Friendship and Love

CH. 9 FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE

9.1 Relationship Development

• Definition of Close Relationships:

  • Close relationships are defined as those that are important, interdependent, and long-lasting.

  • Individuals invest significant time and energy to maintain these relationships.

  • Actions of one person have a direct impact on the other.

• Forms of Close Relationships:

  • Family relationships

  • Friendships

  • Work relationships

  • Romantic relationships

  • Marriage

• Emotional Impact:

  • Close relationships can evoke intense feelings, both positive and negative.

  • They relate to crucial aspects of life such as health and happiness but also carry risks like abuse, deception, and rejection.

  • This is referred to as the paradox of close relationships.

9.2 Friendship

Relationship Development Overview

Close Relationships Overview

• Definition: Close relationships are characterized as important, interdependent, and long-lasting, significantly impacting well-being.

• These relationships can encompass various forms, not only romantic interests but also friendships and family ties.

• They can yield both positive outcomes like health improvements and negative outcomes like emotional distress.

• Phases of Relationship Development:

  • Initial encounters

  • Becoming acquainted

  • Maintaining relationships

• These phases apply to both friendships and romantic relationships.

Initial Encounters

• Attraction:

  • Attraction is characterized as the initial desire to form a close relationship.

  • Key factors that contribute to attraction include:

  1. Proximity

  2. Familiarity

  3. Physical attractiveness

Proximity

• Definition:

  • Proximity refers to geographic closeness or other forms of spatial closeness.

• Effects of Proximity:

  • Individuals are more likely to become attracted to and acquainted with those living nearby or sharing similar environments (e.g., workplace, educational settings).

  • Friendships and romantic interests are often influenced significantly by proximity.

Familiarity

• Mere Exposure Effect:

  • This psychological phenomenon indicates an increase in positive feelings toward a new stimulus (such as a person) due to frequent exposure.

  • Positive feelings may develop solely from frequent visual exposure, without further interaction.

• Impact on Relationships:

  • An increase in familiarity generally elevates likability, enhancing the chances of engaging in conversation and developing a relationship.

  • However, familiarity may diminish attraction if the person becomes less appealing or overly competitive.

Reminders and Resemblance

• Familiarity also includes attraction to individuals who share similar traits or qualities, such as:

  • Shared interests, personal backgrounds, or physical attributes.

  • Research confirms people may be more attracted to faces resembling their own.

  • An example study: Participants found composite images of their partners—mixed with their features—more attractive than those mixed with random features.

Physical Attractiveness

• Role in Initial Encounters:

  • Physical attractiveness is a significant factor in face-to-face encounters and is often rated as the most important characteristic in romantic relationships for both genders.

  • Males, gay or straight, generally place greater importance on physical attractiveness compared to females.

  • Regardless of gender, people prefer attractive friends.

Characteristics of Physical Attractiveness

• Cunningham's Four Categories of Attractiveness Qualities (2009):

  1. Neonate (baby-face) qualities

  2. Mature features

  3. Expressiveness

  4. Grooming

• Facial Features:

  • Women with a balance of youthful and mature features (e.g., large eyes, wide smile) receive higher ratings for attractiveness.

  • Men with mature facial features (e.g., strong jaw, broad forehead) also score high on attractiveness ratings.

Grooming and Enhancements

• Importance of Grooming:

  • People utilize cosmetics, hairstyles, clothing, and accessories to enhance physical attractiveness.

  • Some individuals resort to surgical and medical procedures (e.g., tummy tucks, nose reconstructions) to boost physical attractiveness.

• Clothing Colors:

  • Wearing red has been found to increase a woman’s perceived sexual attractiveness, theorized as an evolutionary signal of peak fertility.

The Matching Hypothesis

• Definition:

  • The matching hypothesis suggests individuals of similar levels of physical attraction are drawn to each other.

• Supporting Evidence:

  • Research indicates that dating and married couples often exhibit similar attractiveness levels and physiques (weight, BMI).

  • In heterosexual dynamics, men generally prioritize physical attractiveness while women emphasize social and occupational status, explained through evolutionary theories.

  • Men are typically attracted to women showcasing health through attractiveness for better offspring, while women are drawn to men having higher status and resources for family support.

Getting Acquainted

• Reciprocal Liking:

  • The belief that someone likes you increases your feelings toward them, especially if perceived as attractive.

• Self-disclosure:

  • Self-disclosure involves voluntarily sharing personal information with another individual.

  • Reciprocal self-disclosure is vital for building relationships, typically starting off slowly and increasing over time.

  • Increased self-disclosure correlates with positive relationship outcomes, such as closeness and enjoyment.

  • Face-to-face self-disclosures are generally more fulfilling compared to online exchanges.

Similarity in Relationships

• Factors of Attraction:

  • Beyond physical attractiveness, individuals are drawn to others sharing common qualities such as attitude, education, religion, age, and personality traits.

• Appeal of Similarity:

  • Similarity creates comfort and enhances the likelihood of forming a deeper connection between individuals.

Established Relationships

• Strategies for Maintenance:

  • College students employ various strategies to maintain personal relationships, encompassing friendships, romantic ties, and family connections.

  • Relationships evolve over time from acquaintanceship to established bonds requiring active maintenance.

Relationship Satisfaction

• Social Exchange Theory:

  • This theory posits that interpersonal relationships are maintained or terminated based on perceived rewards and costs.

  • If the benefits of a relationship exceed the costs, it is likely to sustain; if costs overshadow benefits, the relationship may be abandoned.

  • Rooted in Skinner’s principle of reinforcement, suggesting humans strive to maximize benefits while minimizing costs.

Comparison Levels

• Definition of Comparison Level:

  • A personal benchmark for evaluating an acceptable balance of rewards and costs in a relationship, influenced by:

  1. Past relationship experiences

  2. Observations of others’ relationships

  3. Media portrayals of relationships (e.g., in TV shows, movies)

• Impact on Satisfaction:

  • Higher relationship satisfaction is connected with perceived high rewards and low costs.

Relationship Commitment

• Comparison Level for Alternatives:

  • One's assessment of outcomes from potential alternative relationships; impacts the likelihood of maintaining or leaving current relationships.

  • This explains why individuals often remain in unsatisfactory relationships until a new, more appealing option arises.

• Investments in Relationships:

  • Investments refer to the contributions made to a relationship that cannot be recovered if the relationship ends (e.g., time spent, financial resources).

Critique of Social Exchange Theory

• Critics argue that social exchange theory assumes close relationships operate based on an economic model of costs and benefits.

• Clark & Mills (1993):

  • Distinctions are made between exchange relationships (e.g., acquaintances) and communal relationships (e.g., close friends, family), suggesting that benefits in communal relationships do not create obligations.

  • Research supports the idea that communal relationships exhibit different dynamics compared to more general acquaintances.

FRIENDSHIP

Defining Good Friendship

• Friendship Standards/Expectations (Hall, 2012):

  1. Symmetrical Reciprocity: Mutual loyalty and trust.

  2. Agency: Rewards or benefits friends provide (e.g., popularity).

  3. Enjoyment: Ability to share fun experiences with one another.

  4. Instrumental Aid: Direct support (e.g., providing advice, emotional support).

  5. Communion: Levels of self-disclosure and intimacy between friends.

• Friendship Satisfaction:

  • The extent to which a friend meets these standards is directly related to overall friendship satisfaction.

  • The time spent with friends can significantly predict the closeness of the friendship, with approximately 60 hours being required to form a friendship.

Conflict in Friendships

• Friendship Repair Rituals (Cahn, 2009):

  1. Reproach: The offended party acknowledges an issue and seeks an explanation.

  2. Remedy: The offender acknowledges responsibility, providing justifications, concessions, or apologies.

  3. Acknowledgment: The offended party accepts the remedy (e.g., an apology) for the relationship to continue positively.