10. Close Relationships

  • 1980s there was an emergence of research on understanding relationships

  • Relationships science tries to understand:

    • Stages in a relationship

    • structure

    • changes over time

    • factors that influence the relationship

The importance of relationships

Core social motive → need to belong, have meaningful connections with others

  • Harvard study

    • Tracked 2 men over a 75 year period

    • Happiest people were those who prioritized relationships in their lives

    • Good relationships were happier and healthier

      • Trend with living longer

Theories in relationship science

  • Interdependence theory

    • rewards that partners can provide each other in different situations

    • Rewards judged against 2 standards:

      • Comparing and seeing if it is what they deserve

      • Perception of if you can get better( other fish in the sea)

  • Attachment theory

    • initially focused on caregiver and infants and eventually adapted to explain close relationships in adulthood

    • 2 dimensions:

      • Anxiety: Reassurance that is needed, the person they love will stay with them

      • Avoidance: Extent to which people are uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and vulnerability

  • Assumes attachment style is fixed and wont change

  • papers to read by next class

What is a close relationship?

  • partners dependent on one another for positive outcomes

  • helps each other accomplish important needs and goals

4 types

  • Intimate relationship

  • close relationship (friends, siblings)

  • personal relationship (grandparent & grandkids)

  • interdependent relationship (social roles → task focused, doctor & patient)

Uniqueness principle

  • Outcomes of a relationship are not only based on the 2 people, but depends on the unique pattern of interactions that happen in the relationships

  • Important to look at dyadic processes

    • How both people add to the relationship

Integration principle

peoples relationships develop overtime and the desire to maintain it should increase overtime

  • self-concepts become more intertwined as partners

  • self-concept can change because of the relationship

Trajectory principle

  • Long-term trajectory of a relationship is dependent on the people’s perceptions of the couple and experiences, which are updated continuously

How do relationships work?

Evaluation principle

  • People evaluate their relationships and partner on positive and negative constructs

  • 6 constructs:

    • commitment, trust, love, passion, intimacy, and satisfaction

Responsiveness principle

  • When people engage in responsive behaviour it can increase the quality of the relationship

  • Responsiveness: being aware, sensitive and supportive of your partners core values and needs.

  • Increase in vulnerability → increases relationship quality

Resolution principle

  • how partners communicate and manage relationship events will influence the stability and quality of the relationship over time

  • constructive and active way in acting leads to better results in conflict resolution

Maintenance principle

  • people who are in committed relationships tend to have positive illusions when it comes to their partner

What do partners bring into their relationships?

Predisposition principle

  • People bring their personalities and temperament into a relationship, which can affect their partner

  • Peoples tendencies can be intensified or lowered by relationship events, their partner or environment

Instrumentality principle

  • Needs and goals also brought into relationships ,which influences how people are more or less successful in their goals while in their relationships

Standards principle

  • People bring standards and expectations into relationships

  • Interdependence theory and rewards → what people feel they should get in a relationship, and evaluate if they are getting that

  • More relationship well-being when people feel they are experiencing exceeding their expectations in the relationship

→ If people are happy , they align their expectations with their partner

How does context influence relationships?

Diagnosticity principle

  • situations vary in opportunities to look at the partners true motive and goals

  • conflict to stay in the relationship → tend to be more diagnostic

  • situations that require connection, vulnerability, self-protection, or avoidance of rejection are likely to be more diagnostic

Alternatives principle

  • Is there someone else out there thats more attractive (quality wise), or being single more appealing → relationship quality and persistence within the relationship will be threatened

Stress principle

  • when demands or stress happen outside the relationship, it leads to poor outcomes if the couple cannot cope with them

  • Vulnerability-stress-adaptation model:

    • when people experience stress it changes how they use their time (stress management vs being responsive to partners needs)

    • Less emotional and physical intimacy with partner from trying to regulate the stress

    • More likely to lash out, negatively affects relationship

Culture principle

  • relationships are naturally embedded in social networks, environment associated with norms, practices and traditions, can influence the trajectory of relationships

    • Family doesnt approve → stay or go?

  • Before, food and safety prioritized

  • Self-discovery and expansion prioritized now