Therapy Session Notes: Addressing Misunderstandings and Personal Growth

The approach should be centered on the dynamic between "you" (the speaker) and "her" (the therapist), rather than the therapist's perception of the speaker's relationship with "me" (the speaker's family).

Express that you feel misunderstood regarding your family dynamics.
You often feel the need to justify or defend your family because the therapist seems to perceive problems that you believe do not exist.
When discussing personal growth and mistakes, the therapist sometimes assumes it aligns with parental criticism, which is not the case.
Clarify that verbal processing helps in self-discovery.

Example: Discussing the word "better" with your mom.
- Your mom used "better" to mean improving, not fixed or healed.
- Understanding her intended meaning resolved internal conflict and improved the situation.

Express concern that the therapist doesn't accept your perspective and seems to believe your parents are worse than they are.
Acknowledge that you possess traits (e.g., non-confrontational, people-pleasing) often associated with difficult parents.
These traits actually stem from friendships and other significant relationships.
Your parents have always encouraged you to have a voice and express your opinions.

Highlight the miscommunication or misalignment between what you're saying and how the therapist is receiving it.
You can see reactions in her face that suggest she's thinking a certain way.

Example: The assumption that your mom is overbearing.
- The therapist might interpret your mom's involvement (e.g., attending doctor's appointments) as a sign of a lack of autonomy or choice.
- Clarify that you ask your mom to come to appointments because they can be overwhelming, and her presence is supportive.

Question whether the therapist sees the issue as stemming from you or your parents.
The therapist might perceive your parents as dominating and over-involved, leading to a suppressed personality.
Counter this by highlighting the encouragement and support you receive from your parents.
You often seek their help even when encouraged to try things independently.

Acknowledge that you focus on negative experiences because they have a significant impact.
Reiterate that the positive aspects of your relationship with your parents far outweigh the negative.
Negative incidents accumulate over time and impact you significantly due to a lack of self-trust.
You tend to doubt yourself when someone you trust (like a parent) contradicts your thoughts or feelings.

Therapist might attribute your lack of self-trust to your parents.
Acknowledge past issues but also highlight other significant events that contributed to self-doubt.
- Example: Being yelled at by Denise.
- Example: Responsibility for Clem and feeling unable to voice your own needs.
These experiences taught you to doubt yourself because others seemed to have greater needs or be more deserving.
Your inherent kindness and empathy contributed to this dynamic.

Emphasize that you want to own your feelings and not deflect them onto your parents.
Acknowledge the influence of your parents but also recognize the impact of outside influences.
You want to understand why these outside influences have such a strong effect.
Your positive qualities (e.g., kindness, empathy, compassion) can be overused.
You need to learn to set boundaries to avoid overextending yourself and losing yourself in the process of helping others.

Example: Your involvement with Clem.
- This situation had nothing to do with your parents but taught you to prioritize others' needs.
- This pattern extends to other relationships, such as with Ire at school.

You are aware of both the positive and negative influences your parents have had.
You want to understand the impact of external influences and how they've shaped your behavior.
You see the good in people, are kind and compassionate, empathetic, sweet, and supportive.
You need to learn when to stop giving to others and start prioritizing your own needs.
You need to rediscover yourself after losing yourself in the service of others.