5 Feeling Rules and Emotion Work

Participants experienced heightened emotional work in managing family dynamics, particularly in relation to in-laws and children during social distancing guidelines. The need to enforce boundaries while maintaining family ties created emotional turmoil for many.

Family Strain: A participant's mother-in-law from Ontario visited, causing significant stress in the relationship, especially with the rollout of social distancing guidelines in Nova Scotia. This visit made the participant navigate the complexities of hospitality against the backdrop of public health concerns.
Risk and Responsibility: Participants felt conflicted about taking their children on outings, such as shopping or family gatherings, which were fraught with health risks. They reported prioritizing family acceptance over health safety, leading to guilt and a sense of obligation toward family members. The societal pressure to conform to family expectations intensified these feelings.
Emotion Work Defined: The expectation to respect in-laws often led to emotional strain—referred to as emotion work—where individuals felt the need to moderate their true feelings and actions based on societal norms regarding respect and filial piety. A relevant study by Gu (2018) examined the dynamics of in-law relationships among Taiwanese immigrants, illustrating how cultural expectations heavily influence family interactions, especially during crises.
New Challenges: Uncertainties surrounding health risks, such as exposure to COVID-19, amplified already existing tension points in family relationships. Participants grappled with the pressure of adhering to new social norms, which demanded minimizing the risk of viral transmission while seeking familial closeness.

Rule-Policing Anxiety: Participants like Phyllis expressed the pressure to conform to perceived social norms about public health, often prioritizing appearance over genuine adherence to health guidelines. Many felt that their social media presence required them to present a curated, compliant image, which was often at odds with their personal experiences.
Consequences of Norms: Even without direct consequences like health issues or legal repercussions, the shifting norms around emotions and behavior had significant emotional impacts, with many participants experiencing anxiety and stress about being judged by their peers in various social contexts. This relentless scrutiny heightened emotional burdens.

Child Behavioral Concerns: Another participant, Jessica, faced emotional challenges in balancing work with her child's needs:
- Child Loneliness: Jessica's 12-year-old son openly expressed feelings of loneliness and the compounded pressure of not wanting to increase family stress. This manifested in emotional meltdowns, revealing how children internalized the pandemic's impact on their social lives.
- Parental Conflict: Jessica struggled with the tension between maintaining productivity in her remote work environment and addressing her child's emotional needs, illustrating the impossibility of fulfilling both roles effectively amid the pandemic's stressors.
Sick Day Decision: Describing an emotional struggle, Jessica ultimately decided to prioritize her child's well-being over work responsibilities, indicating a profound internal conflict between professional expectations and familial obligations. This decision underscored the harsh realities many parents faced in times of crisis.

Ambivalence in Feelings: Participants experienced conflicting feelings regarding the organization of their daily lives during the pandemic. Expectations concerning ideal parenting and maintaining professional obligations often clashed, leading to emotional distress and instability.
Secret Joys: Despite the overall challenges posed by the crisis, participants found joy in smaller moments, revealing how the pandemic provided unexpected silver linings. Jessica highlighted enjoying reduced schedules without the pressure of organized sports, marking a significant departure from traditional expectations for parents to support children's extracurricular activities.
Gender Role Dynamics: Phyllis noted the inversion of traditional parenting roles during this time, where her partner faced challenges managing home responsibilities typically associated with motherhood. This shift prompted a reflection on evolving relational dynamics and the distribution of emotional labor in parenting, showing how crises can lead to reevaluated gender roles.

Emerging Conflicts: New public health mandates introduced significant conflicts within families regarding adherence to guidelines, leading to increased emotional labor as parents navigated feelings tied to compliance versus rebellion. The struggle to maintain familial harmony amidst differing opinions on health practices underscored deeper emotional complexities.
Jessica’s Reflections: Jessica noted the paradox of working from home, expressing both regret and pride as she witnessed her son grappling with adult responsibilities. This reflection illustrated the layered emotional experiences of parenting during uncertain times, with feelings of helplessness intertwined with recognition of a child's growth.

Attendant Stressors: Racialized participants like Yanick faced unique pressures tied to their professional and personal lives amidst the pandemic—these pressures included exacerbated stress due to systemic inequities and increased health risks in their communities.
Health Considerations: Yanick reflected on the impact of ambient structural racism on his mental and physical health, navigating the conflicting roles of caregiver and academic amid these challenges. This duality highlighted systemic barriers that racialized individuals often encounter.
Self-Care vs. Community Care: There's a notable tension between self-care norms, which emphasize individual well-being, and obligations to family and community, leading to feelings of inadequacy for not meeting personal or societal expectations. This struggle often left participants feeling torn between their own needs and those of their community.

Paradox of Emotional Experiences: The convergence of work, home, and parenting created a paradox of emotion work. Maintaining productivity while ensuring healthy family relationships and personal well-being led to deep emotional contradictions among participants, who vacillated between acceptance and resistance to changing norms.
Changing Emotional Norms: As participants struggled with the challenges of blending roles, they also developed new strategies for coping with uncertainty. This process highlighted the evolving landscape of parenting and emotional labor in the context of public health emergencies, emphasizing adaptive capacities amidst adversity.