PerDev

Personal Relationship, this kind of relationship refers to the association and close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow and form mutual experiences. Personal relationships generally refer to family, friends and significant other.

Family Relationship, Family is generally defined as living together in a household whom related by birth, marriage, or adoption. It includes siblings and parents whom you grow up with. One’s family relationship is also extended to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins though not living together. In family, roles are also defined. Parents and older relatives role is to guide, discipline, and support younger members.

Friendship Friends are the people we are not related to us by blood or adoption but we choose to interact with them. They are the people with whom we share our trust, respect, and care. We feel that we can confide in them and we want to spend time with always. Friendship is a reciprocal relationship. Both people must see each other as a friend for the relationship to exist. Good friendships are mutually respectful, supportive and share common interests and ideas. It should be built on honesty, support and loyalty.

Romantic Relationship, a romantic relationship is when you feel strongly attracted to the other person. The attraction encompasses a person's personality and even physical and should be reciprocated by the other person in the relationship.

According to Helen Fisher, the attraction is primarily on physiology or certain hormones that get attracted to others and are the first stage during the changes of personality development which leads to closeness, love and commitment. However, disappointments in relationships occur usually because of the misunderstanding about the different ways of expressing their attraction, love and commitment. Thus, let us explore in this lesson how we can express our attraction, love and commitment to others.

Biological Model of Love As proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher, there are three brain systems of love: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each also involves different neurochemicals in the brain. Depending on a person, a love relationship can start in any of these three. Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual activity. It is also described as sex drive associated primarily with estrogens and androgens. Attraction is described as the love-struck phase. It involves focusing attention on a particular person. Many factors influence attraction such as physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, and reciprocity. a. Physical Attractiveness is one of the primary determinants of romantic attraction. Most people prefer whom they consider physically attractive especially in the early stages of dating. b. Proximity can be explained when people tend to get attracted to people who are geographically closer to them. They are more likely to develop feelings of mutual familiarity with the people who live close to them. For example, being attracted to a classmate since you regularly see the person. c. Similarity is when people choose partners whom they find similarities such as social class, religious beliefs, and education. It explains when two people share more attitudes and opinions, the more they will want to do the same activities. As a result, they would create a strong bond between them. d. Reciprocity means people like others who like them back. The more a person is liked by someone, the more he/she behaves in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking

Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another. Usually, long-lasting commitments are exchanged when people are attached even across time and space. Triangular Theory of Love There are three main components of love as suggested by Robert Stenberg (1988). These are intimacy, passion, and commitment. The relationships vary and depend on the presence or absence of each of these components. Intimacy is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. It is characterized by closeness, connectedness, and boundedness. Passion is described as an intense emotion towards a person. It is also shown as compelling interest for someone. Like having a desire to spend time with a person most of the time. Commitment is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements with another person. Wherein, the values of integrity and respect are evident in the relationship.

 Theory Love Styles Ancient Greeks studied love and giving each type a Greek name. Lee (1973) offers a theory derived from an analysis of writings about love through centuries. Philia – Affectionate Love usually runs deep in true friendship. It occurs without romantic attraction between friends or family members. It is also called brotherly love when both people share the same values and respect. It can be shown by engaging in deep conversation, exchanging beliefs and imperfections, being open and trustworthy, and being supportive in difficult times. Pragma – Enduring Love is described as a mature love that develops over time. To reach this relationship commitment and efforts are needed. With the partner by your side, you are "standing in love" instead of "falling in love". It is expressed by strengthening the bond, seeking and showing effort with your partner, and choosing to work with your partner. Storge – Familiar love is a naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children, as well as best friends. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection. It usually flows between parents and children or childhood friends. Ways to show this love are sacrificing one’s time, self or personal pleasures, showing gratitude and quickly forgiving. You also share memorable and impactful moments. Eros – Romantic Love is characterized by personal infatuation and physical pleasure. It is a passionate love displayed through physical affection. In this case, admiration is focused on someone's physical body. Hence, the couple engages in physical touch such as hugging and kissing even if it not appropriate yet. Ludus – Playful love is a child-like and flirtatious love found in the beginning. This type of love consists of teasing and playful motives between two people. It is shown by having fun together. Mania – Obsessive Love as named is described as obsessiveness or madness over love. It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness. To avoid it, obsessive or possessive behavior must be recognized to be properly addressed. One should learn to focus on oneself more than another person. Philautia – Self Love is having a healthy “self-compassion” towards one’s self. It is when you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being. Agape – Selfless Love is the highest love to offer. It is an empathetic attitude of love. It is given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is considered unconditional love. It is expressed by helping the other person improve his life.

Words of Affirmation "Actions don't always speak louder than the word". Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Wanting to hear "I love you" or other positive compliments you're your partner. And if you don't hear it, then you might feel unloved. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You wanted to hear kind and encouraging words that build you up. Acts of Service Doing nice things for other people and anything you do to ease the burden of the other person are "acts of service." Whether it's changing someone's oil, cleaning the house, or giving a back rub, doing things to help make the other person happy is what this one is about. Helping with homework can be an expression of love for you. The words you wanted to hear are "Let me do it for you". Receiving Gifts You value giving and receiving gifts and some do not. So, if you measure your partner’s love by how many gifts you are given, then your love language is “receiving gifts.” Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of the gifts wanted on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. A missed birthday or a thoughtless gift would be disastrous. Quality Time You measure the quality of love by how much time other people want to spend with you. If you don't get enough "together time," then you might feel unloved. Being there for this type of person is critical, but being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks standby makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be hurtful. Physical Touch A person whose primary language is physical touch is not very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding a hand and thoughtful touches on the arm can show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety and love to you.

Mutual Respect Do I treat the other person as if he/she is of value? Compassion Do I have a genuine concern for the issues that cause the other person's concern? Empathy To what degree am I able to allow myself to be open to what he/she feels? Understanding Do I try to understand the other person, what they say or do? Acceptance Can I feel I am okay the way I am? Do I accept him/her as he/she is? Honesty Is the relationship built on truthfulness, or are there games involved? Trust To what degree am I willing to let the other person know private aspects of my thoughts, feelings, and life? Good Communication Can we talk freely about issues that are important to the relationships? Do we know how to talk so we each are understood and sharing is safe? Consideration Am I mindful of the other person’s needs as well as my own? Compatibility To what extent do we like and value the same things? Mutual Enjoyment In areas of disagreement, are we able to agree or disagree? Personal Integrity Am I able to maintain my beliefs and sense of self as well as offer my time and attention to the relationship? Vulnerability To what degree can I let down my barriers and allow the other person to see my perceived weaknesses, without fear of negative reactions from them?

1. Personal Relationship refers to the association and close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. 2. Different Types of Relationships: family, friendship, romantic relationships. 3. Three Brain Systems of Love or Stages: Lust, Attraction and Attachment. 4. A factor of Attraction is physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, reciprocity. 5. Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Strenberg: Intimacy, Passion and Commitment 6. The combination of the three (3) components can produce eight (8) types of love: Non love, liking, infatuation, empty love, fatuous, companionate, romantic consummate 7. Eight love styles name after Greek names: ✓ PHILIA – Affectionate Love ✓ PRAGMA – Enduring Love ✓ STORGE – Familiar love ✓ EROS – Romantic Love ✓ LUDUS –Playful love ✓ MANIA –Obsessive Love ✓ PHILAUTIA –Self Love ✓ AGAPE –Selfless Love 8. Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Cahpman ✓ Words of Affirmation ✓ Acts of Service ✓ Receiving Gifts ✓ Quality Time ✓ Physical Touch 9. Important aspects to nurture relationship are the following: mutual respect, compassion, empathy, understanding, acceptance, honesty, trust, good communication, consideration, compatibility, mutual enjoyment, personal dignity, vulnerability