CH.9-FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE & CH.10-MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

CHAPTER 9: FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE

9.3 Romantic Love

  • Sexual Orientation: Refers to the type of emotional and sexual relationships a person is attracted to. Examples include heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, polysexual, and asexual.

  • Sexual Minority: Any individual who does not identify as heterosexual.

  • Heterosexism: The societal assumption that all relationships are heterosexual, which affects research on romantic love. Many studies demonstrate that individuals across sexual orientations report similar values regarding romantic love, commitment, and levels of satisfaction in their relationships.

9.4 The Internet and Close Relationships

  • The internet's role in facilitating romantic relationships is examined through various lenses.

TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (Sternberg, 1986)

  • Components of Love: Sternberg's triangular theory suggests that all love experiences consist of three main components:

    • Intimacy: Involves warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship, which includes both emotional and physical intimacy.

    • Passion: Encompasses the intense feelings, both positive and negative—such as sexual desire—that occur in love relationships. It includes drives that lead to romance, nurturance, self-esteem, and self-actualization.

    • Commitment: Refers to the decision to maintain a close relationship despite challenges and potential costs associated with that relationship.

TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS RESULTING FROM THE TRIANGULAR THEORY

  • Nonlove: Characterized by the absence of all three components; typically reflects casual interactions.

  • Cultural Universality: The components apply universally across different cultures and include same-sex relationships, indicating all three components are positively correlated with relationship satisfaction.

  • Consummate Love: This is the ideal type of love, where all three components (intimacy, passion, commitment) are present.

ATTACHMENT THEORY

Adult Attachment Theory (Hazan & Shaver, 1987)

  • Explores how attachment styles, developed in the first year of life, influence adult relationships.

  • Though attachment styles may shift based on life circumstances, secure attachments can develop from therapy even in those with insecurities.

Infant Attachment Styles (Ainsworth, 1987)

  • Based on systematic observations of mother-infant interactions, three attachment styles were identified:

    • Secure Attachment: Characterized by anxiety when the caregiver leaves but comfort upon reunion.

    • Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment: Shows high anxiety during separation and resistance upon reunion with caregiver.

    • Avoidant Attachment: Little anxiety during separation; also shows resistance during reunion.

Parenting Styles Influencing Attachment Quality

  • Warm/Responsive Parenting: Generally leads to secure attachment in children.

  • Cold/Rejecting Parenting: Tends to lead to avoidant attachment.

  • Ambivalent/Inconsistent Parenting: Often results in anxious/ambivalent attachment.

Adult Attachment Representation

  • Secure Adults (55%): Exhibit trust in others, ability to form mutual interdependence, low concern about abandonment. Typically enjoy the longest-lasting relationships with the fewest divorces.

  • Avoidant Adults (25%): Experience discomfort in closeness, reluctance to trust, favor emotional distance, and have the fewest positive relationships.

  • Anxious/Ambivalent Adults (20%): Become preoccupied with relationships, seek closeness often exceeding partner's desires, and experience intense jealousy, resulting in short relationship duration.

DYNAMICS OF ROMANTIC LOVE

Progression of Love Components Over Time

  • According to Sternberg, the components of love progress at different rates:

    • Passion: Peaks early in relationships and declines over time.

    • Intimacy and Commitment: Gradually build over time.

  • Passion Decline Reasons: Possible reasons include reality checks from fantasy, the wearing off of novelty, and the inability for physiological arousal to be sustained indefinitely.

  • Breakups: Decreases in intimacy are more predictive of breakups than declines in passion.

Reasons Why Relationships End

  • Research tracking couples over extended periods reveals common breakup reasons:

    • Premature Commitment: Partners rush into commitment without understanding each other fully.

    • Communication and Conflict Issues: Ineffective skills lead to misunderstandings.

    • Boredom: Routine or lack of engagement makes the relationship less appealing.

    • Availability of Attractive Alternatives: Other potential partners increase dissatisfaction.

    • Low Satisfaction Levels: These factors intertwine with individual expectations, attachment styles, and stress levels.

Duck's Model of Relationship Breakdown (1982, 2006)

  1. Breakdown Process: One or both partners feel dissatisfied.

  2. Intrapsychic Process: Internal rumination about dissatisfaction occurs.

  3. Dyadic Process: If uncertainty persists, partners discuss relationship issues, leading to the potential for repair.

  4. Social Process: Friends/family become aware of issues, escalating relationship tensions.

  5. Grave-Dressing Process: Partners create individual narratives to explain the ending to their social circles, providing closure.

  6. Resurrection Process: Partners move forward, preparing for new life stages post-breakup.

Factors Contributing to Lasting Relationships

  • Getting to Know Each Other: Engage in reciprocal self-disclosure, aligning on values and compatibility.

  • Effective Communication Skills: Ability to calmly navigate and resolve conflicts; identified as crucial for sustaining marriage.

  • Positive Reinforcement: Increase positive communications about one another and the relationship; avoid cycles of negativity.

  • Novelty in Activities: Trying new experiences can enhance satisfaction in relationships.

THE INTERNET AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

Usage of Online Dating

  • Approximately 30% of U.S. adults engage with online dating apps. In Canada, 36% of adults use these platforms.

  • Stigmas against online dating have significantly decreased, with over 80% finding it socially acceptable.

Demographics of Online Dating Users

  • Adults aged 18-29 engage with dating services more than those 30 and older, yet individuals of all ages, including seniors, utilize dating apps.

  • Overall experiences tend to be positive, although frustrations and pessimism can arise based on negative experiences.

Benefits of Online Dating

  • Opens access to a larger pool of potential partners.

  • Allows evaluation of individuals prior to making connections.

  • Provides convenience in meeting new people.

Transitioning from Virtual to Face-to-Face Relationships

  • Romantic connections initiated online demonstrate similar stability over two years when compared to traditional relationships.

  • There is an increasing trend of couples meeting online; implications for relationship characteristics are worth exploring.

Challenges of Online Dating

  • The internet allows for anonymity, enabling individuals to cultivate false identities. Commonly misrepresented attributes include:

    • Age

    • Appearance

    • Marital Status

  • Studies Documenting Misrepresentation:

    • 86% of respondents reported others misrepresenting their physical appearance.

    • Users with lower attractiveness are likelier to misrepresent their physical characteristics such as height, weight, and age.

  • Romance Scams: These scams, prevalent on dating sites, involve individuals feigning romantic interest for financial gain. In 2023, Canadians lost over 50 million to such scams.

CHAPTER 10: MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

CHALLENGES TO THE TRADITIONAL MODEL OF MARRIAGE

  • Definition: Marriage is recognized as the legally and socially sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults. Same-sex marriage became legal in Canada in 2005.

  • Research Focus: Historically, marriage research has been centered around heterosexual relationships, with few comparative studies involving same-sex couples in prolonged commitments.

  • Traditional Marriage Essentials: Historically included:

    • Economic interdependence

    • Common residence

    • Sexual fidelity

    • Shared child-rearing responsibilities

Shifting Marriage Dynamics in Canada

  • Decrease in Marriage Rate: From 30.5% of the Canadian population in 2001 to 20.6% in 2021.

  • Rise of Common-Law Relationships: As marriage rates decline, common-law relationships have become more prevalent.

  • Statistics for Canadians aged 15 and above:

    • 44.3% are married

    • 12.6% are in common-law relationships

    • 43.1% are neither married nor in a common-law relationship.

Social Trends Affecting Marriage

  • Acceptance of Singlehood: The rise in acceptance of remaining single, often linked to delays in marriage (average ages: women 29, men 30). Negative stereotypes associated with singlehood are diminishing.

  • Cohabitation Norms: Growing acceptance of cohabiting without marriage, which has surged since the 1990s, including families with children.

  • Perception of Permanence: Although marriage is generally viewed as a lifelong commitment, divorce is increasingly deemed justifiable when relationships fail to meet needs, with diminishing stigma around divorce.

Gender Roles and Family Diversity

  • Changes in Gender Roles: Traditional roles are evolving, with women increasingly participating in the workforce, resulting in diverse and flexible role expectations.

  • Voluntary Childlessness: Rising numbers of women across all age groups choose not to have children, attributed to delayed family planning and personal choice.

  • Increased Family Structure Diversity: A richer variety of family formations has emerged, including same-sex couples, single-parent households, and childless families.