationship with their leaders often desire to belong to a bigger entity like a community, and their expectation of their leader is one who is genuine or authentic. This authenticity is expressed in behavioral terms that are communicated effectively and consistently to the followers.

Leader-Member Exchange (LMX) Theory - Saint-Hilare (2008), in her paper discussing the various theories of leadership, mentions a theory involving the dynamics between a leader and his or her followers. First developed from the perspective of an original leader-member theory called the Vertical Dyad Linkage (VDL) Theory. This was first discussed in the works of Dansereau, Graen, and Haga (1975). Eventually, VDL further progressed into two more theories, and one of which is the Leader-Member Exchange (LMX) Theory.

LMX Theory: It states that a leader’s effectiveness is measured by the quality of his relationship with his followers, and different types of relationships can evolve between leader and follower in a certain work situation. Another tenet of the theory is that there should be an exchange of resources between leader and follower that is meaningful and viewed by both parties as fair.

Heroic Leadership - Heroic Leadership: Best Practices From a 450-Year-Old Company That Changed the World by Chris Lowney (2003). He referred to the type of leadership that the members of the Society of Jesus live by. To this religious congregation of men, everyone is a leader and everyone gets a chance to lead and be leaders in everything they do.

Four Principles:

1. Self-awareness: Knowing and understanding fully our strengths and challenges, our way of looking at things, and even our emotions and the set of values that we live by.

2. Ingenuity: A leader of this type is not stuck in his comfort zone because the world is constantly changing. Flexibility and openness to new ideas are the hallmark of this kind of leadership. In the same manner, detachment from sources of pride and pleasure is also emphasized.

3. Love: A healthy self-concept generates a healthy and positive attitude when dealing with other people. You love or respect others when you love and respect yourself. What you do not have, you cannot share with others. Effective leaders show their respect for their followers. They are not merely people who follow them, but are partners in achieving the results they all desire. People who are respected, treated well, valued, and trusted by another always show their best as response to the genuine care being received.

4. Heroism: This type of leadership is about motivating and inspiring other people to reach for higher goals, for bigger and greater things.

Four Elements followers want from a leader (Goffee and Jones):

1. Authenticity - The leader is not afraid to show their weakness, reveals their human side without fear, and uses these together with their strengths to lead others.

2. Significance - A leader provides the reason or meaning for followers to believe in;

3. Excitement - A leader provides motivation and inspiration to his or her followers and excites them to pursue their vision; and

4. Community - A leader builds a community of followers with whom they can associate and forge relationships.

Goffee and Jones - Leadership is not for everyone. Leadership, they theorized, are for those who want to become leaders and are ready to take on the responsibilities of being one. They concluded that leadership is measured not merely by its results, but most importantly, on the way it provides meaning to the leadership cause.

The Why-How-What Types of Leadership - Gives meaning to why followers follow a leader..

Simon Sinek (2009) - A leader inspires people and gives them something to believe in. Examples of these kinds of leaders are Moses, who brought the people of his tribe out of Egyptian slavery; Martin Luther King, who inspired people with his speech “I Have a Dream”; Jose Rizal and Andres Bonifacio, who inspired our early ancestors to dream of freedom from Spanish colonialism. “Why?”: The most important question to ask first when leading others. Once “why?” is clearly established, the “How?” (the reason that will make a vision a reality), and the “What?” (the outcomes or results of the actions) will follow.

Why-How-What Leaders according to Sinek: “Why?”: Visionary leader; The one who believes results can be achieved. “How?”: Realist leader; Who is able to see or how to work out a vision. “What?” : Builder leader; Provides the details on how to get things done.

Lesson 3: Family Structures and Legacies (pages 156-163)

Family - Basic unit of society; First place where the growing children learn their basic social skills. A group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head. Belen T.G. Medina, PhD: Two or more persons who share resources, share responsibility for decisions, share values and goals, and have a commitment to each other over time”

Kinds of Family Relational Variations

Nuclear/Traditional Family - Comprised of a father, a mother and their offspring/s. Father plays the role of the breadwinner. Mother stays at home to manage the house and the children.

Single Parent Family - Who rears the child or children while earning for the offspring. The single parent may be supported by relatives or hired caregivers to take care of the growing children. Sometimes, the single parent will decide on cohabiting with a partner who is not the biological parent of the child. A Filipino single parent may be assisted financially by his or her own parents or relatives.

Extended Family - Very common family arrangement found in many parts of the world and most particularly in Asia. The nuclear family + the parents of either the husband or the wife, or both their parents, depending on the arrangements they make. A single brother or sister may also be part of the extended family.

Childless Family - Consists of a husband and wife living and working together. A couple without any child or children, and who may be living all by themselves. They may or may not have household help assisting around the house.

Step Family - Consists of a new husband and wife and their children from their previous marriages or relationships.

Grandparent Family - When grandparents raise their grandchildren for a variety of reasons and the parents are not present in the child’s life.

Influence of Family Structure on the Adolescent

Nuclear/Traditional Family - Values, social skills and behavior are directly learned from the parents

• These are expressed in their unique parenting styles, the nature of parental authority they practice, and the general atmosphere at home.

Single Parent Family - The absence of one parent (father or mother) may create an impact on the growing child who would normally look up to authority as role models. Depending on how the single parent manages the child, he or she may grow up either well-adjusted or problematic.

Extended Family - Positive: The presence of different generations within a home provides the child a sense of stability in relationships as they witness firsthand how relationships can work and endure challenges, and to see a continuum in the family line. The presence of grandparents provides the child a sense of anchoring or rooting to the family’s history, thus, enabling the child to appreciate family heritage and traditions. Negative: The presence of grandparents may create some confusion to a child, particularly when the biological parents may adopt a parenting style that is opposite to that of the grandparents.

Parental Authority and Parenting Style

Authoritative Parenting - Papalia and Feldman (2012): A key factor in the psychosocial development of an adolescent, and it is believed to foster a healthy and positive impact on the adolescent’s development. It is about exercising control over a child’s behavior, but not the child’s emotions, beliefs and self-concept. Studies have shown that when a parent provides for psychological independence, the child tends to become self-confident and competent in their studies and social interactions. On the other hand, a child’s emotional health suffers more when the parent controls the child's behavior. (Papalia and Feldman, 2012)

Albert Bandura’s Theory of Social Learning - Learning takes place through observation (or modeling) Mental states are important to learning, which means that a child’s learning can be self-reinforced or rewarded if there is a satisfaction or pride in what was learned. Not all learning can lead to changes in behavior.

Characteristics or Traits passed on to You by your Family and immediate Relatives

Family Heredity

• Physical similarities

• Obesity and leanness

• Diseases (e.g Diabetes)

• Intelligence

Genogram - A graphical map of a family’s history that traces and illustrates patterns in its structure and characteristics using special symbols to describe relationships, major events, diseases, traditions, social and personal beliefs, etc. Physical characteristics such as skin tone, shapes of eyes, nose and ears, hair type, disease tendencies, etc. Genetic or external factors such as artistic, musical or literary abilities, sports abilities and personality habits are like being reserved or introverted, being friendly, etc.

• Pages 161-163

Lesson 4: Persons and Career & Career Pathways (pages 156-163)

Career - It is a profession that a person may get into either because he has found a good match between life goals, skills, personality, and interests with a dream job or it may just be a means to earn a living.

Job and Career

August Turak proposed that “personal development is not a tool for reaching a bigger goal, because becoming a complete human being is the biggest and most noble goal you can aspire for”

Four Categories of Career Development Theories

1. Trait Factor - Skills, values, interests, and personality traits are analyzed and matched with job factors or an occupational profile.

2. Personality Type-Work Environment Congruence Theory - Six Personality Categories: realistic, investigate, social, conventional, enterprising and artistic. People in search of their career path are often confused because they mix their dominant type with their other preference

3. Social Learning and Career Decision Theory - A person may exercise control over his thoughts, beliefs, and actions and that self-efficacy is the predictor of behavior. Self-efficacy - one’s capabilities to plan, organize and execute a set of actions that will produce the desired results.

4. Developmental or the Life-Span or Life-Space Theory - Theory on the idea that humans are always in constant change and go through life learning and doing new things while changing roles in the process.

The challenge is… “To develop our own approach and methodology in finding out our career choices”

Internal Factors That May Affect Your Decision On Your Career Choice

1. Self-concept or self-identity - If your self-identity is not solid as it should be, then choosing a career or even a course to take up in college will be difficult. There is a need to know and understand what you want to do or not want to do.

2. Personal Preferences - Your career preference is opposite to what your parents want, this is what usually happens in many Filipino homes.

3. Motivation - The drive to fulfill one’s potential is the best motivation that any person can ever have in living a meaningful life. Other people went to college to take up a course that can provide them with employment abroad. “A person without any motivation will end up wasting a life of unfulfilled potentials.”

4. Self-Confidence - “Yes I can!” “Kaya ko ‘to!” The self-confident person will keep his eyes on his goals and declare to the world that he can do it and will succeed in the pursuit of his dreams.

5. Personal Skills - The skill that you have may be hidden because some people around you do not accept it or you may be afraid to show it because you might be misjudged. “Have the courage to stand up and take the relevant course that will hone your skills and be the master of your destiny.”

6. Personality Characteristics - Knowing your personality will definitely help you in choosing a career. Certain characteristics are compatible and matched with certain types of work. What are some of your personality characteristics?

• Are you a quiet type who would rather work alone than with a group?

• Are you the more sociable type who enjoys working with a team?

• Would you rather memorize information rather than analyze it?

7. Personal Health - The condition of your health is a major factor in the career choice you will make.

8. Emotional Conditions - It is difficult to make decisions when one is experiencing some strong emotions such as anger or sadness. Check yourself when you are deciding on what course to take.

9. Self-sabotaging thoughts - These are thoughts that deter a person from developing a healthy and wholesome self-concept. “I can’t do this” “I will never succeed” “I am not intelligent enough for that course” “Nobody believes me so why should I believe in myself?”

External Factors Influencing A Filipino Adolescent’s Career Choices

1. Parental preferences - Should conflict arise, ask your parents for their reasons regarding their preference, then share with them your own thoughts about your choice.

2. Family considerations - If you have a sibling, your parents might want you to go to the same school for practical or security reasons.

3. Financial constraints

4. Job market preference (Immediate employment)

5. School location

6. Peer Pressure - Sometimes friends may put pressure on you when choosing a course so that you will be together in college.

7. Gender bias - Some careers or companies are still suffering from gender bias.

8. Language limitation - Find ways to overcome this obstacle by learning the language before enrolling.

9. Academic Performance