PS225 Quant Project - TA - Codes 4 Shazia

Research Question: individual experience and meaning of friendship / what makes someone a good friend?

1. Friendship Formation

Childhood meeting
(“We were about six… she’d just moved over from Germany… first thing she said was ‘I know English’”)
Cross-cultural friendship origin
Language learning as bonding
(“What’s this in German?” “What’s this in German?”)
Mutual helping established early
Older friend guiding younger friend
(“I’d do things first… I’d help her out”)
Shared transitions create closeness
(School, boyfriends, clubbing, “doing everything you’re not meant to”)

These behaviours show “friendship as shared ordinary time.”

Friendship as consistency
(“It doesn’t even seem like I’m gone half the time…”)
Friendship as comfort
(“Comfortable in silence… thinking of stories to tell each other”)
Friendship as emotional safety
(“I need that to feel safe and good”)
Friendship as natural and effortless
(“If it’s going to be there it’s always going to be there… from day one”)
Trust as foundation of friendship
(“Trust builds through situations… reactions show how much you can trust them”)
No judgement from a close friend
(“I’m scared people at uni judge me… not with my close friends”)
Friendship as shared history
(“Those memories do count… makes a difference”)
Friendship as mutual understanding
(“Mutual understanding without having to explain it”)

Texting and calling to stay connected
Picking up where you left off
(“Just carrying on from where you left off”)
Intentional meet-ups when home
Learning to balance multiple friend groups
Making plans to travel to see each other
(Visiting each other at different universities)

Fear of growing apart
(“I was really worried we were gonna grow apart”)
Feeling like the third wheel
(Major recurring theme)
Feeling unimportant in some groups
(“If I wasn’t there it wouldn’t matter”)
Carrying responsibility for group harmony
(“I’m the glue… they both come to me saying the other is leaving me out”)
Pressure to socialise to “not miss out”
Guilt about not seeing friends enough
Emotional labour → “agony aunt” role

Doubt created by a broken confidence
(One friend told something they shouldn’t have)
Ongoing mistrust
(“I always wonder what she says to others”)
Rebuilding trust gradually
(“Depends on what the trust was lost over”)
Fear of overthinking when trust breaks
(“My mind goes into overdrive”)
Needing explicit reassurance
(Now must say “DON’T tell anyone”)

Shared cultural identity creates understanding
(“With Asians… similar cultures… they understand you more”)
Assumptions about cultural misunderstanding
(“Didn’t think non-Asian friends would understand”)
Non-Asian friends surprisingly understanding
(They understood boyfriend secrecy, family dynamics)
Culture influences openness

Starting secondary school → loss of friends
Re-sitting A levels → losing another group
Friendships reshaped by moving schools
Changing universities → new friend-making challenges
Friend’s marriage shifts friendship dynamic
(“Gone from friend to agony aunt”)
Responsibilities limit availability
(Friend has in-laws, strict family, limited freedom)

Dad’s quote about not wanting things too much
→ impacts how she copes with losing friends
Acceptance of friendship changes
(“Friendships change with circumstances… I accept it”)
Avoiding emotional dependence
(“Subconsciously accepted it… learned to get on with it”)

Facebook maintains weak ties
(“Only message them ‘Hi, what you doing with your life?’”)
Online contact replacing real-life interaction
Friendships becoming “memories” over time
(“Eventually they’ll become just a memory”)