“To abuelita Neli” by Javier Zamora

https://newlaborforum.cuny.edu/2020/11/19/poetry-by-javier-zamora/

==Initial context==

  • Javier Zamora creates a thinking pattern during the poems that compose the book "Unaccompanied", narrating the emotional conflict he has gone through because of his immigrant condition in the United States.
  • “To Abuelita Neli” explores the clashbetweentwoopposingidentitiesinsidetheauthor,isthesearchforhistrueidentityandhishome,clash between two opposing identities inside the author, is the search for his true identity and his home, as he believes he possesses neither, since he doesn't know himself, and none of the countries in which he is connected seems to offer him the warm feeling of family.
  • Through his work, heshareshisfeelingsofisolationfromnotbelongingcompletelytoeitherculture,andtheimpactofbeinginthegrayandmonotonouslimbo,he shares his feelings of isolation from not belonging completely to either culture, and the impact of being in the gray and monotonous limbo, but what he is sure of is his need for a place he can finally call home. The author employsimagery,metaphors,andrepetitivenegativismtoconveytheidentitycrisisemploys imagery, metaphors, and repetitive negativism to convey the identity crisis and the dilemma of “being and belonging” that Zamora struggles to define.

==Literary devices==

Zamora establishes the tone of the poem by describing the long time he has been outside of El Salvador, the sentence “for each year I haven’t climbed marañón trees” denotesanostalgicfeelingalmostmissingthegoodtimeswhenhewasabletodoit.denotes a nostalgic feeling almost missing the good times when he was able to do it. He follows with “I’m sorry I’ve lied about where I was born.”, which expresses the uncertainty and lack of security in the place where he belongs. Thefeelingofshameispresent,notforlying,butfortheinabilitytodefinehimselfandwherehecomesfrom.The feeling of shame is present, not for lying, but for the inability to define himself and where he comes from. Zamora is not able to define himself as he doesn't consider his birthplace or the country where he lives today, his home.
  • AlthoughhewasborninElSalvador,hedidnothaveenoughtimetofeelpartoftheculturewhenheimmigratedatayoungageAlthough he was born in El Salvador, he did not have enough time to feel part of the culture when he immigrated at a young age, and he doesn't feel comfortable in the United States because he doesn't have his family or anything emotional to tie him to the country. HereferstotheUSas“thiscountry”insteadof“mycountry”whichimpliesalackofemotionalattachmentandbelongingtotheplacehelives.He refers to the US as “this country” instead of “my country” which implies a lack of emotional attachment and belonging to the place he lives.
  • The author employs word choice and diction to emphasize the consistently somber and hopeless style of his message. The quote: “You understand. Abuelita, I can’t go back and return. There’s no path to papers. I’ve got nothing left but dreams”, represents the constant struggle that many immigrant children experience every day, not only is the emotional conflict with their identity, but also the political and social struggle that the process of adapting entails.
  • Zamoramakesadistinctionbetweenthelegalobstaclesfacedbyimmigrantswhentheyarelegallyadaptingtoanewculture.Zamora makes a distinction between the legal obstacles faced by immigrants when they are legally adapting to a new culture. In addition, the political process in the United States has made it more difficult to naturalize these individuals, who despite being aware that this country cannot offer them much, prefer to leave their birthplace due to the conflicts and violence that terrorize these third world nations.
  • The imagery used in the sentence “I’ll never be a citizen. I’ll never scrub clothes with pumice stones over the big cement tub under the almond trees” depicts Zamora’s feeling of helplessness and uncertainty. Heislostbetweentwoworldsofchaosandconfusion,hewon’tbeacitizenofthecountryheresidesin,butatthesametime,hewillneverbepartoftheculturethatheleftbehind14yearsago.He is lost between two worlds of chaos and confusion, he won’t be a citizen of the country he resides in, but at the same time, he will never be part of the culture that he left behind 14 years ago.
  • There’s a matter of acceptance, he is not welcomed by his relatives in El Salvador because of his permanent absence, being considered a foreigner instead of a “Salvadoreño”, but on the other hand, if he doesn’t change to the white culture of the U.S, he will not be accepted as an American either. Thus, no matterhowhardZamoratriestobeacceptedbybothculturesandtheirpeople,hestillisastrangermatter how hard Zamora tries to be accepted by both cultures and their people, he still is a stranger and his identity is still stuck in this state of in-betweenness.

==Conclusion==

  • He finalizes with “Abuelita, please forgive me, but tell them they don’t know shit” which switches the tone of melancholy and despondency to anger. He lives on this metaphorical border between El Salvador and the United States, hestruggleswithhisquestforbelongingandself−discoveryandalsohastodealwithexternalquestioningfrompeoplewhodon′tknowthesituationheisgoingthroughhe struggles with his quest for belonging and self-discovery and also has to deal with external questioning from people who don't know the situation he is going through.
  • His trauma is not seen by others, the only thing that is seen and challenged is the cowardice of a man who abandoned his country because he had no money. Thispoemcouldbesummarizedashisstruggleagainsthimselfandsociety,isthetraumaofeveryimmigrantwhohastoleavehiscountryinsearchoftheopportunitiesthathavebeentakenawayandtheredefinitionofhisidentityThis poem could be summarized as his struggle against himself and society, is the trauma of every immigrant who has to leave his country in search of the opportunities that have been taken away and the redefinition of his identity.
  • As I mentioned before, this poet is one of my favorites and his work has marked me significantly; his words have helped me to untangle this knot of feelings that I have had since I left my country and have been the comfort for those hard nights when I questioned the reason for my parents' decisions. JavierZamoraisthefaceofimmigrantsintheworldoflivingpoetsJavier Zamora is the face of immigrants in the world of living poets, where he has been able to put into words the confusing feelings that many of us have, and "to Abuelita Neli" is the representation of many of the conflicts that we have to face to free ourselves from the chains that bind us to a decayed and vulnerable country.